Saying I'm Sorry - page 4

I am writing because I wanted to tell you that I am sorry. I know that you didn't ask for that. You just went in for a routine procedure that was supposed to change your life. It did change your... Read More

  1. by   Esme12
    Quote from SarahLeeRN
    Hello Allnurses Readers,
    I just want to thank you all for such interesting article discussion. I have been sort of standing back and watching- and I realized that I do need to clarify a few things.
    When I wrote this I really wasn't even totally sure what I was trying to say. Without giving many more details, I can tell you what I think I was thinking.
    I do know that I was not intending to "Admonish the already overworked nurse for not being More caring...ect." I really do appreciate that viewpoint posted however, because, honestly, I myself was wondering if that is what I was trying to say! On further reflection, though, this is what I have concluded:
    That day I had been working 15 hours. I was angry. I was tired. That was way too long of a day. There was not enough staff. This person had problems as a result of medical error. His solution took alot of time. The direct nurse in charge of him was inexperienced. I did not have enough time to help her help him, deal with new admits and orders etc. that night, and I was exhausted. In retrospect, I don't believe that I was apologizing to him for what I could not do-I did realize that I couldn't do it all-but more indepth than that, I was apologizing to him for the absolute absurd deck of cards so to speak that healthcare AS A WHOLE had given him. Cover your ears and look both ways, but I am here to tell you-that night and other times his call light was on for quite awhile because the already overworked and stressed staff would-are you ready-ignore it-unless they absolutly had to because of how much time it took when you were the one discovering the problem. And answering his light was just the tip of the iceberg to all of the time involved in this poor man's care. And truly, every person involved with his care I think gave as much as they could give! I know I did! There was just still times when all that we could do was just not enough.
    And so, I think that in that moment what I was doing was apologizing to him for the SYSTEM, for the whole rotten big picture package that he had landed himself into. In that moment my despair at the whole debacle matched his-and all I could do was just keep going and try again to fix it even though it seemed so absurdly messed up.
    The spirituality factor has already been addressed and I thank everyone for their input-as well as the Admin.
    Also as a side note, I think that maybe a sign of a 'good' piece of writing, whether it be mine or anyone else's is discussion. And I really do appreciate all of the varied insight that everyone has given here. It has certainly helped me in my understanding of my own situation. Thanks!
    Spoken like a true nurse....and then we go back tomorrow and do it again!