Death Cafes should nurses be a part of them? - page 2

by PrayeRNurse

I am posting a short paper I found and was wondering if nurses should be a part of death cafes. Why or Why not? "Death cafes," a trend that started in England, is spreading across the USA. Story Highlights... Read More


  1. 0
    Quote from tewdles
    I wonder if "Death Cafe" isn't sort of an off putting name...
    I agree --- that name is not very inviting. Rather macabre or Goth sounding.
  2. 2
    Quote from tewdles
    I wonder if "Death Cafe" isn't sort of an off putting name...
    ok then...how about:

    - goner with the wind?
    - taste & waste?
    - the last supper?
    - fare today, gone tomorrow?
    - ice_cream for heaven?

    heh.
    silly mood, i guess.

    leslie
    SoldierNurse22 and tewdles like this.
  3. 2
    Quote from leslie :-D
    ok then...how about:

    - goner with the wind?
    - taste & waste?
    - the last supper?
    - fare today, gone tomorrow?
    - ice_cream for heaven?

    heh.
    silly mood, i guess.

    leslie
    We don't often get to see the silly side...funny les!
    SoldierNurse22 and amoLucia like this.
  4. 0
    Absolutely, they should!

    Who else could render more compassionate service?
  5. 0
    Solyent Green
  6. 0
    There is a time and place for everything... and generally this (the time and manner of your demise) is one of the most personal and intimate subjects anyone will ever make. There is a reason these things are called "personal". The notion that nothing of substance exists unless it's publicized and hashed out in "the community" is just weird.

    That we somehow NEED death cafes (or chat-rooms or whatever) tells me that nihilism is the prevailing religion for many in the west.
  7. 0
    The topic of death is certainly personal, but that notion of personal doesn't exclude a desire to get together with other people to discuss it, and has nothing to do with nihilism. It's only intimate in the sense that nobody can go through that with you or for you, like birth.

    Birth and death are things that societies all over the world have developed a variety of ways of dealing with. Not one that I can think of ignores either one or considers talking about it "weird". I'm not a big fan of chat rooms, but I don't see how a chat room tells you anything about nihilism or where it is prevalent globally than any other type of social gathering.
  8. 1
    OK... how about this: In most cultures for most of history most people have worked out their thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about their demise with those closest to them. Maybe their pastor. Perhaps their attorney (because you can't take it with you...)

    Speaking professionally, there has always been something rather sacred about sharing that parting moment with families of patients, or even patients themselves. It is simultaneously so bitter and so sweet. It's a unique privilege. And that moment of death is something as precious within a family as the welcoming of a new life. It's fraught with implications for the future, and understandings of the past. Who can weigh the meaning of my passing if they don't even know me. Can a stranger understand what you felt when you lost your mother or father or first born? Of course not.

    Yes, hashing it out with strangers is weird. And actually, I rather think it is a counter-intuitive way to deny death. In the old days it was called "whistling past the graveyard." Politics, the latest haute cuisine, the craziest reality shows on TV, the Kardashians and death. Hey, waiter, bring me another latte will you?
    SoldierNurse22 likes this.
  9. 0
    Quote from tulip5
    OK... how about this: In most cultures for most of history most people have worked out their thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about their demise with those closest to them. Maybe their pastor. Perhaps their attorney (because you can't take it with you...)

    Speaking professionally, there has always been something rather sacred about sharing that parting moment with families of patients, or even patients themselves. It is simultaneously so bitter and so sweet. It's a unique privilege. And that moment of death is something as precious within a family as the welcoming of a new life. It's fraught with implications for the future, and understandings of the past. Who can weigh the meaning of my passing if they don't even know me. Can a stranger understand what you felt when you lost your mother or father or first born? Of course not.

    Yes, hashing it out with strangers is weird. And actually, I rather think it is a counter-intuitive way to deny death. In the old days it was called "whistling past the graveyard." Politics, the latest haute cuisine, the craziest reality shows on TV, the Kardashians and death. Hey, waiter, bring me another latte will you?
    My experience and most of the reading I've done indicates that it is actually more true that people are reluctant to talk about their death with people close to them because they don't want to upset them, and the family is similarly afraid to bring it up because they don't know what their loved one's understanding is and don't want to upset them. When my mother was dying one of my best friends tried to shut me down when I began to talk about my mother because he didn't want to see me upset. The end result may be that there is much left unsaid and someone may leave this world feeling isolated. One of the quotes in the article upon which this thread is based is:

    "My partner doesn't want to talk about dying, especially about my dying, so it gave me a chance to explore ideas with other people. I found comfort in that."

    That one quote is enough for me to drop any incipient thoughts of likening the death cafés to an actual place to order coffee or to other icons of shallowness in our popular culture.
  10. 1
    "My partner doesn't want to talk about dying, especially about my dying, so it gave me a chance to explore ideas with other people. I found comfort in that."

    And therein lies the tragedy. I feel great sadness and compassion for the individual. The cafe served a good purpose for him/her and one hopes this person found a sympathetic ear.

    But a culture that sees death cafes as something to celebrate... what have we become?
    SoldierNurse22 likes this.


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