Welcome to Allnurses, RN1Each!
Glad to have you here, and thank you for your service to our country. My 24-year-old son is in a similar position as you, and I wish he were half as sensible and realistic as you are.
I can't help noticing that you didn't list a mood stabilizer and/or an antipsychotic among your medications. If you're not on one or both of those types of meds, please talk to your p-doc ASAP. These drugs can help with anxiety, as can a low dose of antidepressant (have to watch that it doesn't switch you into hypo/mania though). I see you're already on an anxiolytic and a sleeper, but what are those meds doing for the underlying condition (BP)?
FWIW, I'm a bipolar nurse myself, and it took a drug "cocktail" made up of all four of those elements to get my symptoms under control. In addition, I do my level best to avoid work situations that stress me too severely, as they are triggering (which is why I
don't work in a hospital anymore---having a nervous breakdown in my nurse-manager's office was NO fun).
I'll be frank with you: Acute care is probably not
where you want to be. Any job where even the mere thought
of it causes anxiety on the level you've described, isn't even worth trying. If you're anything at all like me, you've worked really hard to earn your RN license and manage your illness; why would you risk decompensating and losing everything you've worked so hard to maintain? No job is worth the kind of meltdown we BPers are notorious for, and you know in your heart of hearts that this one will send you headlong into disaster.
Please heed the warnings that your anxiety attacks are giving you. Do whatever you have to NOT to go back to acute care, your body and mind are telling you loud and clear that it's never going to be the right place for you, at least not until you are managed better medically. Take care, and keep us posted.