Nurses struggling with mental illness

[Severina]

I was just wondering if there are any other nurses who struggle with mental illness. It seems to be one disability that is met with little tolerance and support in the medical field. I do have major co-morbid mental illness, Major depression/PTSD/DID, and have had many problems in my career. I have been in therapy and on meds for a long time and have worked very hard to be functional, and I have suprised myself by what I have been able to achieve. Currently, I am a hospice nurse in a residential setting and it seems that I have found my niche. It doesn't aggravate my illness too much. I am very busy at times and most of my job revolves in much cognitive thinking and decision making about the best ways to respond to a patient's emerging or existing symptoms, and in assessing patients to see where they are in the dying process, plus lots of educating to patients and families. My extensive personal trauma background has made me able to have a different perspective on death and don't see it as the scary thing that is SO SAD, that a lot of people do. Plus, because of the things that I have been through, I am more able to be compassionate and understanding of patients and their fears. I especially do well with patients with existing mental illness or lots of anxiety. I notice that a lot of nurses have little tolerance for a patients anxiety and are not willing to take the extra time to walk them through things and provide the extra reassurance that they need.

Yes, there are some nursing jobs that I don't think I would be able to do because of the fast on the spot life and death action necessary. ER and Trauma/Burn are pretty much out for me. But thats OK. A lot of nurses couldn't handle doing what I do either for their own reasons. We are all suited to certain things.

Having mental illness doesn't automatically make you unsuited for the nursing profession. Even though I have heard many times, "what are you doing here?" "Shouldn't you be doing something else, less stressful?"

I am here and am doing the thing I am suited for. Yes sometimes I have to take time off due to my illness, but its no different than somone who has flare ups of a chronic physical illness like lupus, chronic fatigue, or fibromyalgia.

I would like to know how other nurses have coped with their own illness and their nursing careers.

Severina

[guislander]

I want to encourage people not to hide in the shadows like they have some nasty secret, but to let people get to know them for who they are and see that we can be capable, sane, contributing members of society. Only then will the stigma of mental illness start to be lifted. Yes, there are risks and predjudices, but I think its worth it. We can overcome.

Severina

I just want to say, THANK YOU, Severina!! That message is such an encouragement to me. I am an RN student who was supposed to graduate in may. But taking a full load for the first time this semester helped push me into a major depressive episode of my bipolar disease. I am ashamed of the diagnosis. For some reason, to me, a diagnosis of depression is more palatible than bipolar. I just got out of the hospital 13 hours ago or so for cutting myself. I find it hard not to let the diagnosis define me. I decided to slow school down again. I'm going to take my LPN boards and work for a while before I finish the RN. Maybe that way I can gain confidence in my work.

Thank you again for the encouragement.

[TNnursejane, BSN, RN]

Hi all! My name is Janie and I too am bipolar. I'm bipolar II meaning that depression is my primary condition but the manic is in there and tends to creep out once in a while! I was a critical care nurse for several years. I've done lots of things over the last 25 years. Guess it fed my mania and kept it under wraps for so many years! I'm doing radiology nursing now and love it. Keeps me busy! I've been on antidepressants for years but have just been diagnosed in the last few months. Finally found that Lamictal and Xyprexa with Cymbalta, Lexapro and a little Clonopin mixed in keep me sane! Hoping that one day I'll be able to come off of some of this stuff but for now it's working. I like the idea of extended vacations. I've had to take quite a bit of time off the last couple of years. Now I'm stuck for a while cause I have a new job. Glad to know that I'm not the only one in this profession!

Thanks Seravino for starting this thread!

Janie

[hbncns35]

Does anyone on this thread think like I do?

I mean shouldn't we have a "FIGHT MENTAL ILLNESS STIGMA" magnetic ribbon sticker for cars ?

I was on vacation and went into one of those magnet stores and everyone seemed to be selling breast cancer awareness, save the troops, autism awareness, etc.

What about mental illness awareness?

It should be purple and white striped with red with black lined lettering with a red rose on the right hand corner.

How can we get this going? Anybody know?

Signed "a veteran bipolar"

[Fuzzy]

Heck I'd buy one.

Fuzzy

[Belle725]

Hi everyone! I'm brand new to this site. Was wondering if anyone could offer advice on TPAPN and the Board of Nursing ( I'm an RN in Texas). I have very recently started treatment of depression (possibly Bipolar) taking Lamictal, and Wellbutrin, and am seeing a psychiatrist. My question is what and when are your obligations to disclose this to the BNE and TPAPN since everyone I've ever talked has had some form of depression at some time. Does it depend on you Dr. diagnosis? And how do you find that info out? Please can anyone help?

Thanks so much

[preemiepedsnrs]

I've been an LPN in a large level 3 NICU for about six years now. I have also been diagnosed at various times with Bipolar 2, PTSD, BPD, and major depression. About three years ago, I had a major episode of depression, including three suicide attempts and SI, that lasted for almost two years before it was gotten under control. During that time, I was put on what seems like almost all of the psych meds out there. I had three different stays in the psych hospital for 1-6 days at a time.

The only thing that got me through it careerwise was that I was encouraged by one of my charge nurses to get an intermittent FMLA leave to cover when I was hospitalized or just couldn't pull myself together so that I wouldn't be at risk of losing my job due to absence. I truly love my job though and throughout the entire time, I took great pains to keep my illness from affecting my work. My personal life was falling apart, but you couldn't tell it from watching me at the hospital. I have a great skill for compartmentalizing parts of my life apparently, sometimes to my own detriment. The only people that were aware were three charge nurses and the unit manager. I'm sure that other people suspected something due to the fact that I would occasionally be absent from work for "illness" but it was never mentioned. I worked nights at the time, so some of the normal daily interactions weren't there anyway. Our unit isolates itself and the area of the unit that I was in is even more isolated. During my worst times, I really worked on improving my organizational and time management skills because I was scared that I would slip up in some way. I was probably over cautious back then because I was so scared of making a mistake with a baby. I never had a med error or occurence during that time period.

Anyway, fastforward to today...at some point, rather unexpectedly and right when I was at the point of giving up for good, the depression lifted. At this time, I'm on no medications, see my psychiatrist for an hour of psychotherapy every week, and am doing pretty well. I'm even back in school full time to finish up my degree. Last spring, I had a week that really scared me into thinking that it was coming back and the first thing that I did was renew my FMLA. Luckily, it was a brief period and I never even used any of my leave time.

Someone once told me that being crazy seemed to be a job requirement for nurses because sane people couldn't deal with the things that we have to handle at times. I DO notice that I tend to have a real propensity for dark humor and get along much better with the "difficult" parents and their babies than most of our other nurses. I usually get assigned to take care of the babies that no one else can handle because of the parents. I do particularly well with the drug kids for some reason, probably because I can shut down that part of myself that would get annoyed with a nonstop screaming baby and I can do my care without getting frustrated. I suppose I can relate in some way to the baby and how they must be feeling. (hehe, *that* probably sounds crazy) I am also somewhat of an adrenaline junkie and work much better in chaotic situations than some others. I've spent a lot of time finding out my negative characteristics and triggers. There was an infant that I had to ask not to be assigned to any more because of a social issue with the family that triggered my own childhood issues.

Anyway, just wanted to tell my story about dealing with mental illness as a nurse...sorry it turned out so long.

Grace

Said the Cat "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."

"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.

"You must be", said the cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."

[Belle725]

I've been an LPN in a large level 3 NICU for about six years now. I have also been diagnosed at various times with Bipolar 2, PTSD, BPD, and major depression. About three years ago, I had a major episode of depression, including three suicide attempts and SI, that lasted for almost two years before it was gotten under control. During that time, I was put on what seems like almost all of the psych meds out there. I had three different stays in the psych hospital for 1-6 days at a time.

The only thing that got me through it careerwise was that I was encouraged by one of my charge nurses to get an intermittent FMLA leave to cover when I was hospitalized or just couldn't pull myself together so that I wouldn't be at risk of losing my job due to absence. I truly love my job though and throughout the entire time, I took great pains to keep my illness from affecting my work. My personal life was falling apart, but you couldn't tell it from watching me at the hospital. I have a great skill for compartmentalizing parts of my life apparently, sometimes to my own detriment. The only people that were aware were three charge nurses and the unit manager. I'm sure that other people suspected something due to the fact that I would occasionally be absent from work for "illness" but it was never mentioned. I worked nights at the time, so some of the normal daily interactions weren't there anyway. Our unit isolates itself and the area of the unit that I was in is even more isolated. During my worst times, I really worked on improving my organizational and time management skills because I was scared that I would slip up in some way. I was probably over cautious back then because I was so scared of making a mistake with a baby. I never had a med error or occurence during that time period.

Anyway, fastforward to today...at some point, rather unexpectedly and right when I was at the point of giving up for good, the depression lifted. At this time, I'm on no medications, see my psychiatrist for an hour of psychotherapy every week, and am doing pretty well. I'm even back in school full time to finish up my degree. Last spring, I had a week that really scared me into thinking that it was coming back and the first thing that I did was renew my FMLA. Luckily, it was a brief period and I never even used any of my leave time.

Someone once told me that being crazy seemed to be a job requirement for nurses because sane people couldn't deal with the things that we have to handle at times. I DO notice that I tend to have a real propensity for dark humor and get along much better with the "difficult" parents and their babies than most of our other nurses. I usually get assigned to take care of the babies that no one else can handle because of the parents. I do particularly well with the drug kids for some reason, probably because I can shut down that part of myself that would get annoyed with a nonstop screaming baby and I can do my care without getting frustrated. I suppose I can relate in some way to the baby and how they must be feeling. (hehe, *that* probably sounds crazy) I am also somewhat of an adrenaline junkie and work much better in chaotic situations than some others. I've spent a lot of time finding out my negative characteristics and triggers. There was an infant that I had to ask not to be assigned to any more because of a social issue with the family that triggered my own childhood issues.

Anyway, just wanted to tell my story about dealing with mental illness as a nurse...sorry it turned out so long.

Grace

Said the Cat "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."

"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.

"You must be", said the cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."

Grace, Thanks so much for your post. It gives me hope that I will also be able to work with this illness. I might just have to give myself a break and work less hours or take more time off. Maybe being "crazy" is a job requirement for a nurse, because it means that your better able to relate to others and have a greater sense of empathy.

Thanks:lol2:

[FLoridarnl]

I have anxiety disorder, and I always worry that I screwed something up at the expense of my patients, even when I didn't. That is wreaking havoc on my life . It's a struggle, but I think it makes me a better nurse, because I make sure to practice the safest nursing I can, to protect the patients who trust the medical personnel.

[sarabasedis]

Hi,

I've been diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder (bpd). I am now on Depakote. I was on Celexa, but it stopped helping and I stopped taking it. Both my therapist and my doc want me to quit nursing. I am reluctant to do so, as it is my only source of income. I tried working agency, but couldn't get enough dayshift work. My next theory is either hospice or private duty. Maybe these would be less stressful.

I find that observing my relgious faith helps me, however, my faith demands abstention from work on Saturdays, which doesn't go over well in the medical field, as you have to make yourself available every other week end. Any suggestions?

[sarabasedis]

Hi,

I've been diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder (bpd). I am now on Depakote. I was on Celexa, but it stopped helping and I stopped taking it. Both my therapist and my doc want me to quit nursing. I am reluctant to do so, as it is my only source of income. I tried working agency, but couldn't get enough dayshift work. My next theory is either hospice or private duty. Maybe these would be less stressful.

I find that observing my relgious faith helps me, however, my faith demands abstention from work on Saturdays, which doesn't go over well in the medical field, as you have to make yourself available every other week end. Any suggestions?

Pray as if everything depended upon Heaven

Work as if everything depended upon Man

[SaraO'Hara]

I'm working on the pre-requisites to nursing school. I've had major depression since I was a sophomore in high school (almost three years now). I'm able to shake the bad feelings, the sadness and the flat affect, for weeks at a time, but the lack of energy or motivation stays with me all the time. If I have nothing to occupy my mind, like school or social interaction, I become extremely paranoid. I spent one summer in a virtually nocturnal state (sleeping 8 am to 6 pm) because I thought the world was going to end within a day or two, every day. I've been through two rather pathetic suicide attempts, months of suicidal thoughts, and about six months of SI. I had to quit high school a year early (through GED) because I couldn't concentrate on my coursework or homework anymore. Keeping up with schoolwork is still difficult.. it's hard to get up and out of the house some mornings, and concentrating in class when I can't feel anything but vaguely upset and have to stop and think about the proper procedure for using a pen is a joke.

I haven't been able to seek professional help for this because that would entail notifying my mother, who goes on about the expense or inconvenience. My faith (Catholic) helps some, but a lot of the time, I'm not motivated to get out the door to Mass, but then I get very upset with myself for not going. It's a vicious cycle.

[leslie :-D]

I haven't been able to seek professional help for this because that would entail notifying my mother, who goes on about the expense or inconvenience.

is your mom aware of your debilitating depression? this sounds like an emergent situation, especially with the suicidal inclinations. she needs to know this is literally a matter of life and death. God be with you.

leslie