I have been in the program 7 months. I came out of rehab with not many options sponsor wise. In my area there sadly is not enough clean time in the NA rooms. I went with the best option and this lady had 2 years and worked a good program. At least it seemed she was. My sponsor was very open about admitting to being on methadone and taking rx tramadol. I felt a little uneasy, but ok. I just never felt a connection. She didn't work so she didn't understand what it was like balancing work and recovery. She couldn't understand the stress when I was talking about being in a monitoring program and the fear of losing my license. How could I expect her to understand? There was just, I don't know, no "spark" there. No connection. In the NA rooms here people told me I would relapse "because nobody gets it the first time and relapse is apart of recovery". OMG!!!!!!!! Really!!! That is absurd! A motto I heard in rehab and I stick with it is "relapse is not a requirement". I was given a second chance. My license has no disciplinary action on it. I WAS SO DAMN LUCKY AND BLESSED to be given this second chance. That is why I am do determined and DEDICATED to my recovery. So needless to say, I got a new sponsor and next month I am moving OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Long story short, last week my (old) sponsor showed up at a meeting totally out of it. Denying she relapsed she had a fentanyl patch on her arm that she bought of a girl not in the program. Sad.
My higher power is amazing though. My new sponsor has about 7 years clean. She too is in a recovery program because she is a nurse. She finally decided to petition and get her license back. We have that spark. That connection. That kindred spirit almost. It is a two way street. She helps me but it also helps her.
Not sure why I had to blurt this all out there. Maybe so I can get my so many number of posts it so this site will actually let me repond to my private messages in my inbox.
