New to PEER in Oklahoma - Could use some advice :(

[RickG85]

Hey guys, I'll try and keep this as short as possible.. Back in May I had an unexpected health issue, the big C. I'm only 27 so this was a pretty big blow to me. Thankfully all is well and it was very early. However, I became depressed and well eventually abused benzos. My employer approached me about it and I came clean, I was able to keep my job and position but I did voluntarily turn myself in to the PEER program here in Oklahoma. Im currently on a leave of absence until I'm cleared to work again once I meet some requirements. I had my evaluation done with the "evaluator" and was told she was only recommending a "low" level of treatment, once a week counseling

It's been a roller-coaster ride of emotions but I feel the worst is behind me. I do have a question though.. I was finally selected for a drug screen for PEER. I was unable to produce.. I waited for 2 hours and had a full bladder but my nerves got the best of me. I just couldn't. I had a testicle removed for my surgery, so the part with a guy hovering over me made me a little anxious. Plus I struggle with anxiety to begin with and have had this problem before. I offered to self-cath but they said no. Eventually I was told to just contact my case manager, which I did. I went to the Dr. today and he gave me an order to self-cath as a last resort.

I'm doing everything I can to be compliant so I can get back to work and put this all behind me, but I'm worried the committee won't believe/understand me when I explain what happened.

Thanks in advance!

[deltakappamu]

Oh man.

I am not in PEER, as i am in FL, however I am not sure that not providing would ever be an option for us here.

Just to clarify: did you say that THEY basically sent you away?

[SororAKS, ADN, RN]

Is there a way you can go to your doctor's office and have them observe you or cath you if necessary? Would PEER accept those donated specimens?

[RickG85]

I had to go to my Dr. and BEG him to give me the option to self cath. He eventually wrote an order for it and faxed it to them. I had a "non compliance" meeting (for turning my nursing card in a day late) with them a week or so ago AND a drug screen that morning. Needless to say I was pretty nervous and running on a few hours of sleep. I had to cath that day. I dont know why I get so anxious but I do. Im sure it'll get better the longer I do it.

The meeting went well. They wrote an amendment to my contract saying I had to wait one hour before attempting to cath and then said anxiety was all in my head. I about lost it on them.. I've come this far dealing with my anxiety, I've done a damn good job to beat it thus far but it's not something that will ever go away completely. Some people don't get that. Unfortunately I can't take anything for it because I'm now a "substance abuser".

Anyways, thanks for the replies! This forum has a lot of useful information

[CryssyD]

First, so glad you caught the CA early; I hope you are doing well.

I never was unable to produce, but I am sure that my case manager would have blown a gasket if I had been. My program was absolutely "no excuses" about anything--not producing a specimen was considered a failure to test and was treated like a positive. Basically they considered it an admission of guilt.

It will almost certainly get easier for you. I'm a real pee-test pro, myself--I can pee anywhere, anytime, and as for observers, hey, the more the merrier!

No, anxiety is not all in your head and as mental health professionals they should know that; shame on them. You'll get better at managing it, though, you'll see. Benzos aren't the best way to handle anxiety anyway, they just sweep the symptoms under the rug. Stay positive and find a good therapist--it's one of the best things you can do for yourself.

I'm so glad your employer put you on leave instead of letting you go, and it's good that you self-reported. You will probably be able to return to work relatively soon, as long as you can test! You have to show how well you're doing, and the urine drug screens enable you to do that. Think of them that way--as evidence FOR you rather than against you.

It sounds like you're doing well so far--keep it up! We're all pulling for you! Keep us posted.

[SororAKS, ADN, RN]

I had to go to my Dr. and BEG him to give me the option to self cath. He eventually wrote an order for it and faxed it to them. I had a "non compliance" meeting (for turning my nursing card in a day late) with them a week or so ago AND a drug screen that morning. Needless to say I was pretty nervous and running on a few hours of sleep. I had to cath that day. I dont know why I get so anxious but I do. Im sure it'll get better the longer I do it.

The meeting went well. They wrote an amendment to my contract saying I had to wait one hour before attempting to cath and then said anxiety was all in my head. I about lost it on them.. I've come this far dealing with my anxiety, I've done a damn good job to beat it thus far but it's not something that will ever go away completely. Some people don't get that. Unfortunately I can't take anything for it because I'm now a "substance abuser".

Anyways, thanks for the replies! This forum has a lot of useful information

Way to go! I don't think most of the programs really consider us as individuals, it's one size fits all. Good for you on advocating effectively for yourself.

That's a skill I had to work hard to learn how to do.

[catsmeow1972, BSN, RN]

Most of the people that run these things are not mental health professionals. If they are, they are not very good at it. When talking to my therapist (who is a mental health professional ), more than once has said "they do not understand mental health."

Given your history, you should not have to be begging for a means to produce a specimen, nor should you be expected to sit around and wait an hour. Your'e in this thing over anxiety issues. This crap only serves to make the anxiety worse. These programs have shot way past monitoring and into "judge, jury, and executioner land."

You are very fortunate that your requirement is just counseling. That sounds like it would be a good thing anyway, regardless of PEER. With some programs, the evaluator stands to make a profit off of his own recommendations (and has the ethics of a rock,) you wind up with prohibitively expensive and unnecessary, possibly damaging "treatment."

Yes you will get through this and it does get easier. I agree with the others here. Anxiety IS NOT "all in your head."

[RickG85]

I just want to say thank you to everyone! The kind words and support I see here is very encouraging. This program has a rather awful stigma attached to it (which I understand.. to an extent) and has made me feel like I'm just some sort of useless drug abuser. I'm glad I'm not the only one going through this! It is getting easier. Only one more UDS before I can apply to go back to work

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

One thing being in the program did for me is make me a world champion at being able to produce a urine specimen. As another person put it I can pee anywhere, anytime with anyone watching in any type of receptacle. I started out with a very shy bladder - but someone gave me a few tips which I will share with you. on a test day drink at least 4 to 6 glasses of water but stop about two hours before you test so as to prevent a dilute specimen. About 30 minutes before you test drink a cup of coffee or tea to get the mild diuretic effect. If you have to wait or can't pee on command walk around and bounce up and down on your heels you'll look like a fool but it works.

Your anxiety may in fact go away completely in time you are a cancer survivor so you can do this. I have severe PTSD from childhood abuse and 17 years of sobriety have done wonders in getting my anxiety under control. If you would like to talk Peer to peer and you have been a member long enough to send IM's contact me here at all nurses - I guard my confidentiality carefully so will not communicate via facebook, snapchat instgram etc.....

Peace and Namaste

Hppy