New in recovery and just fired from my new job......

caliotter3 · Apr 4, 2009

Just wasn't a good fit. Happens sometimes when we least expect it or can afford it. Monday is around the corner. Brush up your resume if it needs it and make plans for job hunting Monday. And look for something pleasant to do this weekend to cheer yourself up. Good luck with finding a new job.

jackstem · Apr 5, 2009

Excellent suggestions! While you're polishing your resume, take the time to look at where you want to be in 3 months, 6 months and a year. Write down those goals. Writing them takes them from the "netherworld" of your mind to the real world, which makes them more likely to be achieved. Once you have your goals for those time periods, come up with things...concrete things that will help you achieve the 3 month goals, 9 months and a year.

This will do two things, give you achievable, short term steps for longer term goals. It will also help distract you from the "What am I going to do!?" Thinking that can freeze you in your tracks. They don't have to be elaborate. Simple things are achieved more simply which gives you the reward and confidence to move forward to bigger and better things.

Recovery takes time. Unfortunately, time takes ...TIME! As addicts we want it all now. Nothing worthwhile comes right now!!!

Hang in there and keep us posted!

Jack

Magsulfate, BSN, RN · Apr 5, 2009

Very good advice from caliotter and jack.

It sucks, but you can't let that bother you right now. It wasnt the right job for you. Sometimes bad things happen for a reason. I know that is the case here. Your job is out there. You just have to go get it!

Rascal1 · Apr 5, 2009

Thanks for the support and advice. I realize there are many underlying dynamics that go on in the work place between individuals,like resentments,insecurities and hidden and not so hidden agendas. Man, I really hate all the games....

Rascal1 · Apr 5, 2009

And I wish had had the foresight to see this genetic addiction ticker going off on me in my 40's...!! Still have most of the energy I had in my 20's....

jackstem · Apr 10, 2009

You might want to look into reading a couple of books by Judith Briles. I just heard her speak at an anesthesia conference last weekend. She talked about work place issues, conflict resolution, etc. One of her books is called "Stabotage". Some practical information and techniques for dealing with our peers who are less than honest and undermine those around them.

Jack

benitarae · Jan 23, 2010

As I understand it, you were pretty much just "Plopped" into the position. Sounds like your co-worker had an attitude, probably not with you, but rather with the facility. Maybe she resents having to train you when she is not getting paid additionally for it. Who knows. Right now is not the time to beat yourself up. You can refer to the past for a reference towards the future,but don't stay there. I hope you have support, a buddy, to help overcome your past addictions. I am looking for the book Jackstem recommended, Stabotage.

Maybe that place did you a favor-sounds like a looser organization.

jackstem · Jan 27, 2010

And I wish had had the foresight to see this genetic addiction ticker going off on me in my 40's...!! Still have most of the energy I had in my 20's....

It's difficult to see the genetic ticker for addiction for a couple of reasons. First, the disease affects areas of the brain involved in judgment, learning, and insight, preventing us from "seeing" what's going on. As a researcher/counselor told us at our national meeting last year, "Addiction is the only disease he knows of where we have to convince people they are ill."

Second, we (as health care professionals) receive little (if any) training about the disease itself. We always get the lectures about the results of addiction (cirrhosis, HIV, sepsis, etc.), but not the disease process itself. And we certainly don't get the lectures about the disease as it manifests in health care professionals. Most of us believe the same things the general public believe about addiction...what I call the 3 Ms of addiction, Myth, Misbelief, and Misinformation.

The addict has to hit bottom before going to treatment. Actually, "bottom" is DEAD. We really don't have many protocols or evidence based techniques for treating "dead". Besides, do we wait until the cancer is so advanced we can no longer ignore it before treating? Do we wait until the person with angina has the MI to start treatment? Goodness, I hope not. Can you imagine the outrage if we handled other chronic diseases the way we treat addiction?

Treatment only works if the addict goes voluntarily. The recovery rate is the same for those who enter by choice and those who are mandated by the court or licensing board.

If treatment doesn't work the first time, there is no need to try anymore. Treatments for cancer and other chronic disease aren't always successful the first time, and we don't throw up our hands in disgust or despair and send them on their way.

Treatment doesn't really work. That's actually pretty accurate. BUT, if we treated diabetics the same way we treat addicts lots of folks would lose legs, vision, renal function, etc. Why? Because we wait until the signs of addiction can no longer be ignored, allowing the disease to progress to the late stages of the disease. That would be like waiting until the person has a gangrenous foot before treating the diabetes. We also don't provide treatment for a long enough period of time in a controlled (safe) environment. That's like giving the diabetic half of the insulin they need, while allowing them to continue to buy candy and carbs, and then telling them they have to find another way to lower their blood sugar. DUH!

The amount of ignorance regarding addiction in the nursing profession (and medicine) is appalling and disgusting. And in far too many cases it's willful ignorance. Very few nurses attend lectures regarding addiction if there are other programs they find "interesting". Shoot, Addicts do this to themselves, so why bother learning anything about it? Yeah, well, people who overeat and develop Type II diabetes "did it to themselves". So do the folks who eat all those saturated fats and don't exercise and end up with CAD. How about sunbathers who end up with melanoma and other skin cancers. We sure don't ignore these folks, do we?

Things need to change and we need to be the people who lead the way. Be gentle with yourself. You didn't ask for this disease. Now that you know you have it, do whatever it takes to keep it in remission, and become part of the "Faces and Voices of Recovery".

Jack

Rascal1 · Jan 27, 2010

Thanks for your reply Jack. I didn't use mind damaging chemicals dangerously until I was about 40.

Many don't believe me they think everyone starts at 12 ish and on. But What I would like to know from you is

when can I start to see my way through the rubble I created ?

jackstem · Jan 27, 2010

My trip down amnesia lane started when I was 37! If you look at the "typical" anesthesia provider who becomes addicted (and approximately 1 in 5 do), they are male, 37, about 8 - 10 years into practice (I was at the 8 year 4 month point), finished in the top 15-20% of their training program (I finished 2nd and had the second highest score on the boards in the schools history...so much for intelligence keeping you safe from addiction), and most are married (I used to be!).

When do we get out from under the rubble? Hmmmmm...I'm still paying the price for my disease, and that's after 15 years of clean and sober. Right now the thing that will haunt me and only get worse with time is the damage to my lungs from aspiration when I was "under the influence". When I catch a cold or the flu I get really, really wheezey (never smoked...not even marijuana). Financially I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Relationship-wise...I'm sticking with dogs. They love you no matter how gray your hair gets, or how wrinkly the skin becomes.

It takes time, and occasionally you find something you had totally forgotten bites you in the butt. But overall, my life is pretty darn good right now. It's definitely better than I ever thought it would be at this point. Shoot, I should really be dead twice right now, so every day is a blessing. No matter what happens, I know I can get through it.

Hang in there and keep taking things one step at a time. The next thing you know, your doing really well.

Glad you're here with us!

Jack

Rascal1 · Jan 28, 2010

Thanks Jack, I really appreciated your story and Bravo !!