New in recovery and just fired from my new job......

benitarae · Jan 28, 2010

You can begin to see the the way through the "rubble" you have left behind as you keep working with a reputable recovery program. Do you have a recovery preceptor? Are you attending outpatient meetings? Are you in a program? I respect Jackstem's description of addiction. Like diabetes, addiction is not just something that goes away by itself. The individual has to work on it to control it. This takes time. There are good programs out there, wish there were more. Sounds like you are grieving, I know I would be. Like Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's 5 stages describing grief, one MUST complete the stages in order to move forward. You might move ahead 2 steps and back 3, but you must complete it. If you are not familiar with her books, I sudgest you look them up-the stages are applicable to all human emotions-any loss. But, please, keep going and seek help when you need it. I, too, have had times where everything is going all wrong-and I've felt like my life is over-everyone has. I know women who have an addiction they are trying to work on while the husband is divorcing them and taking custody of the kids, lost her job and her license, her home and then her mother dies. At the same time they have to deal with the government agencies to be able to stay in a recovery program and still eat. You have a role to play in this-like the diabetic, like the cancer victim, like the heart patient. It is your job to protect the person inside from harming the "vehicle", the "house" you live in. There is no magic answer to be able to set a day or time when you will see through the fog. You see it when you see it. Please seek the support you NEED to do this. (And thankyou, Jackstem, for your thread.) Keep on keeping on.

debnky · Jan 29, 2010

I am curious as to the stats for RN's who become addicted?

jackstem · Jan 29, 2010

I am curious as to the stats for RN's who become addicted?

It depends on which study or report you read. Our ability to gather accurate stats on any specific group of individuals is almost impossible. Why? Because of the shame and stigma associated with the disease, not to mention the total lack of understanding as to the nature and course the disease follows, including our "professional" health care provider colleagues. Stats are currently based on hospital admissions for addiction, police reports, death certificates, and such. If you think about it, why would a recovering nurse or other health care professional share their story of recovery? We've all been subjected to the gossip, lies, and cruel behavior of our "colleagues". The reason our whole society believes treatment doesn't work is because those in recovery remain anonymous. The only people we ever hear about are those who relapse over and over. It's one of the reasons I have chosen to speak so freely about my story. Another reason is I speak out is the fact that I DON'T have a license, which means no one can "blackball" me if I speak the truth and the "powers that be" don't like what I have to say. Plus, I like being the "trouble maker"!

The statistical range I've seen in the literature ranges from a low of 8% to a high of 20%. In anesthesia the 20% is probably the most accurate number. It's consider the primary health hazard associated with the profession of anesthesia.

There is a growing trend in the recovering community of speaking out. A great grass-root movement is Faces and Voices of Recovery. They believe (as do I) that remaining anonymous is hurting the recovering individual more than anonymity helps them. William White conducts research on addiction and it's impact on the individual, the family and society. Read his outstanding paper "Recovery as a Heroic Journey". We see the struggles of cancer patients and other chronic diseases and consider those people to be heroes. We see people struggle addiction and see them as slime. Anyone here who has any significant time in recovery knows what I'm talking about. A huge problem we face as recovering individuals is no one seems to be able to define recovery. When a cancer survivor says they are a "survivor", most people know that they have at least 5 years since treatment with no sign of recurrence (or relapse). Yet when we say we are in recovery, what does that bring to mind? Who knows? The Betty Ford Clinic has developed a definition which is an excellent start.

We have a lot to do to get this disease recognized and to change the way it's treated. There are more and more evidence based programs being developed and switching from an acute care model to a long term care model is making a difference already.

It's up to us to change the way this disease is handled. If we don't do it, who will?

Jack

debnky · Jan 30, 2010

Very impressive stuff Jack. Thanks you for not being too anonymous. I am leaving Wed. for inpt. This is a requirement for the BON. I have gotten a better attitude about going in patient and it will only be for @30days.Maybe I might be able to say or do something to help someone else.( not that I think I am powerful or important), I am letting God do the driving, life goes a lot smoother when I stay out of the way. This attitude adjustment is a God thing because I know I didn't do it. This will be the first time I ever entered a program sober. Yeah! God is good.:redbeathe

Grateful RN · Sep 19, 2010

Hi Jack:

Your message about the rates of nurses in recovery is very interesting! I am curious as to the relationship between anesthesia and addiction in health care providers. I worked in the PACU for 5 years, and the last 1.5 years I was dealing with narcotic addiction. Oddly, I feel in a way, me being a PACU nurse helped me get caught. I luckily never managed to do the IV drugs (but it very may well of been the next thing for me), and we rarely give a lot of oral narcotics in the PACU. So that was my big red flag....that I was taking out more oral narcotics out than other nurses.

Also, Im happy to hear that you are for addicts to not be as anonymous. I am learning my boundries and my comfort level with this. I have had bad experiences with being honest with my coworkers, and its lead me to be cautious. I had told a fellow nurse I was in recovery (it was only obvious, as I had to have other nurses give my narcotics for me). She asked me, "you didnt take them from work, did you"?? and trying out the honesty thing, I replied yes. Next thing I know she is referring to me as a "f*&$ing addict" behind my back and accusing me of the narcotic count being off (I didnt even have access at the time...Im not Houdini!) Very hurtful. And at job interviews, when I tell them I am a recovering addict, I have gotten the question, "you didnt take them from, you know...work did you"? Ive also had interviewers seem ok if it was alcohol was my drug of choice, but anything else would be unacceptable. Yes, as nurses we have access to narcotics and not alcohol. But that doesnt stop alcoholics from coming to work loaded. And yes, stealing narcotics from the workplace was crossing a HUGE moral boundary for me....I would think the same kind of moral boundary alcoholics cross when they decide to get in a car and drive. To me, its all a drug and its all addiction.

I really really wish all health care providers could be more educated about addiction and realize we are not all immoral people. I think becoming more open and honest about our own stories is a great step in doing just that.

jackstem · Sep 20, 2010

Hi Jack:
Your message about the rates of nurses in recovery is very interesting! I am curious as to the relationship between anesthesia and addiction in health care providers. I worked in the PACU for 5 years, and the last 1.5 years I was dealing with narcotic addiction.

Great question. There is a study by Mark Gold at the University of Florida that discusses the low grade, chronic exposure to fentanyl, sufentanil, propofol, and other agents (including inhaled agents) may trigger addiction those genetically susceptible. Makes sense that PACU nurses would face the same exposures. You can read a discussion at the following link: (http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0CYD/is_24_39/ai_n8697315/).

Also, Im happy to hear that you are for addicts to not be as anonymous. I am learning my boundries and my comfort level with this. I have had bad experiences with being honest with my coworkers, and its lead me to be cautious.

This is definitely one of those things everyone has to determine on an individual basis, as you have (good for you!). It's going to be extremely difficult to change the current paradigm that nurses can't return to practice if those who have refuse to share their story (when appropriate) with colleagues. Stigma arises from ignorance and also perpetuates it.

I really really wish all health care providers could be more educated about addiction and realize we are not all immoral people. I think becoming more open and honest about our own stories is a great step in doing just that.

Amen!! It's interesting how quickly we abandon rational thought when it comes to this disease.

Jack