Mom of RN in rehab lookiing for advice and help - page 2
by jordanpj 3,921 Views | 32 Comments
I am so grateful to have found this website and forum. I have been reading the discussions and appreciate all the info given. My daughter who is an RN for 12 years is in an inpatient drug center now for 2 weeks. She turned... Read More
- 1Feb 12, '13 by sissiesmamaQuote from jordanpjYou are very welcome! Anything I can offer or pas on to help I will be glad to. I can still remember sitting alone in my house on the couch wondering if I had ruined my nuring career forever. It would have made that month I spent waiting for a bed SO much easier.Thanks so much. This info helps. I also was able to read earlier threads when you helped another nurse. Your sharing the steps of your experience is so helpful and kind. It is scary time and your sharing makes a difference to those going through it now. God bless you!
Hope all is going well for your daughter during her stay. Hugs to u, and thank you for helping her get started on the way!
- 4Feb 13, '13 by KristieRae71You daughter is fortunate that she has a good support system and a Mom that is willing to search for resources! She will definately need the support when she gets out! As a nurse that (now) works in the field of chemical dependancy and as a person IN recovery I strongyl urge you to find your local Alanon meetings and join those for yourself. YOU, as her loving mother, are going to need support as well. There is a fine line betweenl love/concern/support/love and co-dependancy. Please don't take offense if that word feels negative. We are ALL codependant to some degree. There is much to learn and the best thing you can do for her is to help yourself. We addicts and alcoholics search for the "easier softer" way and our thinking is one of manipulation… from minute to obvious! She will learn all of this for herself if she gets involved with a good program. The rehab facility is only the beginning…
I wish you both the best! The serenity prayer is useful for everyone!!!
- 4Feb 13, '13 by jordanpjThank you, Anne. I appreciate your support and help.
KristieRae, thanks for your support, also. I am going to Alanon meetings and they are helping. And you are right about not being codependent. It's so hard when you see your child hurting but I know it is her addiction and her recovery. Thanks for sharing with me. I am grateful my daughter has this forum and all of you to share with when she gets out of her inpatient treatment.
- 1Feb 14, '13 by sissiesmamaHello jordanpj - just wanted to check in and see how you were doing. KristieRae is absolutely right in her post! She by now probably has a sponsor while in treatment. The sponsor he picks can be such an asset - it wa a little difficult when I was looking for a perm. sponsor. At first, I tried looking for a sponor that wa a nurse. Not long after I started working with her on my recovery she passed away after having a stroke.
I was able to find one that really worked for me - she works in hotel management. Sometimes it just takes a little searching to find one that "fits".
Alanon will definetly be a great help to you while your daughter and you start the road to recovery. My mom went and it really helped her understand eveything.
Hope she's doing ok during her inpatient stay. Hugs to you for joining the road to recovery. I'll be glad to hear from her and help in any way I can. It's nice to talk to another recovering nurse in Louisiana.
I think I've been the only one in the forum from our state.
- 2Feb 14, '13 by jordanpjHi Anne! Thanks so much for checking in on us. I am going to my alanon meetings and they are really helping me. My daughter is doing well in her inpatient treatment. We get to visit her on Saturdays. I am going to tell her about you and she will be excited to connect with you. Yes, it is a bonus meeting another from LA. My daughter tells me it really helps talking to others who are in recovery. It will be so good to connect with her peers on this site. I don't know who her sponsor is in rehab but she has an awesome counselor working with her. Again, thanks for sharing and supporting us. You are an angel!
- 5Feb 14, '13 by Meriwhen Senior ModeratorQuote from jordanpjThe reality is that nursing is a high-risk field for developing an addiction problem, between the stress of nursing, the easy access to drugs and--and this I often feel is the clincher--the "too much knowledge" syndrome, where nurses are telling themselves, "oh I know all about this medication, I won't get addicted to it." But yet they do. A pill here and there becomes two pills, becomes four pills...you get the idea.Someone told me she shouldn't have become a nurse if she was going to become a drug addict!
A good book to read is "Unbecomming a Nurse." It's the first-hand account of nurses who fell into addiction problems. As you read the stories, you'll find that not everyone there fits the "potential addict" stereotype that still persists. They're not all from broken homes and harsh socioeconomic backgrounds...as students often tell me when they come to the CD unit for clinical, many of my patients "seem so normal."
Ultimately, her recovery is in her hands--you didn't cause her addiction, you can't cure her addiction and you can't control her addiction or recovery. That is on her 100%. She's going to have to make a lot of her own choices in her recovery...let her make them. She may not always make the right choices...let her learn from these mistakes. I know you're mom and want to fix things--it's only natural that any mother would want to do that for their child. But she has to take responsibility for her recovery and her actions.
All you can do is offer her your support...as well as take care of yourself. Encourage her to keep gworking through her recovery. Going to AA/NA/SMART/other groups is good for her because she'll meet other addicts and realize that her problem really isn't as unique or uncommon...Caedecus (sp) groups are especially good since she's connecting with other healthcare workers in recovery. And of course, send her here to the recovery forums
You don't need to attend her recovery meetings with her...in fact, you shouldn't. While it's good to go to an open meeting occasionally with her IF she's OK with it, she also needs the space to work through her own feelings. This is no slur upon you, but it's hard for an addict to be honest and open when a loved one is in the room. Especially if they know that loved one has been hurt by their addiction.
You: definitely keep going to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon (the NA equivalent). Also consider checking out Codependents Anonymous--not saying that you are codependent, but as there's a strong correlation between substance abuse and codependent behaviors in the addict's loved ones, you may find useful information and support there. And for the same reason, she shouldn't accompany you to your support meetings because YOU need your own space to work through things. You've got a lot of your own feelings and issues to deal with regarding her addiction: fear, helplessness, frustration, anger, resentment, whatever...and you are entitled to each and every one of them.
Best of luck. It's not an easy road...in fact, the road to recovery is forever. All she (and you) can do is take it one day at at time.Last edit by Meriwhen on Feb 14, '13
- 1Feb 15, '13 by dottimurAl-anon helped me so much as the parent of a child with addiction. I have been going for 11 years and it has changed my life. Congratulations on taking that positive step for yourself. When we change our own behaviors for healthier ones it often has a positive effect on those around us. Good luck.