Mom of RN in rehab lookiing for advice and help - page 2

I am so grateful to have found this website and forum. I have been reading the discussions and appreciate all the info given. My daughter who is an RN for 12 years is in an inpatient drug center... Read More

  1. by   sissiesmama
    Hello jordanpj - just wanted to check in and see how you were doing. KristieRae is absolutely right in her post! She by now probably has a sponsor while in treatment. The sponsor he picks can be such an asset - it wa a little difficult when I was looking for a perm. sponsor. At first, I tried looking for a sponor that wa a nurse. Not long after I started working with her on my recovery she passed away after having a stroke.

    I was able to find one that really worked for me - she works in hotel management. Sometimes it just takes a little searching to find one that "fits".

    Alanon will definetly be a great help to you while your daughter and you start the road to recovery. My mom went and it really helped her understand eveything.

    Hope she's doing ok during her inpatient stay. Hugs to you for joining the road to recovery. I'll be glad to hear from her and help in any way I can. It's nice to talk to another recovering nurse in Louisiana.
    I think I've been the only one in the forum from our state.

    Anne, RNC
  2. by   jordanpj
    Hi Anne! Thanks so much for checking in on us. I am going to my alanon meetings and they are really helping me. My daughter is doing well in her inpatient treatment. We get to visit her on Saturdays. I am going to tell her about you and she will be excited to connect with you. Yes, it is a bonus meeting another from LA. My daughter tells me it really helps talking to others who are in recovery. It will be so good to connect with her peers on this site. I don't know who her sponsor is in rehab but she has an awesome counselor working with her. Again, thanks for sharing and supporting us. You are an angel!
  3. by   Meriwhen
    Quote from jordanpj
    Someone told me she shouldn't have become a nurse if she was going to become a drug addict!
    The reality is that nursing is a high-risk field for developing an addiction problem, between the stress of nursing, the easy access to drugs and--and this I often feel is the clincher--the "too much knowledge" syndrome, where nurses are telling themselves, "oh I know all about this medication, I won't get addicted to it." But yet they do. A pill here and there becomes two pills, becomes four get the idea.

    A good book to read is "Unbecomming a Nurse." It's the first-hand account of nurses who fell into addiction problems. As you read the stories, you'll find that not everyone there fits the "potential addict" stereotype that still persists. They're not all from broken homes and harsh socioeconomic students often tell me when they come to the CD unit for clinical, many of my patients "seem so normal."

    Ultimately, her recovery is in her hands--you didn't cause her addiction, you can't cure her addiction and you can't control her addiction or recovery. That is on her 100%. She's going to have to make a lot of her own choices in her recovery...let her make them. She may not always make the right choices...let her learn from these mistakes. I know you're mom and want to fix things--it's only natural that any mother would want to do that for their child. But she has to take responsibility for her recovery and her actions.

    All you can do is offer her your well as take care of yourself. Encourage her to keep gworking through her recovery. Going to AA/NA/SMART/other groups is good for her because she'll meet other addicts and realize that her problem really isn't as unique or uncommon...Caedecus (sp) groups are especially good since she's connecting with other healthcare workers in recovery. And of course, send her here to the recovery forums

    You don't need to attend her recovery meetings with fact, you shouldn't. While it's good to go to an open meeting occasionally with her IF she's OK with it, she also needs the space to work through her own feelings. This is no slur upon you, but it's hard for an addict to be honest and open when a loved one is in the room. Especially if they know that loved one has been hurt by their addiction.

    You: definitely keep going to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon (the NA equivalent). Also consider checking out Codependents Anonymous--not saying that you are codependent, but as there's a strong correlation between substance abuse and codependent behaviors in the addict's loved ones, you may find useful information and support there. And for the same reason, she shouldn't accompany you to your support meetings because YOU need your own space to work through things. You've got a lot of your own feelings and issues to deal with regarding her addiction: fear, helplessness, frustration, anger, resentment, whatever...and you are entitled to each and every one of them.

    Best of luck. It's not an easy fact, the road to recovery is forever. All she (and you) can do is take it one day at at time.
    Last edit by Meriwhen on Feb 14, '13
  4. by   sissiesmama
    Awesome post, Meriwhen! I couldn't agree more.

    Anne, RNC
  5. by   dottimur
    Al-anon helped me so much as the parent of a child with addiction. I have been going for 11 years and it has changed my life. Congratulations on taking that positive step for yourself. When we change our own behaviors for healthier ones it often has a positive effect on those around us. Good luck.
  6. by   jordanpj
    Thank you do much, Meriwhen. I appreciate your message. It really helped me.
  7. by   jordanpj
    Thank you, dottimur. I am so grateful for Alanon .
  8. by   sissiesmama
    Hey jordanpj - just checking on ya'll and hoping u and your daughter were hanging in there. Please don't hesitate to holler if either of u have any questions.

    Anne, RNC
  9. by   jordanpj
    Hi Anne! I went to see my daughter today and she is doing good. She wanted me to ask you how she could get a recovery nurse as a sponsor? Thanks for checking on us!
  10. by   Meriwhen
    Quote from dottimur
    Al-anon helped me so much as the parent of a child with addiction. I have been going for 11 years and it has changed my life. Congratulations on taking that positive step for yourself. When we change our own behaviors for healthier ones it often has a positive effect on those around us. Good luck.
    Agreed. With so much of the focus trained on the addict, it's easy for family members to forget that they are also affected--and deeply--by a loved one's addiction. They need to take care of themselves as well.
  11. by   sissiesmama
    Good evening! Hope ya'll had a good visit. By the econd visit, the counelor had us working on our steps and presenting them to our small group. We attended AA meetings in town and my counselor told us to start thinking about finding a temp sponsor. There wa one other nurse in treatment while I was there and she kind of showed me the ropes.

    If your daughter wants to find a sponsor that's a nurse, she can start by looking around at ome of the outside meetings, listen to the others when they speak in the meetings. Some may grab her attention, someone may have something in common with your daughter besides being a nurse - kids, pets, ect. Not sure about her center and their requirements, but at ours, the staff sets aside time when her sponsor can come by the facility and work with her.

    Some times, a sponsor may or may not be a good fit - as long as she is honest. It may not be the first or second peron that may fit her , but she will find someone that is a good fit for her.

    Please let your daughter know I am sending good positive thoughts.
    Anne, RNC
  12. by   jordanpj
    Hi Anne! I will give her this info and tell her you are sending positive thoughts. Thanks again for all your help.
  13. by   sissiesmama
    Just checking on y'all again - hope your daughter is still doing well at treatment. Please let her know I have been thinking of her and hope all is well.

    Hope the legal aspect gets resolved - it sure would be nice if they would just let her be on probation - community service maybe?

    Let me know if she has any questions or if I can help in any way! Look forward to her joining us here at AN.

    Anne, RNC