Hopes for the New Year???

  1. Happy New Year's my fellow wayward Nurses and denizens of Nazi-Monitorisville:

    I write this this morning thinking of my aspirations for the new year and with the hope that some of you would care to share yours. I've only been on this forum for a short time and you have all in your own way offered me support for which I'm eternally grateful. Anyway, here are my hopes for the new year:

    1) Resolution: I hoping for some finality in some areas of my life. First, I was involved in a relationship that I broke off but (as these things go) it has lingered and I'm at least 1/2 to blame for that. I told my ex that we had to decide if we were going to get back together by new years or lose each other's phone numbers. Second, School. I'm finally (after some wrangling) going to be allowed to attend my final semester of my DNP studies. I hope this new year brings a successful graduation and passing of my boards. Finally, PNAP. In the next couple weeks I can step down to every other week nurse support meetings then they step down to once a month after a few months and go away. I'm hoping to do what is necessary to make PNAP's involvement in my life be reduced to pissing in a cup a couple times a month which I think is an apt metaphor. Of course I have to stay sober and send in a monthly form but I'd rather drink battery acid than fail a pee test so without a false positive (always a concern) I don't think that's a problem.

    2) Re-building: Digging out of the wreckage. First at work. Before my DUI I was an ER nurse heading into the home stretch with my DNP studies. I made a very good living, had no debt to speak and generally was a happy guy. Now I'm in a job I'm Ill suited for and that (according to my last paycheck) cost me about $40K per year in annual income. Between Sick & Annual Leave I had about 1000 hours saved which was a damn good thing because its all gone now. Now my finances are wrecked beyond any recognition. I'm behind on all my bills and have no current idea how to get out of this mess. I've considered bankruptcy but bullheadedness prevents that probably smart move. So should I graduate I'll be promoted to an NP position at work this spring which means a raise which will put me back at the earning capacity I enjoyed before. I don't think I can dig out of this financial cesspool I'm in this year but maybe I can start. I would also like to leave some of this emotional wreckage behind. I won't lose my white-hot hatred of this program. In fact it is what insures my continued compliance. However, I can at least try to stop turning those feelings inward and recognize that many, many people make the mistake of driving after drinking and this doesn't have to be a life-ending sentence.

    3) Coming out of the bunker. I'm a social guy. I enjoy people's company and going out. Generally, I have gotten along with my co-workers on all levels. This all changed the minute I was branded in this program. For the most part I go to work and come home. I don't trust other nurses anymore as I've seen first-hand how they can turn on and judge their own. I need to get over this. Life is a precious gift that shouldn't be wasted binge watching Netflix. I'm sure this withdrawal from life could be diagnosed as depression but after this experience I'd never, ever seek counseling for anything. Teddy Roosevelt suffered from debilitating depression and he said the cure for it was action & activity. I think I'll give that a try. In a way I do wish I could stand AA as I think the primary reason it actually exists is to provide a social network for people with addiction issues but I honestly loathe every minute I'm there. So I'm going to force myself to spend more time at the gym, make new friends and perhaps even start dating again.

    These are some of my hopes for the new year. I hope I didn't bore you with my incessant ramblings. I'd love to hear some of yours.

    Happy New Years my Friends!!!

    Spanked
    Last edit by SpankedInPittsburgh on Dec 30, '17
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  2. 18 Comments

  3. by   Meq815
    Thanks for sharing, Spanked. (Sorry).
    Just curious....there's a "cut back to 2 meetings per week" provision with PNAP??? Damn. I've been killing myself to make sure I hit 3, and I'm almost finished.
  4. by   SpankedInPittsburgh
    I'm sorry I miswrote that part. I can cut back to every other week on my hated nurse support groups. You gotta do three meetings week in PNAP till you are sprung from bad nurse jail. Don't be sorry like the old country song said "Yesterday is dead and gone..." It ain't about what happened is about what to do now
  5. by   catsmeow1972
    I'm just counting days until this sentence is over. As I sit here I am considering the fact that as I have satisfied every facet of the contract except for the time, and I wound up board ordered in to a program 2 years after I had self reported (like a bloody idiot) into and because I followed the advice of said program, could I possibly go before the board and petition to be released from said board order and thus the contract. The only thing going on now is time wasting and thus punishment.
    The thing is, it seems to be near impossible to get a time slot to appear before the board. I actually think I could fake the contrite thing enough to just get this over with on the idea that I just want to go back to work and stop feeding the machine money for no reason. It's not like I have anything else to do. It seems like a decent goal for the new year. The worst they can do is say no.
  6. by   SpankedInPittsburgh
    Go for it Cats!!!
  7. by   Meq815
    Damn, Spanky, you got me all excited. Thanks for the clarification. I seriously used to be in tears thinking about having to go to group. When I was finally sprung, it felt like my first taste of freedom.
  8. by   SpankedInPittsburgh
    YAY!!! Meq good be excited. This like a bad flu will pass. You are still the same great nurse and person you were. Wipe the dust of this experience off you and move on with life
  9. by   Recovering_RN
    Well my goals for 2018 are

    1. Finish TPAPN in August (yay!) and then
    2. work as little as possible. I will work PRN for several different facilities owned by my current employer. I like PRN, more freedom over my schedule, and I can jump from one facility to another, easier to avoid the drama that comes with working full time. Morale tends to rise and fall in cycles, I've found, and when I work PRN I have always been able to avoid the drama that seems to affect the full time staff due to personnel issues, management policies, etc.
    3. travel! I have several trips I want to take, big and small ones. Camping in the US, road trips all over exploring different parts of the country, camping along the way. And Ireland, Scotland, Italy, lots of places I want to go. Maybe one big trip a year, and several other smaller things in between. These are trips I can't take while in TPAPN, and couldn't take while I was married with kids. No time, no money and my husband had no interest. Now that I'm divorced and the kids are grown, I have a lot more freedom...at least I will when I'm done with TPAPN.
    4. Try cruise ship nursing. Yeah I know, I've heard bad things about these jobs, pay is low, no time off, on call all the time etc. But I recently spoke with a woman who did it and she loved it. Yeah the pay is low, but I'm planning on working PRN so my pay will be decreased anyway, it can't be lower than that. And it's something new to try, maybe it'll be just once (4-6 month contracts), but it's something I've wanted to do but couldn't because I was married. Now that I'm divorced I feel the need to go out and do all those things I couldn't do before!
    5. Increase my hours volunteering at my local animal shelter. I'm there once a week right now, just for 3 hours, if I cut down my work hours when I'm PRN I'll have time to give more to the shelter.

    Everything I want to do hinges on my completing TPAPN. I can't work PRN for multiple facilities while in monitoring. I can't travel (I could but the hassle is not worth it), can't apply for cruise ship nurse jobs. I really don't want to just put my life on hold because of monitoring, I know I should try to live and enjoy my life all the time, right now, not waiting until after I'm done with TPAPN. I just can't though. I just need to feel the freedom of not checking in every single day, and everything else that monitoring entails. 232 days. I can do this.
  10. by   tiffpritRN
    Hopes for the New Year:
    1). Relationships grow stronger ( especially my marriage)
    2) Finally hear from the BON so I can get my monitoring started.
    3) Remain working in dialysis even after the BON contacts me.
    4). Not let my past haunt me anymore!

    This time 2 years ago I was sitting in rehab , so thankful that's over with!

    Happy New Year Everyone!
  11. by   SpankedInPittsburgh
    A happy New Years to You Tiff
  12. by   hppygr8ful
    This time of year is particularly hard for me. I grew up in a home fueled by dysfunction, addiction and violent physical abuse. My 5 siblings and I all turned out to relatively normal people if you discount high functioning alcoholism which 4 out of 5 of us seem to have experienced. Two years ago my mother (who actually detest) was diagnosed with dementia and had to be taken forcefully from her home by we her children because she was no longer safe alone and refused all our efforts to provide live-in help. My closest sister and I fell out over issues regarding my mother's care and we haven't spoken to each other in over a year. I grieve for that relationship and hope the new year may offer a chance to mend that broken fence.

    A little over 16 years ago I was thoroughly done with life and took what should have been a fatal dose of vodka, temazapam, and Benadryl and Tylenol. By some miracle I survived which is how I found myself in monitoring land and all the good people here. My recovery journey has not been an easy one but today I am at peace with myself and want a new year filled with joy and no serious illness or injury to my loved ones.

    I hope to finish my BSN which has stalled several times.

    I want to travel to Ireland and Scotland which are the ancestral homes of my people, but that probably won't happen this year .

    Mostly I just want positive time with my man cub who turns 16 this year and watch him grow into the wonderful man he is becoming. Peace and Namaste friends.

    Hppy
  13. by   noctanol
    Other than the date, is there anything that changes. I'll be asleep whenever the new year gets here. Have to be up at 4, and continue with the requirements of the draconian Texas BON. So, nothing different this "new" year other than the date.
  14. by   catsmeow1972
    Now down underneath the 600 day mark? Like at 598....I'm not sure if that sounds better or worse....

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