Anybody else struggling with anorexia and bulimia?

kajh20 · Feb 24, 2009

So I haven't posted for awhile, but just as an update...I'm doing REALLY well. Like, scary well. I started outpatient treatment again. I haven't purged since January 2nd, which is huge for me, since I usually purge at LEAST 3 or more times a day. I'm hating my body and the way it's reacting to being refed, but not hating it so much that I want to destroy it. I don't really know what finally "clicked," I think it was a combination of things, but whatever. I'm beginning to see that for whatever reason, God has given me the gift of life, and that He wants me to live it abundantly here on Earth. It's minute by minute, but I'm fighting, and I think I'm going to win.

OMG gosh, thats what it was for me too. I was in treatment still slipping up here and there, and two weeks in treatment I was changing to go to the group meeting. I put on my jeans, well I tried....they didn't fit, I was so mad I threw them against the wall and was so ******.

I went to group, sat there in a miserable way. I forget what topic we were discussing but another girl and I had different opinions. And for heavens sake before I knew it I just kinda lost it and went further in explaining my opinion (which I never do) and my voice became louder and louder, then silence and I started to cry and hyperventilate like a little baby and could not stop! The therapist calmly looked at me and asked what was going on for me. I said, I don't know, all I know it that I've gained weight and my clothes don't fit (I had always thought that my ED was not at all about weight), I cried and cried while everyone stared at me in awh.

It was that exact moment (as I look back) when I decided to let the weight go. Since that day things began to click and make more sense day by day, it was the oddest thing to me.

Then after treatment I followed my meal plan and began to run again (I had stopped b/c I can get to OCD about it) and eventhough I was not suppose to weigh myself my yoga studio had a scale in the bathroom (terrible I think). Well, my weight did not budge, it remained the same. After fighting the ED thoughts, I came to realize that I would take remaining at this weight (which was completely normal) over being stuck in my ED. And finally, about 2-3 months later everything evened out and I had to really force myself to eat b/c if i didn't I would get thrown back into a cycle.

Thanks:)

kelsey.kristine, CNA · Feb 2, 2010

I'm bringing back the thread!

I'm currently getting into nursing...working on getting my CNA and then getting into nursing school. I have been eating disordered for almost 9 years now; I'm currently 19.

Right now I'm ED-NOS, but I have been diagnosed Bulimic in the past. I've been to partial hospital twice, and residential treatment once. It worked for the bulimia, as I no longer binge and purge, but I'm back into restricting.

Just thought I'd pop my head in and say hello....getting a little nervous as I'm semi-recovering(I consider myself recovering from Bulimia), and school is def. a major trigger for me! I used to skip classes just to b/p...just hoping I can stick with it and really focus.

kelsey.kristine, CNA · Sep 15, 2010

Bump!!!

I just got my first CNA job at a hospital...3rd shift.

I've been doing really well mentally...but still really struggling with behaviors. I know I need to see a nutritionist and get on a meal plan....it's just very tough for me to eat, and if I do, it's barely a meal a day.

Any tips for getting through while on the job? I tend to use work as an excuse to keep moving and NOT eat....but I know I really can't do that anymore....

catmom1, BSN, RN · Sep 18, 2010

What makes eating disorders so tough is the isolation and separation that it can bring...which just makes the shame and guilt worse. So, maybe, becoming a part of a support group might be very helpful to you. Keeping a journel might also become helpful in order to help process your own triggers....and then maybe bringing your insights to your support group. Either way...reduce your isolation and reduce the guilt you may have.
Big hugs.

I love this advice Thunderwolf! :yeah: I am happy to say that I don't have an eating disorder but I do have addictions that I have not practiced in almost 6 years (gambling & prescription drug abuse).

I can really relate to the shame of the OP and have learned that any addiction flourishes when one is in isolation. In fact, I recently read the best, most succinct definition of addiction I have ever seen: "Addiction is a substitute for intimacy." This would include emotional intimacy with others and intimacy with myself in the form of loving myself for who I am.

Loneliness and shame were big triggers for my addictions and becoming intimate in the ways I mentioned above has gone a long way toward promoting my recovery.

Catmom :paw:

lovingtheunloved, ASN, RN · Oct 3, 2010

So I haven't posted for awhile, but just as an update...I'm doing REALLY well. Like, scary well. I started outpatient treatment again. I haven't purged since January 2nd, which is huge for me, since I usually purge at LEAST 3 or more times a day. I'm hating my body and the way it's reacting to being refed, but not hating it so much that I want to destroy it. I don't really know what finally "clicked," I think it was a combination of things, but whatever. I'm beginning to see that for whatever reason, God has given me the gift of life, and that He wants me to live it abundantly here on Earth. It's minute by minute, but I'm fighting, and I think I'm going to win.

So, more than a year and a half after posting this update, here's another one...

I'm doing great. I still struggle with binging and purging a little, but I've done it about 50 times in the last 10 months, where I used to do it 50 times in 2 weeks. My weight is awful. I've gained an Olsen twin. Which now makes me overweight. But, it is what it is. I am trying to deal with it in a healthy way, which is not easy after 18 years of an ED. I don't like it, but it isn't the the focus of every minute of my life. Speaking of which, I actually have now. I'm no longer isolated, desperate and hurting. I no longer wake up in the morning and start crying BECAUSE I woke up. I have a ways to go, but God has brought such healing, and I know He will continue. If I can get better, anyone can!

Kolohe99 · Oct 3, 2010

......I'm no longer isolated, desperate and hurting. I no longer wake up in the morning and start crying BECAUSE I woke up. I have a ways to go, but God has brought such healing, and I know He will continue. If I can get better, anyone can!

That is so good to hear.... thanks for sharing. :heartbeat