Why dont' nurses help each other?!

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All I have ever wanted to do with my life since the age of 7 was to be a nurse. I accomplished this goal and took a position in the ER. The experienced nurses warned me..."ER nurses eat their young". This was a concept that I came to understand quickly. It is actually one of the biggest reasons that I have not been active as an RN for over a year now. Don't get me wrong, there were the FEW that made the biggest difference in my life because they took the time to teach.

I am sort of jaded by this experience though, I thought that nursing is supposed to be about caring and helping others...at least that's why I became a nurse. It seems that more experienced nurses do not want to take less experienced nurses under their wing. Instead, they become easily frustrated unwilling to explain or flat out tell you that basically you're an idiot for not knowing something. I am still on the fence as to whether or not I will return for a significant amount of time or just long enough to go back to school. Any thoughts or feelings on this topic?

Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.

Wow- seems as though nurse's around my age are all suffering from a collective developmental delay? Perhaps you can use your skills to offer workshops in mature behavior? Probably the jealousies you will have to live with, though.

When I started out the older nurses were very helpful. I remember one time I had an unfair assignment, but assertiveness training wasn't available then, so I very immaturely threw a passive-aggresive hissy fit. Somehow my manager got wind of this and said, "I'm so sorry for giving you all the difficult patients". I still feel bad about how I acted.

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Specializes in Med-Surg Nursing.
True you're helping them and they should sometimes return the favor:), but genuine help should not seek the give and take. You truly help when you realize the other person is swamped and would need assist. When you help because you MUST be paid back, you sound the way you sound now- Disgruntled!

Honey, you don't KNOW me. Only what I posted here. So please drop your "attitude" I saw it in your "experienced nurse" thread :rolleyes:

And I am disgruntled. ...disgruntled with having to clean up after them day after day after day...spending half of MY shift finishing THEIR work because they were "too busy"

When the SAME nurse is swamped DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY...you just CAN'T help them. They need to learn time management skills on their own. That's really not something you can teach someone. Especially an experienced RN. They either get it or they don't. And I'm not referring to new grads cause both of these nurses with whom I work have been in the field for a LONG time...one of them a lot longer than I have. They just never worked in a critical care unit before this job. It's obvious that ICU is NOT for them but they are a body with a license so they stay on.

You just wait sweetie. You're a new grad(I know this because I read your "to the experienced nurse" thread from a few weeks ago). You too will see. Unless you're one of those nurses who just don't get it and no matter what, can't keep caught up no matter what happens. There are just nurses who are like that. No matter how many patients they have or what happens, they are never caught up and stay over their shift for 2 or 3 hours every day!

Your time will come Katie...so until then please don't judge me ;)

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Specializes in Med-Surg Nursing.
Long post warning! Opinion in progress. Before you flame me, please know I'm not talking to "you" on a personal level. I know that some nurses eat their young- there's no excuse for that. I don't do it, won't do it, and can't tolerate it. My opinions stated here are not listed as an excuse for bad people- I'm trying to address the typical good nurse, because the majority of us are good nurses. We have flaws, but we're good nurses. So why don't we, the majority, the good guys, help?

There's a million reasons why. I'll aknowledge once more- Some people just suck. They never made it past middle school in terms of interpersonal relationships. Sad but true- and not unique to nursing.

Looking at issues that are unique to nursing- frustration is often the root of all evil.

Well, we're human, are we not? It could be that we are drowning ourselves and just can't help. Sometimes, we've helped someone as much as we can and they just need to help themselves a bit now. There are a few things you can't teach- the only way to learn is to say a quick prayer and just do it. Sometimes we work in such impossible situations we become numb. It could be that we just don't realize someone else needs help. We forget that the new nurse is new, especially if the new nurse is doing a good job. Some of us are not good teachers and we just can't explain how to do something that's second nature to us. Many times, especially in the ER, it's easier and safer to just take over. I understand if someone has never helped Dr. ER insert a chest tube. If someone is needing a chest tube right now, it's unlikely that there's enough time to turn the situation into a positive educational opportunity.

I personally will help anyway I can. Some things can't be sugar-coated, though. I'll be blunt, and I'm not talking to the OP personally, I'm just listing some reasons why even the nicest nurse says no. So.....

To 'help' is not to enable. I'm not doing your job for you. I'm not getting suckered into making your life easier, again, just because you asked nicely. I'm not going to coddle you when it's not needed anymore- put on the big girl undies and deal. It could be I won't help because I know you're ready, I have faith in you, I trust you to do well.... it's a good thing! I'm not going to 'help' if it's a good situation for you to finally go solo. (IE, nice doc, he likes to teach, you're familiar with the concept, and the pt is stable. You're on your own, it doesn't get any better.) I helped you with xyz before, and you didn't appreciate it/tried to turn it against me/complained that I did it wrong/didn't explain well/we didn't do it this way in school/asked inappropriate questions in front of the pt,family,doc/made inappropriate comments in a likewise manner/etc. I'm not taking over again just because Dr. Twit is working, he's not quitting anytime soon and we all have to deal with it. Same goes with the rude pt- you've avoided Mr. JA several times all ready- it's your turn. I won't take all the kids/psych/druggies for you. It goes with the territory. I once worked peds, but I won't 'help' you by starting every IV needed for all pts 18 and younger. I like trauma, but I can't abandon the pts I have now just because you don't like trauma.... tempted as I may be. I may be better at something then you are, but I once was horrible at it as well, you can't hone the skills if you avoid it.

It's been said before a million times, the ER is no place for a new nurse. I happen to work with a nurse who went to the ER right out of school and this nurse is doing a phenomenal job. I admire this person greatly. It's not the norm, though. We're a rough and rowdy lot, ER nurses. Most of us have a high degree of accountability and a strong sense of responsibility. We are impatient, blunt, have some serious skills, and don't back down. We have hearts of gold and realise gold is too soft and malleable, so we protect our hearts with balls of steel. If it's not needed, we don't care- that way we can care when we need to. Even the quietest and nicest of us have a fair amount of attitude. We discriminate against the healthy, that's our job. I'll provide emotional support if I can, if the ABC's of all pts are met I'm happy to get a pillow or sit down beside the addict and really talk. If the kid next door is about to crash and a healthy pt has waited two hours already, the chances of healthy pt leaving happy anytime in the next two hours is not looking good and I don't have time to be nice about it. No amount of inservice, healthcare reform, guilt trips, personal agenda, threats, rewards, etc. trump the ABC's. No amount of discussion on how it should be will change how it is tonight.

Could I say it nicer? Probably, but a pretty bow doesn't change the package. To the OP, I hope you reconsider nursing. It's a wonderful job- and the best thing about nursing is that there are so many specialities. Is ER right for you? Don't give up on it yet. With a few years of experience it could be your dream job. Were you treated fairly? Maybe not. Not all of them are good*. Every area of nursing has bad nurses, bad people. If the only reason you would ever consider grabbing a stethescope again is to eventually get out, you won't be happy working as a nurse in any environment. I'm not judging you, I don't think you're a bad person if that's the case- I just don't think anybody should do something they don't like simply as a means to an end. If this isn't the case, it's time to get back to it. The longer you wait, the less likely you'll go back- life is too short for that. Brush up on your knowledge, see what's available, and jump into it without letting a bad experience hold you down! You go girl! ... or guy, whichever applies :)

*(I recently had a discussion with another nurse concerning a friend's experience as a new nurse several towns over. I wanted to go over there and smack some decency into the staff- it was horrible. I take everything with a grain of salt- but it'd take more then a grain of salt, a shot of tequila, and a lime soaked in ativan to make me even consider defending those nurses. A classic example of how a few nurses really are horrible people.)

Great post!!:yeah: :yeah: :yeah: This is how I feel about one of the RN's who currently works in my unit(the part I bolded). She asks other nurses to do her IV's for her and we all think it's because she doesn't know how. Must've had an IV team at her previous hospital! We don't have that here in our small community hospital.

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Good nurses try to do everything possible to do things the very best way that they know how. If you are not doing things their way then you are either not doing it the best way or they are wrong. Since no one likes to be wrong, you must be doing it wrong instead. If you fail to temper that kind of attitude with tolerance you end up with a good nurse "that eats their young". I would continue up the chain of command at your school sying that you just want to complete the course but are not afraid to take any measures necessarry to respond to this libel/slander.

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Specializes in Med/Surg.
Honey, you don't KNOW me. Only what I posted here. So please drop your "attitude" I saw it in your "experienced nurse" thread :rolleyes:

And I am disgruntled. ...disgruntled with having to clean up after them day after day after day...spending half of MY shift finishing THEIR work because they were "too busy"

When the SAME nurse is swamped DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY...you just CAN'T help them. They need to learn time management skills on their own. That's really not something you can teach someone. Especially an experienced RN. They either get it or they don't. And I'm not referring to new grads cause both of these nurses with whom I work have been in the field for a LONG time...one of them a lot longer than I have. They just never worked in a critical care unit before this job. It's obvious that ICU is NOT for them but they are a body with a license so they stay on.

You just wait sweetie. You're a new grad(I know this because I read your "to the experienced nurse" thread from a few weeks ago). You too will see. Unless you're one of those nurses who just don't get it and no matter what, can't keep caught up no matter what happens. There are just nurses who are like that. No matter how many patients they have or what happens, they are never caught up and stay over their shift for 2 or 3 hours every day!

Your time will come Katie...so until then please don't judge me ;)

I know EXACTLY what you are saying, and you are right.

There are a couple of nurses on my floor like this. Two that come to mind have been there a LONG time, too, longer than me, and I'm going on nine years, so they're not by any means new nurses or new to our floor. Without fail, they always seem to be working in a tornado. Always behind, always *SO* busy, etc etc. Helping them isn't really going to help. Following them is a nightmare, you're left with a mess, without fail. Yes, some days ARE just that crazy, and we all have those days, but...it's not every day. It really isn't. Eventually, NO, you don't want to help them any more. And not because it has to be "even," , because it doesn't, but when you know dang well that they would never be able to help you in return (even ONCE in a while), because they just can't be organized enough to ever spare 2 minutes, then no. You don't want to...and moreover, don't HAVE to...continue to help them with every little thing, day in and day out. Yes, when there really is a bad situation, and help is really necessary, of course I help. But there has to be a line. I don't feel bad about drawing it.

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Specializes in Med/Surg.
True you're helping them and they should sometimes return the favor:), but genuine help should not seek the give and take. You truly help when you realize the other person is swamped and would need assist. When you help because you MUST be paid back, you sound the way you sound now- Disgruntled!

Genuine help doesn't seek give and take, you're right. We're talking about people that DON'T need genuine help in the first place.

It's not disgruntled. It's realistic. You'll see it eventually.

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Specializes in Med-Surg Nursing.
. Without fail, they always seem to be working in a tornado. Always behind, always *SO* busy, etc etc. Helping them isn't really going to help. Following them is a nightmare, you're left with a mess, without fail. Yes, some days ARE just that crazy, and we all have those days, but...it's not every day. It really isn't. Eventually, NO, you don't want to help them any more. And not because it has to be "even," , because it doesn't, but when you know dang well that they would never be able to help you in return (even ONCE in a while), because they just can't be organized enough to ever spare 2 minutes, then no. You don't want to...and moreover, don't HAVE to...continue to help them with every little thing, day in and day out. Yes, when there really is a bad situation, and help is really necessary, of course I help. But there has to be a line. I don't feel bad about drawing it.

:yeah: This is exactly one of my coworkers! And exactly how I feel! Thanks!:)

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rhiarn75....i must say, this response is almost identical to what one of the few, but most amazing nurses that i met in my er experience would say to me. she always gave it to me straight and didn't hold back, but all the while encouraging me to do my best and push on. i always knew that she was a "real" person/nurse....to say it frankly....there was no b*llsh*t about her. she was the type of nurse that i aspired to be. i like criticism...especially when it's the cold hard truth, how else will i learn my lesson? sometimes though, i would like a pat on the back after you've bitten my head off haha. no, seriously...i think out of the posts you really described what that experience was like and how er nurses have to be to survive. you have honestly reminded me of the good that came from it. i just may return to nursing, although i don't think you will be seeing me in an er again anytime soon. thank you :)
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to everyone who responded on my post with "productive" responses....thank you. i would like to add that i understand that i need criticism and not everyone is going to "like me". that's not realistic, that would be childish.

i meant more along the lines of directly regarding patient care, or can you show me a skill i'm unfamiliar with, medications, etc. i can certainly see how you could get very frustrated with someone asking you trivial things day after day. i personally made it a point to write things down on a little pocket notepad if i thought i would forget. that way i wouldn't have to ask but once or twice. also, i always tried my best to help others: rn, lpn, tech, doc, etc.

don't get me wrong, i'm not saying all nurses are like this. like i said in my original post there were a few people...not just nurses....that were amazing and taught me skills and knowledge you won't find in a textbook. this however does not mean that they "went easy on me". my preceptor would tell me when she wanted me to do things on my own and that was that...i did it on my own. others would come in and chew me out for something, but at the same time they would be giving me the answer i needed and send me on my way to complete my shift.

it was constructive criticism and it actually got me through some of my worst days. i could see that this was for my own good. what i was referring to is when they flat out say "figure it out on your own" or "i don't have time for this". i mean we did team nursing and like others have said the patient's belonged to all of us, so not at least pointing a newer nurse in the right direction to find info or help is technically not providing good pt care...in my opinion.

furthermore, i think it takes years...not months or one year or even two for new grads to even begin to gain a level of knowledge and confidence that experienced nurses have. i know that we can all agree that you can pass ns and read all the books you want but at the end of the day you don't have a clue what being a nurse is until the first day you step onto that floor. one day the "new" nurses will be the "old" nurses so share the wealth of knowledge that you have...you will make a difference in the ones who are ready and willing to soak up any knowledge you want to give.

thanks again for helping me think all this through and get different perspectives on the subject :)

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Specializes in Med/Surg.

I'll add to my posts that, no, I don't believe it's ever acceptable to get a "figure it out on your own" or "I don't have time for this" response to an honest question. I personally love to precept students and new grads. I just wanted to give you a little different view to think about it from. Your original post sounded like you were condemning ALL nurses for such behavior, your last post clarifies your intent a lot more.

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Specializes in ER.

Scorpio, I just hate to see someone worry they maybe should try something else because of a bad situation. I was there once, different area, different hospital... and I dreaded going to work. I worked with some great people, a few nasty ones, but staffing was far from safe and management far from helpful. I remember a week into my new job (when I finally quit because I was afraid to work that way any longer) I looked around and thought... this is how it should be.

When I found my way to my little ER, I had a coworker similiar to the one you describe. She was a hella nurse. She intimidated me greatly in the beginning- after one hellacious weekend we were friends. What a woman! She's the one who once slid a chart towards me and said "Here, sign this with me. When we go to court I'll buy you lunch." I just loved her.

So. Brush up your resume and buy some new scrubs. You'll have to search for the greener pastures, but there's one out there waiting. It's worth every bit of blood, sweat, and tears once you find your 'home'.

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Honey, you don't KNOW me. Only what I posted here. So please drop your "attitude" I saw it in your "experienced nurse" thread :rolleyes:

And I am disgruntled. ...disgruntled with having to clean up after them day after day after day...spending half of MY shift finishing THEIR work because they were "too busy"

When the SAME nurse is swamped DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY...you just CAN'T help them. They need to learn time management skills on their own. That's really not something you can teach someone. Especially an experienced RN. They either get it or they don't. And I'm not referring to new grads cause both of these nurses with whom I work have been in the field for a LONG time...one of them a lot longer than I have. They just never worked in a critical care unit before this job. It's obvious that ICU is NOT for them but they are a body with a license so they stay on.

You just wait sweetie. You're a new grad(I know this because I read your "to the experienced nurse" thread from a few weeks ago). You too will see. Unless you're one of those nurses who just don't get it and no matter what, can't keep caught up no matter what happens. There are just nurses who are like that. No matter how many patients they have or what happens, they are never caught up and stay over their shift for 2 or 3 hours every day!

Your time will come Katie...so until then please don't judge me ;)

Hi Nurse-lou, I had to take a moment to reread thread title and it said, why don't nurses help each other? and not "To the experienced nurse.". Err, you may want to get your bearings right....and then we will discuss:)

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