Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 159

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   LPNnowRN
    Quote from gmkj
    I may work for you but since you are on medicaid "I ALSO PAY FOR YOU!"And "NO I AM NOT YOUR PRIVATE NURSE" "I HAVE 39 OTHER PATIENTS ON THIS FLOOR"!. THIS IS A LONG TERM CARE FACILITY NOT A HOTEL!" BOY THANKS, IT FELT SO GOOD TO SAY THAT NOW IF ONLY MY PATIENTS WOULD READ THIS FORUM! LOL! Oh yea I forgot about the resident who is screaming Help!, ,Help!, Help! and when you respond they calmly ask you fro their remote control or some other unimportant task,meanwhile you were trying to pass out one of you 40 something patients medicine, and you have to put everything in the cart and lock it up before running because you are sure by the sound of it that the patint is falling out of bed!

    And then they do it all over again eight more times in half an hour!!!!
  2. by   dr.lecter
    Stop hitting on me, old man. Not going to happen.
  3. by   sharpeimom
    Quote from mrs.myers
    stop hitting on me, old man. not going to happen.

    mrs. myers was my junior high french teacher.
    if she were still alive today, she'd be about 120 -- at least.:d
    she was a special lady.
  4. by   talaxandra
    "I don't come to check your vital signs, empty your IDC, clear your IV pumps and give you meds because I've got nothing better to do - I do it because you're here for nursing care."

    Same patient: "When I tell you that I can't debate the merits of you receiving antibiotics at this inconvenient time because I've got another patient critically unwell it's not 'bull***' and I'm not 'blowing smoke up your arse' - I've got an elderly woman who passed over 500ml of fresh blood, has hypotension and tachycardia, and there are five nurses and seven doctors working out where to from here. Stop being difficult and let me hook up the ******-******* vanc so I can get back to her."
  5. by   wannabeagreatRN
    Quote from Bugaloo
    "You want to leave AMA because I won't give your pain medicine 2 hours early? Be my guest."

    "You don't know why your blood sugar is 495? Could it have anything to do with the donuts that your family brought in for you to eat because we were starving you on a 1800 cal diet?"

    "If you push that call light one more time for something stupid, it is going where the sun does not shine."

    "I certainly believe you when you say that you do not use illicit drugs, but your urine drug screen states otherwise."

    "No, I will not hold your penis for you to urinate. Neither one of your hands are broken, nor have you had a stroke."
    I have to love it when men decide they can't wash their own genitals (yet are perfectly capable) so I have actually started telling the one's with significant others "Maybe we should let your (gf/spouse) know that you need help with that?" Turns them right around. And I say it in a very pleasant demeanor as to not be rude.....
  6. by   wannabeagreatRN
    I am sorry, I left my psychic powers in yesterday's scrubs!
  7. by   AngelfireRN
    I did say this the other day, and numerous times before.

    "I realize medication is expensive, and I hate that we don't have samples. This med is old, it's generic. I may be an NP, but I remember what it's like to not have a lot of money. I don't have a lot now. But I make responsible decisions on how I spend my money."

    Patient: "Well, how am I supposed to pay for this? It costs $XYZ per pill! "

    Me: "How many packs are you smoking a day?"

    Patient: "What difference does it make?"

    Me: "Because that is money that you could use to buy your medication, that's the difference."

    Patient: mutters something unintelligible and stomps out.
  8. by   AngelfireRN
    And one that brought the house down...our doc now has an edict that all of our pain management pts (who are seen bi-monthly) will have to present to clinic and physically pick up their prescriptions for the second month's worth of meds (prior to, we did a DNF before date on the second script, but we've had an increase in the number of "stolen" scripts). So, we've had some grumbles, but most folks are OK with it. Except one....

    Receptionist: "Just FYI, Lilly's waiting to see you."

    Me: "I just saw her yesterday. Is something wrong?"

    Receptionist: "Nope, she's mad about the script rule."

    Lilly: "I want my script. I can't come all the way over here every month."

    Me: "I'm sorry, Lilly, this came from Doc. I can't change it. He makes the rules. You know that."

    (This is in front of a waiting room FULL of patients, BTW)

    Lilly:"Do you have any idea what gas costs me?"

    Me:" No more than it costs me or anyone else here"

    Lilly: Sputters and stomps out (in possession of ONE script)

    Waiting room: Round of applause. Apparently she'd been grousing the whole time she'd been there.
  9. by   AngelfireRN
    And, yes, I'm hijacking my own thread here....what happened to Tazzi?
  10. by   morte
    I think it has been a couple of years since she has been here....."needed a break"?
    I think the script thing is a law, don't think you can give those DNF before a certain date anymore.
  11. by   AngelfireRN
    Morte,

    Alabama laws are somewhat different, we still can and do give the DNF scripts. I live in one of the on;y two remaining states where NPs can not write controls. Go figure. But before I even hired in, we invited the AMA compliance officer in, and she was just great. It's a great relief to KNOW what I can and can't do. Much less room for an oopsie.
  12. by   flashpoint
    I know it can be embarrassing to talk about, but you have to tell us what is wrong before we can help you. I don't expect perfect medical terminology, but I also have no idea what you mean when you say "My whatchamacalit hurts." I don't know if you are talking about your penis or your anus or your uvula." I would rather you used juvenile terminology like "weiner" than make me ask a million questions trying to figure it out. I also have no idea what you mean when you say "I did a oopsie and I need help." Just tell me the condom broke and you want Plan B. I can help with that. And…I don't know what you mean when you say, "I feel puny," "I feel like I am shutting down," or "My insides are all flaky."
  13. by   Chixie
    Just because my behind is on this chair does not mean i am not working. As you can see i have a huge pile of charts in front of me, i am documenting the docs round, i'm not exactly sitting here with my feet up having a laugh.


    Also dont you dare say that nurses should not be allowed to prescribe and that this should be left up to the doctors.

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