Hi. I just wanted to post my thoughts here and be done with the way that I feel. I just rescently recovered from a drug overdose in the attempts to commit suicide. It was brought on by a nervous breakdown secondary to my medications. I have BP disorder. I have never had problems at work it my BP. I do take my work home with me, which adds to the problem. I'm not some fly by night fluzzy nurse. I am half way into my MSN.
Anyway, I wanted to say something. When I was at the ER, I was in and our of consciousness. I was confused, mummbling, whatever. My husband said that the nurse I had was very rude. I don't remember her very much. I know that the nurse that greeted me was cold and acted like she didn't want to have anything to do with me. She was rude to my husband. She never made eye contact with him. It was like she didn't like to have me as a patient because I wanted to die that day. My husband said she was pregnant so that maybe her pro-life attitude went above and beyond caring for someone who was in trouble. I vaguely remember a nurse with a bad attitude (probably the same one) walked in and set two cups down on my table. She said angerily, "here drink these." Was she thinking I would refuse?? I swigged them down like they were charcoal shots. I do remember her saying, "I've never seen anyone take them that fast." I looked at her and said, "You said take them. So I did." I was so out of it, I would have eaten dog poop if you told me it was my medicine.
I'm not proud of what I did. I just want to convey to the nurses out there that have bad attitudes that there are people out there that have problems. Some of us have very little coping skills due to our upbringings and we may also have mental illnesses. Don't judge those that don't know how to live life. You don't know where we are coming from. It's not just about giving up.
I wasn't asking for anything from that nurse. My husband was the one that needed the support. I was too out of it to really care. I hope these self centered - doesn't think ourside the box - cannot get past their own feelings - nurses remember what I've said it. For goodness sake, don't disrespect the family member. My husband was a basket case and the attitude from this nurse brought him down another notch.
I'm so sorry that you and your husband had to go through such a cold-hearted experience. Far too often, nurses are frightened of patients with SI or they feel inadequate because they don't know what to do.
Taking care of you may have tapped into her personal history, as well. If she had a close friend or family member who killed themselves, you might have been getting some anger meant for them.
I worked for years in psych, and have a soft spot for those who reach the breaking point. I have never gotten to that point myself, but I've watched others endure such pain that they just want it to stop, even if it means suicide. Some of my children have had friends kill themselves, and not too long ago, one of my husband's co-workers finished himself off. It's horrible for everyone involved.
I wish I could give you a hug right now. And your husband, too. I'm so glad that you didn't commit suicide for both your sakes.
Are you feeling any better now?
Please, PM me if you want. I hope you have good practitioners--psychiatrist and therapist--to help you figure out how to move forward. Most of all, I hope you are hurting less.
I'm glad you have an understanding partner.
Take good care of yourself.
Last edit by rn/writer on Jul 12, '11