Quote from Poochiewoochie
From one of those "overbearing" family members that you are talking about.
When my Mom was alive she had dementia. It was very hard for her to answer all the questions that were thrown at her when she went to the doctor or hospital. Plus, IMO most medical professionals have no clue how to treat a dementia patient when they come in. No, she could not comprehend how to use a call light, No, she could not comprehend how to call up and order her food since she lost the ability to use a telephone a long time ago. She could not answer when you asked her the 5 rights-right patient and so on. I was not POA but I had no problem advocating for my Mom since she could not do it herself and trusted me. I had to tell each and every person who treated her that she had dementia because somehow that little fact always seemed to get lost whenever someone told the next person about her.
Instead of being annoyed by family members who do this why not try to understand that maybe there is a reason behind it. I don't think most of them are doing it to be controlling or annoy you. They know their family member that is being treated and maybe, just maybe, there is a reason as to why they are doing it.
We are never annoyed by family members who advocate for their loved ones, or provide much help as you did with your mother.
Someone else mentioned that, even with dementia, we still need to treat our patients. I will always ask my patient questions, especially if I am meeting them for the first time, because I need to see for myself where they are at. I know they have dementia, but that can take many forms and stages and if I'm going to get a sense of the person, I need to talk with them. So what you may have taken for a lack of knowledge was in fact an assessment. We learn a lot by talking with our patients. If they clearly become overwhelmed, or are unable to answer, then I know more about how to work with them.
I am the first to admit that sometimes we don't have the resources in a hospital setting to provide as much support for people as we would like, so I am always glad for daughters (sons, grandchildren, etc) who are able to help with those tasks such as helping at mealtimes (where I work, nobody has to 'order' meals, but for those who need help eating, it's nice knowing there is somebody to do that). It gives me more time to help those who don't have the family support.
There is a difference between people who are there for their relatives and people who are overbearing. I see both types on a regular bases and some families are more difficult to work with than others. Some are just not willing to trust the staff no matter what, which makes caring for their loved one more difficult, the exact opposite of what they are trying to achieve.
I looked after a very competant woman in her nineties, whose granddaughters insisted on speaking for her, over her, and making plans for her care without her consultation. This case is vastly different from that of you and your mother. She wasn't able to speak for herself, so of course you needed to. My patient could, but her granddaughters felt they knew better. I would like to think this second scenario is closer to what the OP was referencing.
Poochiewoochie, your mother was lucky to have you to advocate for her.
EDIT: I say "we are never annoyed", though I suppose that is a statement of an ideal world. We SHOULD NOT BE, is closer to the truth. I can't speak for everyone, but I do try to understand where everyone is coming from. A family member who is truly advocating for their loved one is a good thing. Sometimes, though, people really are challenging to work with, and it's only human to feel annoyance. It's how we handle the situation that makes the difference.