Nurses Eating Their Young

[Doc Lori, R.N.]

If you haven't read the article "Nurses Are So Mean", it is a great read.

Typically, when mammals eat their young, it is an instinct which satisfies dominance. There is a clear lack of emotional bond and attachment, so what creates their desire to dominate? The young are simply perceived as a threat, that's what. A threat to what, you ask? To the natural progression of things. To safety. To the way things 'should' be. Naturally, when referring to nurses who eat their young, they don't take a young-wet-behind-the-ears-new-graduate into the break room, season 'em up with condiments and literally ingest them. Or, shall I say, I hope not. Besides, this most probably requires the taking of a full lunch break, and who the heck has time for that.

Let's be rationale. For us human type mammals, it's safe to say that in this case, the word "eat" implies a sense of "control over", "I'll tell you a thing or two", and "who do you think you are bouncing in here all bright eyed and bushy tailed on my territory".

Guess what it really means?

In case this is your first experience reading my writing, I like to utilize the analogy of pretending we live in the stone age to get points such as these across with humor and candor.

Say you go to work your shift, and your manager indicates that perhaps they forgot to mention this to you, uh..but you are such a strong nurse that you are a new graduate's preceptor for the next 6 weeks. You are wearing a uni-shouldered Betty Rubble frock, and are armed with a club. You have a bone in your hair. You are introduced to Penelope Perky, R.N. Good grief, even her club is new and fancy. (Go figure, yours has been used a lot more). A Littman drapes around her delicate swan-like neck, worn much like the Queen's sash, having just been coronated. Her clogs, a pair of shiny white virgins never knowing the warm pleasures of vomit, MRSA, liquid stool and urine. Her new name tag doesn't even have one lousy drop of blood on it, yet. Penelope is eager, full of fresh ideas, channeling her inner Florence Nightingale, ready to change the world. HA! What does she know! Your eyes narrow into slits, your pupils are pinpoint. You raise your club in the middle of morning report, ready to pounce on the threat to all that is.

Hold it right there. Here is the time to evaluate. Because you are a cave-person, you only speak in grunts, only experience feelings viscerally. If you were to only have one word available to you to describe your reaction, what would it be? What color is it? 'Where' do you feel it?

Why is it that you feel the need to strike? You are evolved, intelligent and insightful. Go beyond the primal instinct to devour. What the heck is the problem here?

That evening when you are in Wilma's kitchen ready to make a pot of pterodactyl soup, boil this down also:

From my loving heart space to yours, I share this with you, clubs down. Fear is the basis of all outward emotion. Yes, Ms. Thang, Ms. I-can-catheterize-a-nun-in-the-dark, Ms. Go-to for all of your unit's tough blood draws, Ms. I am on first name basis with every physician who has practicing privileges within 500 miles. You are fearful. But, of what, and why?

Consider

1. Fear of change
2. Fear of actualizing skill sets which you need work on
3. Fear of being perceived as something less than or inferior to who you would like to be perceived as
4. Fear of a shift in the hierarchy of your unit
5. Fear of having to address issues about why you respond to things in the manner which you do
6. Fear of growth
7. Fear of other's acceptance of and the embracing of new staff
8. Fear of not being able to feel safe
9. Fear of the unexpected
10. Fear of aging

Be secure in who you are. Do self love and boundary work. Elevate your consciousness for the sake of embracing the goodness of all. Eliminate feelings of threat. Forgive past circumstances for causing you pain and heart ache. Love yourself enough to accomplish these things. You are worthy of the care which you provide to others. Be kind to new nurses. (They may have to give you an enema some day). Above all, always remember to Nurse Your Spirit!

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I think that there has been a slight change to the way the eating of nurses has been happening. While there have been older nurses that eat their young their are younger nurses who think they are gonna cull the herd and go after the older (seen as weaker) herd mates. I have always loved teaching the younger nurses and have always been told that they enjoyed being taught by me and that they learned a lot. I've dealt with a few of this next generation of nurses recently who have tried to cull me from the herd pretty much from the minute that I spoke to them.

And we ought to coin a fancy term for it, so that we can chant it every time someone starts the "NETY" chant. "NETO" just doesn't sound cool.

[Steffy44]

Thankfully no one ever treated me horrible when I started as an RN almost 2 years ago. Everyone at my hospital is kind and willing to help. Seems this isn't the norm. Some of the experienced nurses were intimidating at first but I went in with a "only know enough to be truly dangerous...let me suck your brain dry" attitude and they were more than willing to share. Maybe it helps I'm older and I'm not out to prove I'm better or smarter. I just want to be the best me.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Thankfully no one ever treated me horrible when I started as an RN almost 2 years ago. Everyone at my hospital is kind and willing to help. Seems this isn't the norm. Some of the experienced nurses were intimidating at first but I went in with a "only know enough to be truly dangerous...let me suck your brain dry" attitude and they were more than willing to share. Maybe it helps I'm older and I'm not out to prove I'm better or smarter. I just want to be the best me.

Bullying or "eating their young" is not the norm. It's a myth perpetuated by those who would rather blame their problems at work on bullies or "young eaters" than take a good solid look at how they're contributing to their own problems.

[staceylee67]

Great article that gives an idea, helps us understand why some nurses are so mean. Any mean nurse that reads this may actually take a step back and reflect on his or her behavior and learn something.

[Alnitak7]

Bullying or "eating their young" is not the norm. It's a myth perpetuated by those who would rather blame their problems at work on bullies or "young eaters" than take a good solid look at how they're contributing to their own problems.

I think the real myth is more that no one ever takes a good look at how they're contributing to their own problems. Some of these people really don't know why they're being humiliated and that's why it's so frustrating.

Most of my R.N. teachers helped to empower me and also explained where I went wrong out on the floor in a private conference. If they had not told me what I was doing wrong, I would never know and no amount of introspection would have helped.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I think the real myth is more that no one ever takes a good look at how they're contributing to their own problems. Some of these people really don't know why they're being humiliated and that's why it's so frustrating.

Most of my R.N. teachers helped to empower me and also explained where I went wrong out on the floor in a private conference. If they had not told me what I was doing wrong, I would never know and no amount of introspection would have helped.

You have a very good point. You were lucky that your instructors were brave enough to take you aside and explain to you where you were wrong, but more than that you were smart enough to take advantage of the information and learn from it.

A huge part of that introspection is in being able to "hear the message" rather than concentrating on what you don't like about the delivery. If you weren't open to hearing the message your teachers gave you, you would not have been able to learn from it and correct what you were doing wrong.

Many, many of these posters who are complaining about being surrounded by bullies have been told what they're doing wrong -- and have discounted the information because they didn't like the delivery, because they were absolutely certain that they never made mistakes, because (in one case I remember vividly) the instructor delivering the message was "not our kind of people" or some other "reason" that relates directly to their inability to take criticism. That is what is so frustrating. As a preceptor, I WANT my orientees to succeed. It reflects poorly on me as a teacher and a colleague to have orientees that don't succeed but more than that, I have genuinely liked my orientees and wanted to work with them as colleagues. To have an orientee that I've worked hard with keep making the same mistakes over and over because I cannot get the message across to them that they're MAKING the mistake is a failure on my part, and I take it as such. It is also a failure on their part, however, and I have to keep in mind that while I can present the information, I cannot make them learn it or profit from it.

[goodnightopus4, BSN]

I'm not sure this thread is even live anymore, but I needed throw in my two cents. I was one of those nursing students that felt like I was being eaten alive. I was shy, and when I was told to "just do it," I felt like crawling under the table. I WANTED to "just do it". But I didn't know how. Not the task...I didn't know how to speak up, how to be confident. I got a lot of tough love from nurses, but it didn't feel like love at all back then. The nurses that taught me had an opportunity to build me up, but I have to say, they left me behind.

I'm lucky though. My first job out of school was with a group of seasoned nurses that took the time to actually see me. They didn't let me get away with anything, they told it to me straight AND they reminded me that I could do this.

There is one thing I do with every single new nurse that works with me or has a rotation with me. I take a deep breath, drop all of those other priorities I have swirling around in my head, from both work and home, and I focus on that sometimes not so bright-eyed newcomer. I watch their body language, I ask them questions about what they are excited about and what terrifies them. I lower my guard a little and quietly invite them to do the same. I see them, look for the strengths they either didn't know were there or need a little reminding of. I look for ways that their perceived weaknesses can work for them instead of against them. Yes, I'm too busy for this. Yes, I'm exhausted. But this new nurse is going to be someones coworker. They are going to be taking care of someones loved one. They are going to have life and death decisions to make and I want them to have firm ground to stand on when they do. And even more than that, I want them to learn how to see their patients and co-workers. Knowing oneself and believing in who they are is not a lesson that comes standard.