My God, these family members!!

Nurses Relations

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They are just killing me. Why is it that so many of them feel so entitled to sit in their aging parents rooms and just boss us nurses to HELL and back, while they sit there, fully able to do much of what we're doing for their parent, but simply do NOT have the time to do when we have other patients and issues to deal with. i MEAN -- can't they get mom up at least perhaps ONCE during the day? Does it have to be a nurse doing it every single time, ten times a day??

I just came off a shift tonight where I literally waitressed all day long, making and fetching coffee and water and 100 millions cups of juice for these patients (because we're always short a tech) -- and a patient's daughter was literally screaming at nurses at change of shift to come in and do something or other for her mother. It was absolutely NOT an emergency. (She was actually screaming -- "Good thing it WASN'T an emergency!!" These people have been on our unit for over 2-3 weeks, running every nurse on the unit ragged. Their mother is far over 80 years old and is only going to head to weeks of rehab after being on our unit. They want a private nurse -- that is what they want and need. But they can't get that on a floor. I think their call light was on for perhaps five minutes, max.

I am just SO tired of family members not understanding what we do -- and our managers from the floor to the corporate headquarters not backing us up to explain it to them. We are simply to treat everyone as our "family members" and go above and beyond 1000 percent of the time. Who goes above and beyond FOR NURSES??? DOES ANYONE???

We have no private space to do our charting, we are like fish in a bowl for these family members. If they see you at the nursing station -- that's it. They are ON YOU like flies. If they don't have a reason to bug you, they will find one. So, you don't get your charting done on time and are left to stay after a shift for an hour.

I am just so tired of it. So burnt out. Is it any wonder why they can't keep nurses for long? I mean -- come on, management -- take a LOOK at what you are doing to nurses nowadays. Put some LIMITS, please, on these family members. It is OUT OF CONTROL. :madface:

Specializes in Dr. office, hospital staff.

I have seen the changes in the roles of the RN over the last 50 years. Some good, some no so good. But I do believe that the families and patients do not realize how technical the profession is now, and that they can't expect the same bedside care they once did. I would suggest that you always approach your patient and their families with a smile. Try to remember that they don't know the "new rules" of the hospital and are probably afraid they will get chewed out if they try to do something for the patient. Perhaps a note in the "Welcome" booklet from your hospital could put in a nice note " that families are welcome to do basic things for the the patients, ie: get ice water, up in chair/commode, backrubs, and other things" so that RN's can give the professional care that all patients need". I know how burned out you are, but please try to treat each patient the way you would treat your own family, or how you would like to be treated. Even though you are extremely busy and stressed, a smile and a short explanation (said in a pleasant voice)of what the family can and shouldn't do will help a lot. (I retired after working as an RN ( 18 yrs. in hospital) for 50 years, and recently went through a 3 week hospitalization, so I do understand your point, and hope this will help you. )Good luck.

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I say everyday that it isn't the patient I mind, it is the family!! Rude, demanding, suspicious, know it all, wanting their elderly parents to live in misery forever. Giving trach patient fluids to drink when you say NO! Open visiting hours are some stupid idea of leaders with their heads in the clouds. The patient deserves better then a family member 1" from their face yelling "are you ok?

I secretly dream of walking into the family member's job and get in their face being rude and demanding. The problem is that basic manners and respect for others is gone. And I find the very rich and very poor (the taxpayers footing the bill) usually are the worst in our unit. It is also amazing that the visiting hours on the unit entrance door are totally ignored by family...it is so amazing how many people are unable to READ!! I have been on the other side and have NEVER been demanding, rude, or feel I should pull rank because I am a nurse! Feels good to vent, thanks.

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Specializes in med-surg,tele,vents.

venting is good. keep your cool...being a nurse does mean that you are "RANK". People are people and they need compassion and patience. Do unto others....

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Thanks, so noted. Just venting feelings...

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Specializes in Peds Hem, Onc, Med/Surg.

Its hard especially when you yourself aren't like that at all.

Just remember to breathe!!!

Keeps things interesting I suppose.

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I completely understand what you went thru. I was a waitress and a maid for one of my patients. After she complained about the nurse in the previous shift, I felt I had to do my best to correct this issue. Kept on calling me. I brought her water, juices while she was alone in the room. My big frustration and disappointement was when she had her husband in the room while I was checking on her. She requested water. I told the husband that I can show him the location of the pantry i. He said: " I know where the pantry is" and he handed me the pitcher. I really felt like I was the maid. I even thought of quitting. This is not nursing anymore. And in my opinion, this HCAHPS thing has to do a lot in it. We try to please patients so HCAHPS score can be high. I really think that HCAHPS is having a negative impact on nursing care.

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Specializes in school nursing.

Nothing is going to change unless facilities become more supportive of nurses! Families are only following the lead of the hospital. The "customer service" people that drop off those surveys and chat with the patients (then return to their cute little office after having a nice lunch) have no clue! We need experienced floor nurses in those roles - someone who can advocate for us!

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Specializes in med-surg,tele,vents.

:paw:hang in there.Nursing,as in any service position, is something that must be tweeked to fit. That is to individualize the care and treatment of each and every person you interact with. Get creative. Use some humor,stories to explain whatever it is your involved with. Have fun. sometimes even get a little "BLUE".:crying2: it all can be great. Don't let it get to you. Build a defense wall against the things that get under your skin,not just micro-bugs. :paw: you'll live to practice another year. Beware of the dreaded BURN-OUT. it really sucks.:uhoh3:

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If only they put up "Golden Rule" signs- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you-

very large and pretty- better homes and gardens style- something people would notice....

but of course that would probably backfire too...

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My God ...My God... I always say that. My friends you expressed my feelings... what a terrible situation.. Now i know I am not only the person who felt this waitress posting. management is so bad to handle this situation .. they just want to make us work hard to glorify their hospital status.. hospital want patients.. nurses can be terminated on the spot in this low economy position ..nurses should be very careful doing customer service..is there any changes gonna happen .. i don't think so. nobody there to support us. management watching for mistakes to question the nurse.what a terrible situation. we can do one thing..lets share , and share and again share our feelings ...

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Specializes in Cardiac Telemetry, ED.
We have a spot in the chart for psych/soc aspects of the patient with dropdown boxes such as "demanding", "combative", "hostile", "withdrawn".

As a patient and a health care worker, such documentation covers everyones bottom. However, this documentation punishes the patient and labels them as a "problem patient". Patients can be difficult for many reasons and that often is not taken into account...........

I have had to go the the hospital (ER) three times in the past few months and I will say that I dread it. I feel that nursing staff can't wait to tell me how much they are being put out by my being there. I hate that with the economy or staff stress they are taking it out on the patient. We have no choice

I'm only responding because you quoted me. First, I'd like to say that I'm sorry you recieved such $#i**y care when you were hospitalized, but your description is not representative of the type of care you would have received in my facility or under my care. Second, if you are sick enough to be in the hospital, then you are sick enough to be woken up in the middle of the night for lab draws and vital signs. Third, I was not referring to a person being cranky because they're receiving poor care. I was referring to people who, despite receiving excellent care, nevertheless are not behaving in a way that can be considered "Within Normal Limits", even taking into account that they are ill, not at their best, probably have not slept well due to being woken up for vitals and lab draws, etc. Speaking for myself, I do not document someone as "combative", for example, if they are cross with me simply because they are tired and hurting. To me, someone who is ***** because they're in the hospital is WNL. It is to be expected that a person might not behave very nicely when they are sleep deprived and sick. This is why I do things like cluster my care so that I'm not disturbing them a zillion times during my shift, when I can do several things in one visit, leaving them to rest undisturbed for longer periods. This is why I work so hard to make sure their pain is under control, they are warm enough, they have had enough to eat and drink, and have had an opportunity to void, poop, clean up, etc. It's called "Nursing". Please do not use my words as an example of poor quality care. This is not the subject of this thread. :angryfire

I know I'm not very eloquent right now. It just ticks me off when I work my tail off to make my patients and their family members happy, when I *know* that people in the hospital aren't going to be at their best (a big fat DUH!!!!) and have my words used in such a way. It's insulting. I am a damn good nurse, and I know the difference between a sick person who is reacting in a totally reasonable way, and someone who is being unreasonable in their expectations.

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It KILLS me when a family member comes to the desk asking for the nurse of their loved one and when told that nurse is at lunch they get angry and pitch a fit. i couldnt help myself one day and said "did you eat lunch today? it's 2pm and she is just now eating hers so NO i wont call her to come back to the floor. she'll be back in 30 minutes" (it was NOT an emergency..was something stoopid i cant remember now)

We are not allowed to say the nurse is "at lunch". Per management. The scripted line we are to say is..."your nurse is currently unavailable at this moment, what may I assist you with." Apparently the family's and pt's aren't allowed to know that the nurses can take breaks.

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