My God, these family members!! - page 23

by SoundofMusic 50,732 Views | 235 Comments

They are just killing me. Why is it that so many of them feel so entitled to sit in their aging parents rooms and just boss us nurses to HELL and back, while they sit there, fully able to do much of what we're doing for their... Read More


  1. 1
    Good Idea! However, I'm sure I would of been on her "poop list" no pun intended!
    lindarn likes this.
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    Yesterday i was treated to a situation where we'd been dealing w/ a severely demented elderly woman. She was definitely not "pleasantly" confused ...more like cussing, grabbing, nasty, and profane any time we tried to touch her. The poor daughter came in and they lady was doing fine until I came in ....she then lit into me, calling me several choice words right in front of the family and digging into my arm w/ her nails as I tried to re-wrap a sling ...

    Their eyes got wide as saucers and they immediately started apologizing ... it just felt good to finally feel validated, and to have someone actually witness the abuse we'd been taking off the lady for 2 days. Not that I blamed or was resentful of her ...she was obviously mentally incapacitated ...but somewhere down inside, she wanted to let the nurses have it and no one else ....

    It just felt good to have them see it for a change.
    carolmaccas66, amarilla, and lindarn like this.
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    it never ends for me i have one particually abusive family member in my ltc facility that refuses to accept his mother's decline even though we feed her dinner for an hour every night while she spits and fights with us and the food runs out of her mouth and then he states that is is our fault that she is negleted even though i never take a lunch break i sit in the dining room to make sure she is fed while she hits and spits and me or the cena, he refuses to change her from a dnr status or send her to the hospital or let hospice talk to him i have inserted iv after iv, he refuses peg tube placement states if we were not negleting her and doing our jobs and providing her appropriate medical care that she would not be doing poorly and most of my time is spent on the woman and honestly i am just sick of going into work every day and dealing with him threatning to report the facility to the state or call a lawyer for abusing and negleting his mother while i spend most of my day giving her one on one care all day. management and the physcian cater to him because he is such a nasty and abusive and threatinging bully of a man.
    sevensonnets and lindarn like this.
  4. 1
    Quote from BQueenGirl
    it never ends for me i have one particually abusive family member in my ltc facility that refuses to accept his mother's decline even though we feed her dinner for an hour every night while she spits and fights with us and the food runs out of her mouth and then he states that is is our fault that she is negleted even though i never take a lunch break i sit in the dining room to make sure she is fed while she hits and spits and me or the cena, he refuses to change her from a dnr status or send her to the hospital or let hospice talk to him i have inserted iv after iv, he refuses peg tube placement states if we were not negleting her and doing our jobs and providing her appropriate medical care that she would not be doing poorly and most of my time is spent on the woman and honestly i am just sick of going into work every day and dealing with him threatning to report the facility to the state or call a lawyer for abusing and negleting his mother while i spend most of my day giving her one on one care all day. management and the physcian cater to him because he is such a nasty and abusive and threatinging bully of a man.
    Man, if that was me I would SERIOUSLY be taking this guy aside & having a very long talk with him. And if he has complaints he has to put them in writing to the nursing HR office and/or medical administration first after to take it further. U need to get your NM/NUM to speak to him as well, don't put up with it!!
    lindarn likes this.
  5. 2
    Quote from cmccoy6
    Been spending some time going through these posts as I'm having some trouble dealing with demanding family members. Some good tips here...setting boundaries, good delegation. Here's a story that I would love some feedback on:

    I work on a busy med-surg unit that is oncology focused. We have a 1:5 ratio (usually) but on a particular weekend, 2 RNs called in sick, the NM took a vacation day and while we had 3 CNAs on the floor, 2 were doing 1:1 safety watches. This left 4 RNs and 1 CNA to care for 30 pts. Within 30 mins of eachother, we called 3 codes...everyone was scrambling. During this time, a pt's wife came to the nurse's station to say that her husband was on the commode and needed help getting back to bed. It was explained to her that staff was actively involved in SAVING PEOPLE'S LIVES and someone would be available to help her as soon as possible. She then proceeded to go from room to room looking for someone to help her finally arriving in the room where a CODE BLUE was in progress and stepped in between the RN doing chest compressions and the doctor ordering meds and DEMANDED that someone help her husband off the commode.

    Ok nurses.....is this the absolute worst you've ever seen or heard of?
    And how would you/your unit/your hospital have dealt with this?
    I've seen and helped in quite a few codes, but if I'm not involved in the codes, there is always a nurse delegated to stop other people stepping up to the bed or in the room where the code is going on.
    Some people are just stupid & selfish - they either don't want to understand what ur trying to tell them, don't understand what a 'code' means (unless it's explained in very simple language), or just don't effing care.
    They're just idiots.
    sevensonnets and lindarn like this.
  6. 2
    Quote from cmccoy6
    Been spending some time going through these posts as I'm having some trouble dealing with demanding family members. Some good tips here...setting boundaries, good delegation. Here's a story that I would love some feedback on:

    I work on a busy med-surg unit that is oncology focused. We have a 1:5 ratio (usually) but on a particular weekend, 2 RNs called in sick, the NM took a vacation day and while we had 3 CNAs on the floor, 2 were doing 1:1 safety watches. This left 4 RNs and 1 CNA to care for 30 pts. Within 30 mins of eachother, we called 3 codes...everyone was scrambling. During this time, a pt's wife came to the nurse's station to say that her husband was on the commode and needed help getting back to bed. It was explained to her that staff was actively involved in SAVING PEOPLE'S LIVES and someone would be available to help her as soon as possible. She then proceeded to go from room to room looking for someone to help her finally arriving in the room where a CODE BLUE was in progress and stepped in between the RN doing chest compressions and the doctor ordering meds and DEMANDED that someone help her husband off the commode.

    Ok nurses.....is this the absolute worst you've ever seen or heard of?
    And how would you/your unit/your hospital have dealt with this?
    Three codes in quick succession and short-staffed to begin with is enough to cause any unit problems. But I once had a patient go into uncontrolled A-fib and have to be cardioverted, and while I was busy not hiding in the med room and crying, my charge nurse asked a couple of my coworkers to check whether my other patients had any meds due. Now that I'm more experienced and doing charge, myself, as soon as the code team arrives, I try to see that any of our staff not actively involved are checking other patients. It can take some pushing, because everyone is naturally anxious to see how the code turns out, but having some other patient lying on the floor doesn't help the one being coded. Of course, you have to actually have some staff. Still, these problems can be averted to some extent, most of the time. Way better chance of re-educating the staff than the patients' families.
    sevensonnets and lindarn like this.
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    For me it's family members who come into another patient's room to ask me some stupid question like When is the doctor coming? Do that to me and I shut the door in your face. I'm not being rude, you are. We had a CVA patient who was NPO on tube feeding. She was calling for water. The daughter of ANOTHER patient went into the room, gave the lady a drink of water, and then put the bed down flat!!!! And yes, you guessed it, she aspirated. Her excuse? The nurse was ignoring the poor lady and she wanted a drink of water so I thought I was helping. The nurse is always rude to me anyway, and she ignores my mother too and yesterday when I asked her to make me a cup of decaf she said she didn't have time.........
    anotherone, carolmaccas66, and lindarn like this.
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    I was working as a sitter a few weeks ago (which is often its own kind of hell) and a patient's son looked at my badge, looked at me, looked back at my badge and said "Have you put on a few pounds since that picture was taken?"

    I was speechless. Probably a good thing because had I opened my mouth I'm pretty sure I'd have gotten myself fired.

    Off to hit the treadmill....
  9. 1
    Quote from MECO28
    I was working as a sitter a few weeks ago (which is often its own kind of hell) and a patient's son looked at my badge, looked at me, looked back at my badge and said "Have you put on a few pounds since that picture was taken?"

    I was speechless. Probably a good thing because had I opened my mouth I'm pretty sure I'd have gotten myself fired.

    Off to hit the treadmill....
    It always stuns me how rude people can be, don't worry about it, but it makes you feel down at times.
    I've put on weight from studying and working shiftwork and was asked if I was pregnant one day. I said no and the other nurse got embarrased and apologised.
    Some people make rude comments cos they're
    1) idiots.
    2) like to see how much discomfort they can give you and see you squirm.
    3) they have also probably been either on something, like drugs (legal or illegal), or can be from abusive families who have not taught their children the social norms.
    I would have politely but firmly replied I don't appreciate or answer to comments re my personal looks/grooming, but if they're unhappy with the way I'm caring for their relative feel free to make a complaint. Then I would have given a GREAT BIG SMILE and ignored them (smiling at people like that really p*****s them off!)
    anotherone likes this.
  10. 1
    Amazing. I started this thread some 2 years ago. Tonight, on a different unit, (I've quit the hospital and come back) I had this SAME family I'd written about in my OP, only this time w/ the 91 year old Dad who broke his femur during the hurricane. (took care of their mom last time).

    We've all been doing our best, and he just never seems to leave the unit. Today I got chewed out by a daughter or DIL, not sure which ... the cxr people were doing x-rays and taking his arm out of a sling, and then leaving him w/o the sling and not telling me . . .so they family comes in and finds w/ no sling.

    It really didn't matter as he's got such a severe humerus fx that no sling is going to do much good and he's basically bedrest and mostly immobile. What matters is that it's elevated. And it was.

    But, of course, true to fashion, the FM is balling me out about it, even tho she knows we're busy w/ too manypatients ...Dad is stable, as always ...

    I feel the patients are stable, but the family members are definitely MENTALLY unstable, a lot of the time.
    carolmaccas66 likes this.


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