My God, these family members!!

Nurses Relations

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They are just killing me. Why is it that so many of them feel so entitled to sit in their aging parents rooms and just boss us nurses to HELL and back, while they sit there, fully able to do much of what we're doing for their parent, but simply do NOT have the time to do when we have other patients and issues to deal with. i MEAN -- can't they get mom up at least perhaps ONCE during the day? Does it have to be a nurse doing it every single time, ten times a day??

I just came off a shift tonight where I literally waitressed all day long, making and fetching coffee and water and 100 millions cups of juice for these patients (because we're always short a tech) -- and a patient's daughter was literally screaming at nurses at change of shift to come in and do something or other for her mother. It was absolutely NOT an emergency. (She was actually screaming -- "Good thing it WASN'T an emergency!!" These people have been on our unit for over 2-3 weeks, running every nurse on the unit ragged. Their mother is far over 80 years old and is only going to head to weeks of rehab after being on our unit. They want a private nurse -- that is what they want and need. But they can't get that on a floor. I think their call light was on for perhaps five minutes, max.

I am just SO tired of family members not understanding what we do -- and our managers from the floor to the corporate headquarters not backing us up to explain it to them. We are simply to treat everyone as our "family members" and go above and beyond 1000 percent of the time. Who goes above and beyond FOR NURSES??? DOES ANYONE???

We have no private space to do our charting, we are like fish in a bowl for these family members. If they see you at the nursing station -- that's it. They are ON YOU like flies. If they don't have a reason to bug you, they will find one. So, you don't get your charting done on time and are left to stay after a shift for an hour.

I am just so tired of it. So burnt out. Is it any wonder why they can't keep nurses for long? I mean -- come on, management -- take a LOOK at what you are doing to nurses nowadays. Put some LIMITS, please, on these family members. It is OUT OF CONTROL. :madface:

Specializes in Med/Surg, DSU, Ortho, Onc, Psych.
I was working as a sitter a few weeks ago (which is often its own kind of hell) and a patient's son looked at my badge, looked at me, looked back at my badge and said "Have you put on a few pounds since that picture was taken?" :no:

I was speechless. Probably a good thing because had I opened my mouth I'm pretty sure I'd have gotten myself fired.

Off to hit the treadmill....

It always stuns me how rude people can be, don't worry about it, but it makes you feel down at times.

I've put on weight from studying and working shiftwork and was asked if I was pregnant one day. I said no and the other nurse got embarrased and apologised.

Some people make rude comments cos they're

1) idiots.

2) like to see how much discomfort they can give you and see you squirm.

3) they have also probably been either on something, like drugs (legal or illegal), or can be from abusive families who have not taught their children the social norms.

I would have politely but firmly replied I don't appreciate or answer to comments re my personal looks/grooming, but if they're unhappy with the way I'm caring for their relative feel free to make a complaint. Then I would have given a GREAT BIG SMILE and ignored them (smiling at people like that really p*****s them off!)

Amazing. I started this thread some 2 years ago. Tonight, on a different unit, (I've quit the hospital and come back) I had this SAME family I'd written about in my OP, only this time w/ the 91 year old Dad who broke his femur during the hurricane. (took care of their mom last time).

We've all been doing our best, and he just never seems to leave the unit. Today I got chewed out by a daughter or DIL, not sure which ... the cxr people were doing x-rays and taking his arm out of a sling, and then leaving him w/o the sling and not telling me . . .so they family comes in and finds w/ no sling.

It really didn't matter as he's got such a severe humerus fx that no sling is going to do much good and he's basically bedrest and mostly immobile. What matters is that it's elevated. And it was.

But, of course, true to fashion, the FM is balling me out about it, even tho she knows we're busy w/ too manypatients ...Dad is stable, as always ...

I feel the patients are stable, but the family members are definitely MENTALLY unstable, a lot of the time.

Specializes in Med/Surg, DSU, Ortho, Onc, Psych.

Hi SoundofMusic was gonna ask how you were going matey? R u @ the same hospital when you started this thread?

I don't know re other hospitals, but here in Oz we don't tolerate abuse from ANYONE. We have big signs everywhere saying if we are threatened in anyway and bad language is used, that the police will be called. Can you try being firmer with them at all or are you not allowed to be like that where you are?

If rellies are in the patient's room now, I ask them to help with feeding, getting drinks etc and they will do it. One woman told me they weren't helping an elderly relative out, cos they didn't want to interfere in what the nurses were doing. However your patient's rellies sound truly obnoxious! That's when I put on the 'I'm the nurse in charge, not you' attitude and it works. I find with people like u describe, you have to be firm almost to the point of rudeness and unrelenting when they start bossing you around. I've always said if you - as nurses I mean - don't control a shift, it will control you.

And some people are so far in denial re their elderly relative, they don't want to admit that Dad/Mum/Grandam won't get better/won't walk again/won't be leaving the hospital and has to go into care. So they take it out on you - you are there, and you are a convenient target.

Anyway, this stuff works for me. Hope you are coping OK and it's not all getting you down too much. Take charge and be strong!!

Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.

Oz has a better handle on it than the US; here they aren't patients they are clients or consumers. Surveys on your experience in hospital count for more than does the excellent level of care given. Families are always right, nurse is always wrong. Telling off family gets you hauled into the office and reamed out for "poor customer relations"

SICK OF IT!AHHHHH. and the poster who experienced someone commenting on her picture vs. her actual looks. omg i have had similar experiences. and heard a stupid (obviously) family member ask the pt if the nurses were, " at least cute here"........ not all of us....... but most of us are at least smart. and the family meembers who google everything and get very upset if i don't know all of the pt's lab values off the top of my head.............. ugh if it is highly relevent i might know it. inmost cases. i look and forget them. if they are that memorable, it is not a good thing.............................

LTAC/SNF I just left: 60 residents on the LTC side. 2 nurses 5-6 CNAs. 99% of residents are medicare/medicaid. A website shows that double room costs $7200/mo and private $7900/mo. I got drilled on "customer service" when I arrived as a NG. Doing my best CS left me late always. Then the mgmt threatened that we would be charged with theft if we worked past our clock-out time. (Insinuating, verbally and otherwise, that we had to work off the clock even if it was "policy" not to.) This is a FOR PROFIT institution.

Compare with retirement community I just interviewed at:

Private, not-for-profit retirement community. 70+acres. Bungalows for those who can take care of themselves. Apartments for ALF care. SNF - 42 (that's right 42) private rooms. Place was pure luxury! They expected the best for their uber-rich clientele. To meet that need: SNF has 1 Charge nurse, 2 'med' nurses and 10 CNAs for 42 residents! To beat the band....website shows $5200/mo cost! The kicker....the pay is much better too!

It shows the REAL customer focus when profit isn't the driving motive!

Specializes in retired from healthcare.

As if this was not enough, some supervisors demand that "Under no circumstances are you to "get into it," with these family-members.

Some of them are just overgrown children testing their limits. They get smug when they can insult you.

Some of them refuse to listen to reason.

Specializes in LTC.

LTC nurses... prepare yourselves...

Mother's Day is imminent...

You know what that means...

"MY MOTHER LOOKED COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LAST YEAR!!"

Probably.

"WHY DOES THIS SHIRT I BOUGHT HER LAST YEAR HAVE A STAIN ON IT?!"

Because you bought it last year, Dingus. Splurge on Mom and buy her a sweater every once in a while.

"WHO THE HECK IS IN CHARGE HERE??"

Me. Go away.

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