Incredibly rude and disrespectful patients and/or their family members

[lalexa15]

How do you handle them?

I am a fairly new nurse (1.5yrs) and brand new to the hospital setting. I previously worked in a clinic and spent very little time with my patients. I was with a doctor at all times so if a patient was mad, upset or angry they would always take it out on the Dr. Well, now I work full time days in a short term acute care rehab hospital. I love my job, my fellow nurses and the hospital I work at. I have one problem though, I am struggling with incredibly rude and disrespectful patients and/or their family members. No one says "please" or "thank you" and they order me around like I am scum of the earth. I get yelled at all day long by patients and families about stupid things that I cannot control! I get blamed for everything, ordered around and feel like I constantly have to walk on egg shells due to the fact I am afraid the pt or family with complain about me. The other day, a man rang the bell and when I came in to see what he needed, he screamed "turn my light off"! I simply told him I would turn his light off if he would say "please". When I turned around to look at him, he threw his urinal (filled with urine) at me and screamed again for me to turn off his light. As I walked to the break room to change my scrubs I asked myself how long I will be able to handle this. How do you handle patients and families who treat you like this? My supervisor told me when patients or their family members get out of control to "kill them with kindness". I really try not to let things that people say/do get to me however I have always been that person who takes everything to heart. When I bust my butt all day long to help these people and nothing is ever good enough, it gets pretty discouraging.

Thanks :)

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Assuming it wasn't altered mental status, that urine tossing patient would have had their next conversation with the police at the hospital and would have received either a ticket or a summons, and management would have had my back too.

Short of that, the charge RN, the police, and sometimes even the MD are happy to join me in a group reading of the riot act (third strike) to patients who aren't receptive to the first discussion I call "the benefits of mutual respect" and second which I call "the easy way and the hard way to make sure you receive excellent care."

Your conversations sound interesting and they would probably be helpful to the newer nurses (and some of us crusty old bats). Care to give us details?

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

ITA with GrnTea. You gotta stand up for yourself. I used to work on a med/surg floor and we had a repeat customer who was just awful. He had about 20 pills scheduled for a.m. meds and if you were lucky you may have gotten to take 4 of those pills. The rest would end up thrown at you. What's worse is if you reported it to his doctor the doctor would say "you're the nurse, figure out how to get those pills into him". This man slapped 5 nurses on my floor. The one time he threatened to slap me I let him know that I would not tolerate being threatened. When he drew back his hand I told him that if he hit me I would immediately have the police called and I would press charges. Guess what? That man put down his hand and never threatened me again. He did, however, continue to throw his morning meds at me.

I figure that the meds are for his benefit, not mine. If he refuses to take them and has been educated on the consequences, document and forget it. That doctor needs some re-education, though.

[ShelbyaStar]

I think telling him to say please is excessively snarky. Yes he should have said it, yes he's a miserable human being... but you knew that and saying that was asking for trouble.

I don't think killing with kindness necessarily has to mean being excessively nice, though there is that- just turn the damn light off. What it really boils down to is not taking things personally. Feel sorry for these people. They are in acute care and the best coping mechanism they can think of is being a jerk. You aren't in acute care and you aren't a miserable and hateful piece of trash, therefore you're better off than they are. Keep that in mind and I think things will get a little easier.

You can't control other people but you can control how you handle them and your mindset.

I can't say I'm a nurse yet, only a student, but it seems that having worked in the restaurant business is good practice for this! You have to learn to be nice to nasty people in hopes of still salvaging a tip from them. No urinals though... at that point, I would be seeking repercussions. But I do think it could have been avoided. It can't always be, but in this case it could have. Turn the damn light off and go on living your life that's clearly better than his!

[Treeskier]

If patients start throwing crap its haldol time they usually wake up in a better mood

[gcupid]

Lol! And what's sad is that some responses imply that you were asking for a urinal full of pee to be thrown at you... Let's all blame the victim, lol!

It really depends on what type of mood I'm in that would determine my response. I may have just left the light on. You could always pee in a bedpan and bring it to the room and launch it at him from the door & then turn the light off... Or u could demand a change in patient assignment bc of the assault...

[Nurse_cox]

Welcome to the life of a nurse! This is why I no longer encourage anyone to go into healthcare. Look for a job in a procedural area like surgery, radiology, GI lab, or other outpatient areas. You don't have to deal with the patients or families for longer than a few hours. That's what I've been doing the last few years.

[HappyWife77, BSN, RN]

Lol! And what's sad is that some responses imply that you were asking for a urinal full of pee to be thrown at you... Let's all blame the victim, lol!

It really depends on what type of mood I'm in that would determine my response. I may have just left the light on. You could always pee in a bedpan and bring it to the room and launch it at him from the door & then turn the light off... Or u could demand a change in patient assignment bc of the assault...

Hilarious!!!!

[KelRN215, BSN, RN]

Thank you for all the responses. I didn't mention in the post that I did in fact go to my supervisor and she went to the CNO and they both proceeded to speak with the patient about his behavior. He was not AMS, just a jerk and was not my patient. I was instructed to not answer his call bell again and to ask someone else around if he were to call again. When my supervisor told me to "kill them with kindness" she actually wasn't talking about the urinal throwing patient but about a patient's family members who were yelling to me about a narc that could only be given Q4H that they were not understanding. I totally agree that I need "to grow a backbone". One of the nurses I work with who has many years experience told me to "grow a pair" (in a funny way) haha. I guess I am just used to people being respectful of one another as this is the environment that I am used to. I know I will never "change" anyone and hopefully I will be able to get used to the fact that their are just horribly miserable people in this world!

Maybe because you are from the South? I don't ever expect people to say "please" and "thank you". It doesn't bother me if my patients yell at me and I allow my 2 year olds to call me by my first name. The only patient's mother who has EVER called me Ma'am was from the South. That's just not how we function up here. As a pedi nurse, I'm usually happy if my kids don't try to kick me in the face.