I am an American.

[UnionRN2]

In the last staff meeting, NM states Dr. A has complained because the female nurses make eye contact with him. We were instructed to respect his (and other doctors) culture and NOT make eye contact or appear assertive. When asked to clarify assertive we were told assertive was "asking or suggesting something for the patients".

Excuse me! I am American and I am living in America! How come these doctors don't have to respect my culture? How come they don't have to respect me (I am a woman)?

Of course I will continue to make eye contact and I will continue to request things my patients need and I will continue to suggest things that the patient needs. I will continue to advocate for my patients. If the doc doesn't like it... tough crap. I live in America and have the rights afforded American women. I am not giving them up to stroke the ego of a bigot.

[lossforimagination]

I think they should sue this arrogant guy for sexual harrassment!

[a54flo]

I have two comments. First, I like the post requesting the NM to put this into a policy format; you know that will never happen. And second, when I am in any meeting where upper management is blathering on and on about some inane topic, I just think to myself: "3 u's" because there are 3 u's in shut the **** up! I have zero tolerance for much of the nonsense in nursing anymore. So, everybody, let's make "3 u's" our mantra!

[Wishinonastar, BSN]

It's not always that simple. Even for those who are determined to respect the "ways" of a "majority culture," it takes time to figure out what those "ways" are. It's possible that this doctor's behavior is the result of misconceptions, rather than any intent to force his native culture on American nurses.

He probably went to medical school here as so many do. Then they stay instead of returning to their own countries so they can make some $$$. Sorry, I don't buy it. I am so tired of the predjudice against women everywhere. I am also tired of docs with huge egos. We are all people for goodness sakes. Can't we treat each other with respect?

[netglow, ASN, RN]

I dare ya facility administration, I double-dog-dare ya!

Each and every one of the nurses in that meeting now has a nice little "Ace in the hole" or a "Free spin" to be used over, and over.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

very interesting. i always wondered about this too. eye contact is important to americans but offensive to other cultures. i agree. why should some people put their culture aside to respect other peoples culture. it is going to be very difficult for me to communicate with a person that does not accept eye contact. i can never carry a conversation without eye contact. i have talked to some arabic and chinese people about their culture related to eye contact; and they said it is okay to look at them in the eye, but just for a sec, they just don't like it when people stare at them while talking.

if i were in this guy's country and the culture there was that it was offensive to make eye contact, i'd avoid making eye contact as much as i could and apologize for my rudeness if i forgot and looked someone in the eyes. this guy, however, is in my country and rather than all of us adapting to his culture, he needs to adapt to ours.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

op, could you do this? could you look briefly at this doc when you're speaking to him, then carry on the rest of the conversation? also, could you speak to your nm about talking to legal about the ramifications of what this doc is asking the nurses to do? if you're not openly and actively communicating with a doc about his patient's condition, then you'll be just as liable if something goes wrong.

i do, however, want to stress that my discomfort with this situation is because of the potential ramifications for harm to the patient, not because he's in america and should do things "our way". the united states is a great melting pot, and it's important to have respect for all cultures. if this were a patient, would you be saying the same things? if you would, you might be setting your workplace up for a huge sensitivity retraining if the patient felt the need to complain.

while it is important for us to respect all cultures, we, too have a culture that needs to be respected. all too many people seem to forget that in their zeal to be politically correct. the nurses in an american hospital should not have to turn themselves inside out to respect physicians from other cultures. we have our own culture and they, having chosen to live on our soil and work in our environment, need to respect that. if it were a patient, one could presume that he also chose to be in the united states and that no one kidnapped him and drug him unwillingly across our borders. most of us believe we should cut a little more slack for a patient because they're sick, they're scared, they're vulnerable. but even then, there are limits. anyone who is in our country should expect to have to deal with our culture. we'll try to accomodate the patients as much as possible, but if someone inadvertently looks a male saudi in the eye and he finds it offensive, perhaps he should just try to cut us some slack being as how he's in our country and all.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

i totally understand. i agree with you. i just don't like the way ( the doctor) acted, they both work in the medical field and they both should find a way to respect each others culture. you can't make people respect your culture, you also have to respect theirs. i would be okay if this was a patient who complained about eye contact because it is all about what the patient wants and not what the doc/nurse wants.

eye contact is pretty ingrained in our culture. we're taught that it's rude not to look someone in the eye. so when we're trying to understand someone, be polite to them or convey sympathy, we tend to look at them, not away from them. a patient who complained about eye contact would be in the wrong as well. yes, it's about the patient, but eye contact is a normal and natural thing and it's understandable that an american would forget the other's culture from time to time and meet their eyes. even if i were bending over backwards to respect that kind of culture, i'd still slip now and again. a person -- patient or not -- who has chosen to be in our country ought to make allowances for our culture and that might mean forgiving inadvertent eye contact rather than complaining every time it happens.

[moma8gma1]

Very interesting. I always wondered about this too. Eye contact is important to Americans but offensive to other cultures. I agree. Why should some people put their culture aside to respect other peoples culture. It is going to be very difficult for me to communicate with a person that does not accept eye contact. I can never carry a conversation without eye contact. I have talked to some arabic and chinese people about their culture related to eye contact; and they said it is okay to look at them in the eye, but just for a sec, they just don't like it when people stare at them while talking.

Ever had a doctor who won't look you in the eye? I have -- they keep looking away as they explain things. I'd keep trying to catch their eye with questions, because I wanted to clearly understand his information and instructions on how to treat the problem that brought me there in the first place (usually something w/ one of my children.) That lack of eye contact really bugged me, though now I have a better understanding of why they were doing that. The impression it gives me is that they don't have very good people skills, a less-than-desirable bedside manner.

[moma8gma1]

The other answer I have is to buy the doctor a set of sunglasses. He can use it at work, have a special place for it just for him so he can leave it at work, and then when he sees his family and doesn't need to remind people that he "doesn't like eye to eye contact."

Or he can just go practice where the culture is more agreeable to him. In America, eye contact means you are being attentive and forthright. When you look away and avoid eye contact, it indicates deception and sometimes shame. He will NEVER be able to change everyone around him in America to behave the way he prefers, unless he moves someplace where avoiding eye contact is the norm. Probably wherever he learned this cultural norm is where he'll be most comfortable.

[royhanosn]

I agree! Foreign doctors come to our lands to proactise..whether USA or Canada!

If they cannot abide by our way of doing things, then go back home!

Your NM should tell him, thats the way its done here!

You know more about the patient than he/she does!

These boys are now American or CAnadian!

Sounds like either Indian or Muslim!

[heathIam, RN]

Cultural sensitivity gone amuck. I find it hard to understand how a manager would even suggest such a thing to the staff. I like the idea of asking for a behavioural policy for this. Dare them to make it policy. In my country (Canada) when we run up against this type of cultural difficulty it is the job of the chief of medicine to explain to the physician that this is an unacceptable behaviour in this country.

[moma8gma1]

And what happens when this doctor goes to the grocery store, the movies, a restaurant, etc... It is considered good customer service to look your customer in the eye, giving them your full attention. This doc must be in a constant state of being offended when he goes out!