I am an American.

Nurses Relations

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In the last staff meeting, NM states Dr. A has complained because the female nurses make eye contact with him. We were instructed to respect his (and other doctors) culture and NOT make eye contact or appear assertive. When asked to clarify assertive we were told assertive was "asking or suggesting something for the patients".

Excuse me! I am American and I am living in America! How come these doctors don't have to respect my culture? How come they don't have to respect me (I am a woman)?

Of course I will continue to make eye contact and I will continue to request things my patients need and I will continue to suggest things that the patient needs. I will continue to advocate for my patients. If the doc doesn't like it... tough crap. I live in America and have the rights afforded American women. I am not giving them up to stroke the ego of a bigot.

Specializes in Med-Surg.

You know, if you were in his country I could understand this, however, he is here! This really just rubbed me the wrong way. 1. That he's arrogant enough to want this followed and 2. Your NM didn't tell him to go pound salt. He should just thank his lucky stars that he doesn't work at my hospital because I'm pretty sure my NM would have made him cry. I would suggest that if he says anything again, to remind him that if he did his job right you wouldn't have to make suggestions or look at him ever again :rolleyes:

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

I like the idea of putting that in writing...and calling the Attorney General's office, and the labor department, and the local news and.....LOL!

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Specializes in ER, cardiac, addictions.
As a man, I've always wondered about the insecurities that would make a man "afraid" to look women in the eye when talking to them. I've worked in the past with men of a certain religion and it was the same thing--no eye contact with women. Dudes, man-up!! And women, celebrate the power you must have when men can't handle you looking them in the eye! :p

z----You're making assumptions about this man's behavior, based on American social customs. The problem is, he's NOT American, which means that he grew up with different ground rules. You're assuming that not looking someone in the eye is universally a sign of cowardice; but, in much of the world, it's simply a sign of respect.

Ditto for your assumption that not looking someone in the eye is cowardly. In fact, in some cultures, looking a stranger in the eye is regarded as unpleasantly intrusive. (Imagine a total stranger staring at your crotch, and you'll get the idea.) And, while it's important that someone clue this guy in that nurses who look him in the eye are NOT being insolent, it also makes sense to have some patience with him. One doesn't shake off one's native culture, and fully embrace a new one, overnight.

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Specializes in ER, cardiac, addictions.
Or he can just go practice where the culture is more agreeable to him. In America, eye contact means you are being attentive and forthright. When you look away and avoid eye contact, it indicates deception and sometimes shame. He will NEVER be able to change everyone around him in America to behave the way he prefers, unless he moves someplace where avoiding eye contact is the norm. Probably wherever he learned this cultural norm is where he'll be most comfortable.

There's one more alternative: acknowledging that it takes time, effort and insight to adjust to a different culture, and cutting the guy some slack while he's working on it.

We don't know that he expects everyone in the U.S. to do things his way; we know only that he's uncomfortable with what we regard as normal American behaviors. Once he fully understands that nurses mean no disrespect when they look him in the eye and make suggestions, it's very possible that he'll get used to our way of doing things.

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America is in trouble- every other country out there knows who they are and what they stand for. Cross thier borders you get shot-- you go visit- you best try to speak thier language.... However from Obama down- we have no idea who we are now--- we have become so watered down= the illegals are like crushed ice cooling off water. Now doctors that think we have to obey their customs? Somehow this must stop. Thsi country was founded on Christian Principles and we were all on teh same page... now we are of many books and getting very confused. Somehow a movement must come together and stop this.

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Specializes in Homecare-Pediatrics.

If the doctor doesn't like the way things are done here, go back to your own country and push women around, it's not gonna happen here, these doctors need to wake up and smell the coffee, they are not god and i refuse to treat them as if they are......:nurse:

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I'm not an American, I moved here (legally must i add) when I was a teenager, and forced myself to assimilate the culture, learn the language and function in society, and part of that was learning to look people in the eye and to be assertive. It was not easy, but that was/is the right thing to do, IMHO. Guess what, come to my country and we will u expect you to adapt to our environment. I don't get why here in the USA people are so subservient to immigrating cultures. But that's just my opinion... As an immigrant I felt to blessed to be here, I felt I should adapt and adapt fast.... But I guess I'm just different than others.

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Specializes in Psych.
America is in trouble- every other country out there knows who they are and what they stand for. Cross thier borders you get shot-- you go visit- you best try to speak thier language.... However from Obama down- we have no idea who we are now--- we have become so watered down= the illegals are like crushed ice cooling off water. Now doctors that think we have to obey their customs? Somehow this must stop. Thsi country was founded on Christian Principles and we were all on teh same page... now we are of many books and getting very confused. Somehow a movement must come together and stop this.

America IS in trouble. I've watched my condominium community transform over just several years from primarily owner-occupied to "hotel H1-B". Dozens and dozens of workers and their families coming here from abroad for roughly 2 years before their temporary visas expire and they have to leave. I don't begrudge the individuals, who are just trying to get on in the world as best they can like the rest of us...but I have a great deal of disdain for the government policies that enable this to continue while America deals with double-digit unemployment.

I feel like we're on the verge of...something...a defining year in American history like this country hasn't seen since 1968. There just seems to be too much collective unrest out there slowly simmering...

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Specializes in ER, cardiac, addictions.
America is in trouble- every other country out there knows who they are and what they stand for. Cross thier borders you get shot-- you go visit- you best try to speak thier language.... However from Obama down- we have no idea who we are now--- we have become so watered down= the illegals are like crushed ice cooling off water. Now doctors that think we have to obey their customs? Somehow this must stop. Thsi country was founded on Christian Principles and we were all on teh same page... now we are of many books and getting very confused. Somehow a movement must come together and stop this.

Speak for yourself, please. I know exactly who I am, and what the U.S. is. It's a nation that has traditionally welcomed diversity, and fought hard to overcome the ignorance and bigotry of our slaveholding and Indian extermination past.

If we're truly a strong people, then it's not going to destroy the fabric of our society if we're forced to associate with (gasp!) non-Christians, or people with different ways of speaking, and different ways of doing things. But it might require that we actually examine problems, and determine causes and contributing factors, before rushing to condemn those who aren't conforming to our expectations.

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Just my two cents. He needs to adapt, not you and I would certainly entertain the advise of legal counsel, regarding your sexual harassment cases. The issues are obviously sexually related creating a "hostile working environment."

Let them stuff that, in their water pipes. Wonder if you'll ever the good Doctor again....

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I must say that immediately after reading the OP and some subsequent posts I was annoyed about the situation and had a knee-jerk reaction thinking of how I'd feel if I were a nurse there. But Nocturne made some very excellent points that allowed me to think outside the box and understand where a Guy like this could be coming from. It isn't that east to adapt to cultural rules and mores when they are clearly at odds with what you've been taught from day one. Now, I don't claim to know how long he's been in the US but maybe a learning curve is in order.band also, maybe it is a good idea to have a peer of similar cultural background (or any other peer) to discuss things with him.

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Maybe it's not cultural. Maybe the doctor is a paranoid personality disorder type. In nay case it is a silly request and no way can it be enforced against nursing. We owe an obligation to get clear communication from M.D.'s and that usually includes face to face as much as some doctors seem to be annoyed by communicating with nurses.

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