I am an American. - page 2
In the last staff meeting, NM states Dr. A has complained because the female nurses make eye contact with him. We were instructed to respect his (and other doctors) culture and NOT make eye contact... Read More
Jul 25, '10I am "Arabic," I've never heard of this or had to deal with this no eye contact thing. I was born here, but lived in Lebanon for 5 years, never had to deal with that over there either. Maybe it is more of a personal thing. Either way, I would continue to give eye contact anyways. I wonder if he gives eye contact to his patients, how awkward.
Jul 25, '10What a bunch of bologna. The nurses would be laughing all the way to the floor pretending to listen/comply, had that been at my hospital. I too would wish mercy on that particular doc next time he rounded.
Lets be frank here, some nurses especially when jaded can be quite characters. Trust me, they would push him over the deep end in a sneaky way where he would be moving his hospital privileges elsewhere.
The afraid and opressed card would have been definitely pulled out, and used. All gone about the 'smart' way and very diligently. The group of girls I work with are angels indeed but don't rub the halo the wrong way or you will regret it. Try THAT for assertive.....tee hee!
Jul 25, '10Quote from chloecatrnI totally understand. I agree with you. I just don't like the way ( the doctor) acted, they both work in the medical field and they both should find a way to respect each others culture. You can't make people respect your culture, you also have to respect theirs. I would be okay if this was a patient who complained about eye contact because it is all about what the patient wants and not what the doc/nurse wants.OP, could you do this? Could you look briefly at this doc when you're speaking to him, then carry on the rest of the conversation? Also, could you speak to your NM about talking to legal about the ramifications of what this doc is asking the nurses to do? If you're not openly and actively communicating with a doc about his patient's condition, then you'll be just as liable if something goes wrong.
I do, however, want to stress that my discomfort with this situation is because of the potential ramifications for harm to the patient, not because he's in America and should do things "our way". The United States is a great melting pot, and it's important to have respect for all cultures. If this were a patient, would you be saying the same things? If you would, you might be setting your workplace up for a huge sensitivity retraining if the patient felt the need to complain.
Jul 25, '10Quote from arabianeyez83Arabic "muslims". Most of them do not approve eye contact. At least thats what I learned in school and by asking some of my friends.I am "Arabic," I've never heard of this or had to deal with this no eye contact thing. I was born here, but lived in Lebanon for 5 years, never had to deal with that over there either. Maybe it is more of a personal thing. Either way, I would continue to give eye contact anyways. I wonder if he gives eye contact to his patients, how awkward.
Jul 25, '10I would suggest he find another job that doesn't entail making eye contact or talking to nurses. Because his culture needs are interfering with patient care. Maybe in a lab somewhere doing research? He picked a field that violated his cultural beliefs, not the nurses problem. HE made a choice. A patient does not, so I would respect their beliefs as long as it didn't interfere with care.
Jul 25, '10I am Muslim. If a Muslim man wanted to avoid eye contact , it would be out of respect and in no way to make the woman feel oppressed. In this case, it sounds more like a cultural thing. Not all Muslims have the same culture.
Jul 25, '10If people would stop looking for things to get offended by, the world would be a MUCH easier and pleasanter place to live in.
Jul 25, '10Well, it seems that the facility is going out of their way to please and 'respect' only one side versus the many that would be affected.
I would have suggested that we do rounds, patient updates etc via email, text, FB, or over the phone to keep both parties happy and cultural needs met. I know......LOL
Jul 25, '10Quote from UnionRN2I am more offended by the actions of your nurse manager. Why didn't she stick up for her staff instead of acting as a mouthpiece for some arrogant physician?. I don't mind respecting others' cultures as long as it doesn't require me to act in a way that is not true to myself. In this case, Doc A needs to understand that the culture here is different and he is just going to have to get over it.In the last staff meeting, NM states Dr. A has complained because the female nurses make eye contact with him. We were instructed to respect his (and other doctors) culture and NOT make eye contact or appear assertive. When asked to clarify assertive we were told assertive was "asking or suggesting something for the patients".
Excuse me! I am American and I am living in America! How come these doctors don't have to respect my culture? How come they don't have to respect me (I am a woman)?
Of course I will continue to make eye contact and I will continue to request things my patients need and I will continue to suggest things that the patient needs. I will continue to advocate for my patients. If the doc doesn't like it... tough crap. I live in America and have the rights afforded American women. I am not giving them up to stroke the ego of a bigot.
Jul 25, '10It's sad when people govern by inappropriate rules. The NM has lost her effectivity by giving into this--or by presenting it to you all this way.
I think there are better ways to "respect" people's cultures--I mean I can stand in "his shoes" and at least attempt to see it.
But am I going to change my ways of doing this?
No. The culture I am in promotes direct, effective eye-to-eye communication. I deal with too many physicians on a daily basis to remember who I can talk to directly or not. So no matter what is said--not so sure I can comply.
What the doctor is doing is creating a "hostile environment." There is research to support this. Perhaps the NM and the doctor needs to see the implication of their "'rules" on patient care.
The other answer I have is to buy the doctor a set of sunglasses. He can use it at work, have a special place for it just for him so he can leave it at work, and then when he sees his family and doesn't need to remind people that he "doesn't like eye to eye contact."
It's much to easier to fix one person than 300 million direct eye-lookers.Last edit by PostOpPrincess on Jul 25, '10
Jul 25, '10Quote from eriksolnI hate this idea, it's passive-aggressive. Silence=acquiescence. The best thing to do is voice your disagreement with this request and do as you originally stated which is ask for policy. Make it clear that her edict is unacceptable. It would be nice if entire staff stuck together on this one but what usually happens is one person speaks out and the rest sit there quietly then ***** and complain when NM is out of earshot.I would have made eye contact with the NM and then requested "I a written policy signed by yourself and the doctor stating we are not to ask for anything for patients, then I will happily comply."
Or you could just do what most do and pretend to care, then go about it with business as usual.
Biggest part of nursing that a lot of people don't get is when to listen to management, and when to pretend you are listening.Last edit by tnbutterfly on Aug 5, '10 : Reason: Language