Families that talk about my coworkers

[SunshineAnytime]

How do you address patients and/or family members that have negative opinions about your coworkers? I work as a private duty nurse with an agency and of my patient's family member talks about a lot of the other nurses that take care of this patient. Anything from "she's always late" to "she's weird and I don't like her." If it's a practical issue, I try to help them solve it while remaining neutral about the other nurses. As far as the personal opinions (she's weird, their work ethic, etc) I usually just don't say anything and allow them to vent. There was one complaint that a nurse showed up and said she'd rather be at her flea market booth selling vintage items than with the patient. I just acted shocked and said "Nobody's forcing her to be here, she shouldn't have said that." I'm not sure if I should've stayed quiet though. What do you guys think? Do you tend to stay neutral or take a side, so to speak?

[psu_213, BSN, RN]

I vote for stay neutral.

If a pt/family says "Suzie is such a horrible nurse...she did XYZ and said ABC" then it might do a lot of harm to my relationship with a pt to day "well, I think Suzie is terrific and everyone else loves her." This could be interpreted by the pt as you calling the pt a liar. It can also make the pt less likely to confide in you about other, more important issues. On the other hand, I am never (NEVER) going to bad mouth another nurse to a pt--not matter what my personal opinion is of the other nurse.

[Munch]

The first thing I think about is..if they are talking about my co-workers...what are they saying about me when I'm not there? I usually don't say anything or just nod my head when shift is changing and I come on and the patient complains about the nurse that just left. I don't chime in with the patient and I don't tell the nurse that was being talked that a patient was talking about them either. No point in hurting someones feelings over words. I work in a hospital NOT a high school.

[caliotter3]

My home care clients always complain about the other nurses. I let it go in one ear and out the other with an occasional, "Uh, huh." When it gets to be really over the top I remind them that they should take their complaints to the agency.

[bagladyrn, RN]

It's called "staff splitting". It's often a way to manipulate you by setting you up as "the good nurse". They will then do the same thing with the next shift regarding you.

If your agency has an establish chain for dealing with complaints simply give them the contact information.

My usual reply is "Since I wasn't here I really can't address that. Please take any concerns you have to XYZ".

Be assured that any criticism you express or imply will be related back with "Nurse Soandso said"!

[SHGR, MSN, RN, CNS]

You weren't there, you didn't hear the conversation, and you don't know what was actually said; so why take a side? Some people like to stir the pot, and will exaggerate what was said, or how it was said.

If there is a problem to resolve, do it.

Otherwise, you can ask them if they feel it's something they'd like to discuss with your manager.

I've found sometimes that families completely seem to make things up- and even believe that they are true. "I'm sorry to hear that...I'm sorry that happened to you." And then find out the other side of the story is so completely different it may as well not even be about the same thing.

There are legitimate complaints but the ones I heard this week about other staff were way off base.

[richardgleaton]

Family always have some misconception regarding our coworkers..It's quiet normal,but once we clear it than they have positive results towards them..By seeing our wrong behavior they think that it is because of our colleagues,friends...

[NicuGal, MSN, RN]

Stay neutral...how do you know they don't talk about you too? We have a lot of families like this and we tell them that any complaints about our co-workers should go to the manager and then we walk away. Staying and listening to it, esp if it is petty things, just makes them do it more and feeds into it.

[pixie99]

Yep, patients who complain about the previous nurse will probably complain about you too. It's called 'manipulation." When patients start, I tell them that if I listen, it is merely gossip, but would they like to talk to the supervisor? Before they can answer I call the sup and ask him to come in and play hostess. Usually they forget their complaints when they find that they can't manipulate us.

[SunshineAnytime]

Flea market complaint could have been the patient, "How's your family?" and the nurse replying, "My mom's at the flea market today, such a nice day for it!" or any other of a million things. Or could be a complete fabrication.

This is the most common way patients manipulate us, by pitting us against each other. They tell us the previous nurse sucked, so that you'll feel the need to either "make it better" or prove how much better you are. Then I guarantee, they're doing the same thing after you leave, and saying that you suck.

Wow... I never thought about it that way but you're probably right. The family talks about some of the oncoming nurses right up until the literal point they walk through the door. And then they're totally nice to the nurse, like they haven't just said XYZ about her... It always made me wonder what the heck they're saying about me when I'm gone and if they were so offended why didn't they just call the agency. Will definitely try to stay more neutral from now on...

[SunshineAnytime]

Thanks everyone. These were great responses! I'll try to stay more neutral in the future and point em back to the agency if necessary...