Conflict with friend/coworker - page 3
I have a coworker whom I will call "Florence" (not her real name) and we have grown quite close to over a number of years working together. I like Flo a lot, and she is not just a coworker or a work... Read More
Jan 9Lot's of good advice here guys - thanks. I wish I could take the lot of you out for a cappuccino. You all have been very therapeutic, and I appreciate everyone taking the time to give your thoughts. It's not always easy to figure things out when you are in the middle of it, especially when emotions are running high. My mental heath thanks you all.
Jan 9I don't think that's cold and calculating. The balance sheet doesn't have to be equal but if you are always giving and never getting that's a sick relationship. I've learned to be professional and cordial with those I work with and understand that I have very few "friends" at work. I've been burned pretty good in the past by people who I thought of as friends. Like Poe said "nevermore".
Jan 10Your a giver, Flo a taker. She's toxic, may have some good qualities but right now things are difficult. I would let her make the first step and if it proceeds, you may need someone to sit down with the 2 of you to mediate. It would clear the air, and having someone else in there would protect you from the he said she said.
Jan 15It's uncanny how much "Flo" sounds like someone I work with too.
My "Flo" is a know-it-all, and someone who HAS to be right no matter what - always. If proven wrong she admits nothing, but if right ... well, you may never hear the end of it. And if she does you a favor she'll drag it out again and again so you have to thank her numerous times.
Her freely given opinion, but inability to take constructive critique in return, and the frequent crying are spot on too.
And any deviation of our colleagues - no matter how miniscule - is promptly reported to our boss. Nobody can even fart where I work without the boss hearing about it.
Holy smoke, just how many "Flo's" are out there anyway?
Jan 15I say cut your personal ties & just have professional ties from here on out. It seems it's just too emotionally draining for you.
Jan 15I think there are as many "Flo's" out there as we tolerate. Actually we don't just tolerate them we cultivate them. Hypercritical nurses are viewed as giving constructive criticism even when its nit-picky nonsense about nothing in particular. Drama queens (of both sexes) who show up at work in one of their pathetic fits / demands for attention are responded to with fawning attention. We all have to work with the crazy-butt "Flo" it's the price of doing business. We can't control how these people act but we can control how we react to them. We need to stop giving positive feedback and certainly keep them out of our life on a personal level.
Jan 15Preaching to the choir. I had a situation like yours.. We went totogether and after we graduated we became closer and eventually ended up working in the same unit together. It was nice to start at the same time, and go through those new grad situations and have someone that understood "that new girl feeling". But then it became a "did you hear what this nurse did" or just plain gossip that didn't matter. Our conversations strictly revolved around work and her gossiping about everyone, anyone, patients, families, doctors, support workers it didn't matter and I couldn't handle it anymore. She spent more time in the managers office complaining then actually spending and doing care with her patients. I simply asked her not to talk about work unless we were on the unit together because it would literally give me anxiety going into work hearing these stories or how "crappy of a night it was" when it reallt wasn't. I eventually stopped texting her all together, or kept text messages shorter and shorter which eventually lead to her gossiping about me. To say the least we no longer speak now, and she was a contributing factor as to why I left the unit almost a year ago.
TLDR... Big lesson: you find out who your friends are. Leave the BS at the unit doors, do your job, if you find your work wife awesome, but always be aware of what some are capable of.
Jan 15Not all relationships are meant to last forever and that includes friendships. This one has run its course. I hope you are able to distance yourself without a big blow up. Stop replying to text messages if she starts them again. Don't answer when she calls. Be busy...really really busy. Think of it like breaking up with a bad boyfriend who has violent tendencies. You have to be firm but not confrontational. And yes, this is going to turn around on you either way, any way you handle it. You may also want to research other places you might enjoy working at some point, in case it does.
I am so sorry this has happened. I hope you are strong enough to divorce her.