Accused of being racist - how to handle?

tgb3rn · May 26, 2007

You must henceforth refuse to care for this child. I mean it, friend. Don't walk, run from this insane man. He will doubtless sue at the drop of a hat and you have a perfect right to completely refuse to put yourself in harm's way.
Document all of your nursing care meticulously but I think I'd leave out the part about his ignorant and racist remark, as it is not really related to the child's care. Do an incident report, absolutely keep a copy. Get the family's address, full name, etc. so you have this info for future ref, which you will, hopefully, not need. Notify not just your boss but hers as well that this happened and that you will not be caring for this family again. Let them threaten you and cajole you all they want, do not knuckle under. This is extremely serious and you could well find yourself out of a job, out of a license, when this balloons. Hopefully, it will not balloon and this jerk will never even come to the hospital again. But while hoping for the best, you must prepare for a firestorm.
Can you imagine trying to teach the family anything? If anything goes the slightest bit wrong, they will say it's because you are anti-black. Do not allow your boss to put you into this situation again. I mean it.
These are perilous times and you must take every precaution. Did he threaten you with violence? People get nuts where their kids are involved. Unfortunately, with the allegation of racism made against a white person, the white must prove otherwise and that is often impossible to do. That won't stop your employer, though, from taking the patient's side, just to stop them from suing the hospital. Believe me, if it comes down to your word against his, you'll be the loser. That is the reality today.
I know there is a long history of oppression of blacks in our nation but now there is oppression of whites. It is just as wrong as the former condition ever was. If you're like me, your family was not even in America during slave years and Jim Crow years.
I doubt it but maybe someday race relations will actually normalize.

Just thought I would point out in your post where YOU were showing discrimination tward me, a MALE RN--- :trout: KIDDING IN EVERY WAY ON THIS!!!!!!!! Just trying to lighten up the thread some HAVE FUN

Tom

nursinghopefully · May 26, 2007

What a major terd this guy was!!!!!! maybe his poor daughter will get him back later with this............:barf01:

CHATSDALE · May 26, 2007

maybe he was upset and was trying to call relatives about the condition of his child

that doesn't give him the right to accuse you of something you are innocent of. but don't do the samething that you see him doing

Ms.RN · May 26, 2007

in caring for an african american child this morning, her father accused me of being both "racist" and "uppity." apparently, while i was tending to his child, he asked me repeatedly how to make a long-distance phone call with a calling card. i gave him the instructions as i know them, but apparently he was still unable to place this call. his child was de-satting at the time, and had blood coming from the incisions in her mouth and secretions pouring from her trach. his phone call was not at the top of my priority list.
so he asked me if "you have something against black people or something." i guess because i was tending to his child and not helping him place his important phone call, i'm now racist.
i'm having a hard time because a) i feel very insulted and b) i'm supposed to teach him how to care for his child so she can go home today. how receptive to me is he going to be if he thinks i'm racist? and i'm not sure about dealing with my own feelings after being accused of being racist.
i'm honestly not sure how he got that i'm racist just because i was occupied at the moment and couldn't help him place his phone call. in all honesty, i'm pretty pissed. any suggestions on how to handle this?

as a nurse, you are going to meet alot of obnoxious, rude patients and families. you just have to learn to ignore what they are saying.

LadyEJ BSN, RN · May 26, 2007

Both of these statements make it seem like it's a common and accepted pattern of behavior for minorities to claim racism, even if they don't truly believe racism is occurring, just to push buttons or incite anxiety. I find it digusting if that's true and if other people accept that behavior as okay or typical. Why should minorities get to engage in these types of behaviors just because their minorities?

This is the real world, and sometimes its disgusting. And believe it or not people do sick and nasty things. You pissed him off so he wanted to piss you off. Im not saying that it is appropriate or "okay" but IT HAPPENS. I'm terribly sorry that this happened to you, he was totally out of line for accusing you of being racist. I was hoping to help you understand that it was probably not personal and as "disgusting" as it may be some people pull the race card when it does not apply. Its almost as "disgusting" as actual racism. :uhoh3:

Soup Turtle · May 26, 2007

I've heard "you're racist" comments so many times that I just IGNORE them- completely. People are going to think what they want to think, but I won't allow myself to be drawn in to feeling defensive about a comment that doesn't describe me.

LadyEJ BSN, RN · May 26, 2007

as a nurse, you are going to meet alot of obnoxious, rude patients and families. you just have to learn to ignore what they are saying.

:yeahthat:

luv4nursing · May 26, 2007

Some of the comments in this thread make me a little sad...by all means I believe that the OP was in no way racist, but its sad that the majority of white people like to pull the wool over their eyes as if this type of thing rarely happens and anytime a black person says "the R word", they are pulling the race card. Whether you want to admit it or not, racism is still very much alive and it happens all day every day. If black people experience racism in their every day life, why do u think they would expect any different just because they are in a healthcare environment? Yes, the days of slavery and jim crow laws are over, but we are far from singing "we are the world".

I dont think its a concept most people who have never experienced it can understand. I even go through this (trying to make him understand) with my fiance, who is white. He has some nasty preconceived ideas that he learned growing up that Im not sure he will every fully get over. Sometimes I tell him, you dont think racism exists? Take a look around at the looks of disapproval we often get everywhere we go. Its not something we make up in our imaginations...if he thinks he gets treated differently just for being WITH me, imagine how I sometimes get treated for BEING ME. How would you feel if u never measured up no matter what you did? He has a sister who is probably a KKK member, who openly hates black people and disapproved of our relationship and is furious now that we are getting married (I guess she thought it was a phase/we were a fling). Who is she to judge me? She lives in public housing, has a drug habit, doesnt work, etc, etc....and Im someone doing something with my life with a good head on my shoulders....yet in her opinion Im the scum of the earth?

Ok, sorrrry, obviously I needed to vent a little! lol

on a humorous note, I was in psych clinicals a few days ago and one of the patients (a middle aged hispanic man) became irate in general during group therapy, and when my instructor started talking...he loudly demanded to know...(standing up and pointing to me) "WHY is SHE the ONLY BLACK student in the class!!!!??!?!???....*instructor tries to explain that there are other black students, just not in my group*....."NO, I want to know! WHY IS SHE THE ONLY BLACK ONE!!!?!?!?......I got a good laugh out of that one. Later in the afternoon, to joke with my instructor I went up to her and said "can I ask you a question?"....."WHY am I the ONLY BLACK STUDENT int he class????".....bwahahahaha:lol2:

Sorry I kinda got off topic....I dont think the OP is racist, my point is just that racism is a part of our lives, and its just very difficulty to understand it if it doesnt happen to you on a regular basis. And just like every white person isnt racist, every black person who calls someone racist isnt pulling the race card. Often (but NOT always), they have good reason for feeling that way.

Ms.RN · May 26, 2007

so many people are sue happy nowadays that they deliberately try to irritate nurses. one of my co-worker was sued because the family member didn't like what she said. just kill the family member with kindness.....

scholar · May 26, 2007

where's the documentation that state african american's are parnoid regarding the establishment of health care?

thank you! i thought i was the only one who caught on to that statement "...very paranoid"

Soup Turtle · May 26, 2007

I agree that racism exists, but I don't think people do themselves any favors when they jump to conclusions. I'm a hispanic girl with a hispanic name. I've got the grandma who speaks spanish and makes tamales with plenty of lard and her own pig! Anyway, I've found that most people see me as white, non-hispanic and are surprised to find out that I'm not.

And the point is...I've been accused of discrimination by hispanic people on MANY occasions when they didn't get their way. I've even had a few tell me they were going to sue me for being "racist". (Good luck with that!) It's seriously annoying. What I find even more sad is that these people teach their children to be paranoid about who they are.

scholar · May 26, 2007

Both of these statements make it seem like it's a common and accepted pattern of behavior for minorities to claim racism, even if they don't truly believe racism is occurring, just to push buttons or incite anxiety. I find it digusting if that's true and if other people accept that behavior as okay or typical. Why should minorities get to engage in these types of behaviors just because their minorities?

Please be careful of what you decide to share on this forum. As soon as I read the response, I figured someone would reply with one of these messages. I agree that it is unacceptable behavior to call someone a racist just to push buttons.

There are some minorities who probably do just call people racist to incite anxiety, but I have yet to encounter one. There are straight guys who are called fagots. There are virgins who were called sluts. There are people who are falsely accused all the time of being or doing something that they did not. There was a time when _______ could be falsely accused of something & be lynched. Why should majorities get to engage in this type of behaviors just because their majorities? My God, the nurse wasn't crucified and she's still allowed to practice.

PLEASE NOTE THAT MINORITIES DO NOT JUST THROW AROUND THIS WORD LIGHTLY JUST TO UPSET MAJORITIES.