Abusive relationships and nurses

leslie :-D · Jul 4, 2008

i think there are situations that are not abusive, and truly are a reflection of the yeller's behavior.

if you are not being personally attacked, i.e., "you are so incompetent", "you idiot", etc, then it's not technically 'abuse'.

it all depends on the situation.

many times i let it slide, because i honestly don't take it personally.

but-

i actually have no problem in extending my arm/hand and saying "enough"...

with a look that says i mean business.

it's all about perspective.

but if you feel you're being habitually disrespected by the same person, go at 'em.

no reason to take it.

leslie

Jules A, MSN · Jul 4, 2008

Wow I'm really sorry you are treated like this at work. There are definitely times when I feel like there isn't enough of me to go around but not in the way you describe. I know this disrespect isn't uncommon on some floors but imo it is not something that we have to put up with especially with the demand for nurses now.

I don't know if there is a connection between this and domestic violence but I surely hope not especially because as nurses we can support ourselves and could/should tell a partner that is less than respectful to get lost.

mpccrn, BSN, RN · Jul 4, 2008

there is a time and a place for patients,families and co-workers to vent. sometimes it's very public and you have to stand your ground and put an end to it in no uncertain terms. funny, when they come to their senses again, the apologies are very quiet.....why is that?? :confused:

Nacki, MSN, NP · Jul 4, 2008

I have to disagree, yelling and screaming at someone for no apparent reason is abuse. Have you ever heard of verbal abuse? Maybe I'm just overly sensitive. I don't like being disrespected by someone yelling at me, ignoring me, humiliating me, ect...this should not be tolerated from anybody. I have become more sensitive at the years have worn on.

Auntiegrade_Amnesia · Jul 4, 2008

I have worked with many nurses in the past who have come to work with black eyes, bruises, and a million excuses. I don't think nurses as a "species" are more accepting of abusive behavior, but we certainly encounter it often enough. Some days it feels as though it's coming from all sides, and it's difficult not to take it personally. However, there is a limit to all things. Being a scratching post is not in our job description, and personal dignity belongs to us all. Best wishes, Auntie

GrumpyRN63, ADN, RN · Jul 4, 2008

As a nurse in the hospital setting I encounter abuse on a constant basis from other nurses, doctors and family members to name a few. We as nurses are told "not to take it personally","that's just the way they are," ect.... just to justify the abuse. My question is do you think it is easier for a nurse to "fall" into an abusive relationship because we are treated this way in our careers?
I was just thinking about this because I was once in an abusive relationship early in my nursing career. Luckily I was able to get out of it. I was recently yelled at by the wife of my patient for no apparent reason in front of another nurse and two doctors and was told "not to take it personally." I've also had two hostile run-ins with nurses in the past month. This type of treatment is getting to me. I can't stand not being respected and humiliated in front of my peers What do you guys think of this correlation?

I think there are two separate issues here. I think nurses are the type who like to try and fix things and help people and THAT may get us involved in an abusive relationship. I see this with nurses who get involved with the bad boys, addicted etc. That innate desire to fix spills over into their personal life. I also think nurses are abused many times by patients and families and we are suppose to suck it up.

I also think a lot of nurses grew up in dysfunctional families and became caretakers and that directs them to nursing. I don't think abuse on the job persay directly correlates with tolerating abuse in our personal relationships.

I think nursing has lost a lot of their support over the last several years with this whole spin on customer satisfaction which has added to the lack of respect for us. Years ago, poor treatment of the nursing staff was not tolerated, management would back us up to the nth, today we have to take it all in the name of customer service and the patient ends up with the fruit basket or validated parking (can you see now where my user ID came from??) :stone

Nacki, MSN, NP · Jul 4, 2008

GrumpyRN63,

I never thought to look back at my childhood...my family was not dysfunctional per say, I was the caretaker though since I was the oldest. I got into an abusive relationship soon as I left home at 18 and stayed for too long. As I said in my original post, I encouter it at work and am sooo tired of it and very sensitive (althought I may not show it at work) It kinda reminds me of the time I was with my ex. I don't know why people think its "ok" to treat nurses like a piece of crap.

txredheadnurse, BSN, RN · Jul 4, 2008

That's a pet peeve of mine; i.e. someone saying don't take it personally. When it is directed at me, about me it is personal dang it!!

I can understand frustration and venting but I will not accept abuse from anyone. It took me a long time to learn to love and value myself for the good person I am and no one is allowed to spew their (emotional) bile on me anymore. Thank the powers I am not in an area of nursing that gives much heed to "customer service scores".

aloevera · Jul 4, 2008

Yes, I do think there is a correlation between nurses and being involved in abusive relationships....I have seen it quite often through the years and was a part of two myself...

we do tend to be the caretakers, wherever we are...we do try to "fix things" and I feel as tho I am the mediator in social and personal relationships...I have learned to "let things roll off" and NOT to take things personally at work, unless it is directed to me verbally in a personal way...

Maybe I do take more xxxx than I should, but that is how I survive, I ignore, and consider the source and don't worry about it....

But, in answer to OP question, I would have to say definately, yes...

Jules A, MSN · Jul 4, 2008

I have to disagree, yelling and screaming at someone for no apparent reason is abuse. Have you ever heard of verbal abuse? Maybe I'm just overly sensitive. I don't like being disrespected by someone yelling at me, ignoring me, humiliating me, ect...this should not be tolerated from anybody. I have become more sensitive at the years have worn on.

I totally agree with you but have to ask why would you stay in a situation like this? Something to think about I guess.

Good luck.

Vito Andolini · Jul 4, 2008

Try to look at why they are yelling. Did you do something worthy of castigation? Even if you did, do not allow people to yell at you, including patients' families. Just say, "I know you're upset but you may not yell at me. We can talk this over in a calm and courteous way but you may not raise your voice to me or be rude or disrespectful. Come talk to me when you are feeling more in control." Then walk away for a while until they calm down.

They would likely not yell at a doctor, why should they yell at you? Say so to them. If they persist in rudeness, change assignments.

Nurses do seem to have a lot of bad relationships, to address your original question.