"stop isolating yourself"

[strawberryfields]

So I'm new at my job so I'm pretty timid cause I'm not used working with a bunch of people (used to work 1:30 in a SNF by myself on the floor)... I have conversations with people and I'm extremely helpful when someone needs it but like instead of sitting at the nurses station I sit in the hallway to finish my charting so I can focus( it's new to me and there's a lot of charting so I don't have time to chat like the rest of them do) plus if I have a needy patient I sit near their room so it's easier.

Today, I was sitting in the hallway doing these education classes I have to take as part of my orientation ... Some were due today so I was doing them ... Bunch of quizzes and you have to pass them all so I wanted to focus.

One of the nurses comes up to me and says "word of advice don't isolate yourself... Engage."

And I said "why did someone say something about my being in the hallway charting?" and she goes "no... These people are different not like other nurses at other hospitals ..". And she left it at that.

It really urked me cause I was just minding my business and charting not thinking it would be anyone's concern that I was doing my job. Being new to the unit and a hospital was stressful enough that I am trying to be perfect at my job because I love it! I help everyone ... Talk to other people when appropriate (everyone has worked there 2+ years and are really close) so I'm trying to fit in but not be overbearing. Now I have to worry about people thinking I'm isolating myself. It's exhausting.

i took her "advice" as rude because I didn't ask for it. How would you respond to it? Thoughts?

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

In my head, after I read a story by you, I secretly end it with, "then I popped a cap in his ass," and imagine you standing in glorious rock star 80s poses with smoke/steam billowing behind you as car headlights beam through it toward you. Then in totally awesome slow-mo, you light a cigarette with one of those flip lighters. You drop the lighter with some badassery, and a trail of gasoline suddently ignites. You walk forward (as badasses do), staring into the distance. And as we see you in focus, walking toward the horizon, a random (but somehow important) building blows up behind the smoke of awesome.

eta - OP, if you need to chart in quiet then chart in quiet. I know I prefer it. And some nights you really do need to sit near a patient's room. Maybe toward the end of a shift when you're caught up, you can go see what everyone is up to.

Have you thought about hanging up this nursing thing.. and writing romance novels?

I didn't blow anything up.. but I did send a scathing retaliatory letter to little missy that canned me, HER manager, and HR. That facility closed a couple of years later. Karma ..she is a friend of mine.

[Cheyenne RN,BSHS]

I wrote about this issue a while back:

https://allnurses.com/nurse-colleague-patient/social-skills-in-965459.html

Human nature is rather bizarre because workplace relations are never really about the work that is being done. For instance, do you know a nurse who is loved by coworkers, patients, families and management even though her work is sloppy?

When we flip the coin, do you know a brilliant nurse with superb procedural and assessment skills who struggles at work due to an inability to connect on an interpersonal level with colleagues, patients, families and management?

It all points back to the concept of acknowledgment. Many of our coworkers size us up based on how good we make them feel, not by our good work performance. This may not be fair, but numerous things in life are unfair. Thus, nurses who validate the existence of their coworkers will always be favored over those who self-isolate, focus solely on work, and fail to form cordial workplace relations.

Some would say, "I am there to work, not to make friends." Do not get me wrong. You do not need to be personal friends with your coworkers. However, acknowledging them, validating their existence, and being the type of workmate that people like will go a long way. In other words, play the game.

Awesome article and oh how I wish someone had taught me this when I was young! I have always been socially awkward and reticent. I was diagnosed with organic brain syndrome when I was in preschool, now the doctor's would say I have Asperger's syndrome.

I am totally uncomfortable around people or out in stores or crowds. One-on-one I can carry on a fairly decent conversation but I don't do well with more than two people at a time. I avoid crowds and any size group. I feel like I have nothing worthwhile to contribute to a conversation. I am not rude. I see the purpose of conversation as a way to exchange information at work. I can't really just chit-chat so I will just slip off and go get busy. I don't attend showers, socials, dinners, etc. I don't go to movie theaters, weddings, or retirement parties at work. I get so physically and emotionally uncomfortable and it is worse than having a panic attack.

I do care about people and listen carefully if I hear they have any sort of problem if I can do anything to help. I would go without to make sure someone else has something they need. I would give the shirt off my back as the saying goes, and have given away my last dollar when someone was in a real jam. I am the kind who would not attend the funeral but I would go to their house and clean it for them to have guests over and then leave. I would do the yard work for someone sick in the hospital.

I just never could understand what people find to talk about when chatting at the nurse's station. If I hear a group talking and laughing I can't imagine what would be that funny. (Needless to say I am not a fan of comedies or sit-coms)

I am completely baffled at how people can get on the phone and talk for hours on end. I tell people if they ask me to attend something that I am not a social butterfly and just not good in a group setting.

I realize now that I don't play the game as someone else said, because I can't figure out any of the rules of the game in the first place or even why there should be a game.

I am in my sixties and this article has helped me understand so much. I can't do a Mulligan (do-over) on my life but I think I can see how out-of-step I have been without meaning to. Thank you Commuter, and I mean that.

[CalArmy]

Nursing is a team sport. You need your team to do a good job. At any given time things can change and you will need back up. She was doing you a favor and you should listen to it.

[ixchel]

Have you thought about hanging up this nursing thing.. and writing romance novels?

Nahhhhh I'm just a jukebox hero with the eye stars and everything. Although.... I imagine Romance for Sundowners could be a most awesome genre.

[BeenThere2012, ASN, RN]

Nursing is a team sport. You need your team to do a good job. At any given time things can change and you will need back up. She was doing you a favor and you should listen to it.

Op never said she wouldn't be a part of the team and that she is available and willing to help. Her issue is that she felt she needed to concentrate and the "social talk" at the nursing station was distracting as she is new to this unit and has to learn and get quicker at her charting. There is room for all personalities here. Everyone does not have to be super social as long as she does her job and is supportive when needed. That's all. That's it. Don't judge.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Op never said she wouldn't be a part of the team and that she is available and willing to help. Her issue is that she felt she needed to concentrate and the "social talk" at the nursing station was distracting as she is new to this unit and has to learn and get quicker at her charting. There is room for all personalities here. Everyone does not have to be super social as long as she does her job and is supportive when needed. That's all. That's it. Don't judge.

I don't think it's necessarily judging to point out that isolating yourself from the rest of the team can be viewed by the team as not wanting to be part of the team. Everyone does not have to be supersocial, but when you're new, it helps to be perceived as willing to be a member of the team.

[BeenThere2012, ASN, RN]

I don't think it's necessarily judging to point out that isolating yourself from the rest of the team can be viewed by the team as not wanting to be part of the team. Everyone does not have to be supersocial, but when you're new, it helps to be perceived as willing to be a member of the team.

I do agree. I thought OP stated she did want to be a part of the team and was having a hard time concentrating etc..I did give her advice on this. This post I responded to sounded a bit critical to me...that's all. Maybe Im missing his/her intent here?

[strawberryfields]

Hate to bring up a dead topic but I wanted to say I heard everyone out! This girl that approached me quit because she felt unwelcome, which is probably why she decided to help me out... she felt as though she would want the same said to her if she was in my situation.

It's been almost 2 years and I still work there, I started sitting at the station and became Very close with everyone!! Also, when we get new people certain people DEFINETLY gossip about their work ethic, personality, etc. so it is a tough group. Staff do not leave the floor I work on, they are there for years; and they are very opinionated. With that said, I never engage in such gossip I always try to be the word of reason at the nurses station and I have to say we have a great team and my coworkers (who are still the same back in aug 2016) are the absolute best!

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Hate to bring up a dead topic but I wanted to say I heard everyone out! This girl that approached me quit because she felt unwelcome, which is probably why she decided to help me out... she felt as though she would want the same said to her if she was in my situation.

It's been almost 2 years and I still work there, I started sitting at the station and became Very close with everyone!! Also, when we get new people certain people DEFINETLY gossip about their work ethic, personality, etc. so it is a tough group. Staff do not leave the floor I work on, they are there for years; and they are very opinionated. With that said, I never engage in such gossip I always try to be the word of reason at the nurses station and I have to say we have a great team and my coworkers (who are still the same back in aug 2016) are the absolute best!

I'm glad you took our advice and got to know your colleagues. YAY! Teamwork is awesome.