How do You deal with Man-Hating Female Nurses? - page 4

I've been working in our ER for nearly a year, and in lieu of recent events, was prompted to open this thread. I am the only male nurse in, not just the ER but in the entire hospital. The nurses I... Read More

  1. by   bonnieL123
    Quote from PrisonrNurs
    I've been working in our ER for nearly a year, and in lieu of recent events, was prompted to open this thread. I am the only male nurse in, not just the ER but in the entire hospital. The nurses I work with are very good at what they do, save for one fault. THEY HATE MALES! Despite their "friendly" and helpful demeanor there has always been some underlying hostility towards me. Not only that, I tend to overhear comments like "They only hired him because he's a male nurse." and "Guess who's YOUR partner today?" Even though this is a male nursing forum, Marci, I hope you are reading this.

    One of the nurses I used to work with (who I miss dearly) suggested I try to "kill them with kindness." It didn't work. I brought homemade cheesecake. They ate it like hyenas at a slaughter, but not a single thank you from any of them.

    OK here's my question: How do I attempt to solve this problem, without quitting my job (which I do love) without having to resort to murder? Has anyone run across this problem? How did you deal with it?

    I am sorry you have been treated like that. But you have joined a great profession, and I think it is great that we have males in this field. I have 4 boys and 6 brothers. One of my sons is an RN, he runs into the same thing. But he entered this field to help people. And it does not matter what other people think of you as long as you are happy in what you do and that is caring for the sick. What you need to do is get a copy of the code of ethics for nurses, and your hospital policy on employee conduct, and post them in the break room (in large print). And I know if that does not work you might want to got to personnel. Because this is totally uncalled for.
    Good Luck, and do not give up. There is alot of us that are gateful that males have decieded to become a nurse.
    Sorry for the spelling, very tired.
  2. by   needatag
    Wow, the nurses I work with [male and female] are nice. But when I get home boy is there a man bashing female waiting .................... Just kidding I love ya Barb
  3. by   CrunchRN
    I just cannot believe this has been a problem. All the male nurses I have worked with in the past have been awesome, and i really enjoyed working with them. Kinda breaks up the estrogen if you know what I mean :chuckle. Hope I don't get in trouble for saying that!
  4. by   nursemike
    Quote from CrunchRN
    I just cannot believe this has been a problem. All the male nurses I have worked with in the past have been awesome, and i really enjoyed working with them. Kinda breaks up the estrogen if you know what I mean :chuckle. Hope I don't get in trouble for saying that!
    I haven't encountered this, either. The nurses I work with generally get along pretty well. My instructors and the nurses I've done clinicals with have been very encouraging. But I have to accept the OP and Jay at their word, so I'm trying to figure out what the difference is. I mean, it's clear that not all female nurses hate male nurses. I have observed instances where new nurses had a hard time fitting in...I'm sure the new nurse felt she was being eaten...but even that has been the exception, rather than the rule. About the worst I've seen on my unit has been a certain amount of skepticism and maybe a little head-shaking over dubious decisions, and, really, the unlicensed people have been more openly critical than other nurses have.
    So, it's hard for me to accept that the whole profession is a mess, when most of what I've seen has been pretty good. There are a couple of units at my hospital where I wouldn't want to be a new nurse, and maybe one where I'd hesitate to work at all. I suspect there are dysfunctional microclimates in every institution.
    Anyway, the original question was how to deal with those who are man-haters, and I still think being the best nurse you can be is the best solution. Of course, since I don't believe this is the case, everywhere, moving on has a lot to be said for it, too. And with all due respect to my colleagues, if I found myself in such a situation, I would want to do some serious soul searching, too. Is the problem as bad as I think it is? Have I in some way contributed to it, or possibly just been too sensitive to it?

    There's a stereotype that guys aren't as perceptive about subtle nuances in a relationship. It isn't true, but it can work for you. Sometimes if you just act oblivious to hidden agendas, it seems to force people to bring them out in the open or abandon them. Of course, if you're met with open hostility, you have a choice whether to fight back or get out of Dodge, but at least there are legal recourses to fight open hostility, if it comes to that.

    But, again, it just isn't like that, everywhere.
  5. by   Jay Levan
    Quote from kurosawa
    I'm just quoting that line so I can step back and admire it without distraction.
    :chuckle Thanx, I think?
  6. by   Jay Levan
    Quote from mattsmom81
    Absolutely right, females have no right to express an opinion here. So sorry. Carry on with the self rightous indignation that female hatred for men must cause their problems in the field; please enjoy enjoy your misery. Who am I to distract from that. LOL.
    Once again, I'm sorry, but I don't believe I understand. Did I, anywhere in my reply to you, state that my distaff members should not have an opinion??? I do not believe I did. However as you may well see more than one female decided to jump on my back, seeing the juicy opportunity My question, to those of you that admit being aware of the obvious problem, where the heck are you ladies when your male staff member(s) need you to watch their backs for them?? :uhoh21:
  7. by   SmilingBluEyes
    we are here defending men's rights to practice nursing harassment free. Or did you not bother to notice it, Jay? No not likely. You are way too busy slamming us here.
  8. by   talaxandra
    Quote from Jay Levan
    My question, to those of you that admit being aware of the obvious problem, where the heck are you ladies when your male staff member(s) need you to watch their backs for them?? :uhoh21:
    I'm aware that there are clearly issues for some men in nursing but, as I haven't ever seen it myself, I'm where always am, working alongside my colleagues.
    I have to admit that, until this forum brough the issue to my attention, I was unaware that so many men had experiences like this. I also wondered if it was just that, as a member of the majority, I didn't see it. But in the last couple of weeks I've been asking my male cohorts and they all say they haven't experienced any particular problems. I guess it's a lot to do with where you work
  9. by   RN34TX
    Quote from talaxandra
    I'm aware that there are clearly issues for some men in nursing but, as I haven't ever seen it myself, I'm where always am, working alongside my colleagues.
    I have to admit that, until this forum brough the issue to my attention, I was unaware that so many men had experiences like this. I also wondered if it was just that, as a member of the majority, I didn't see it. But in the last couple of weeks I've been asking my male cohorts and they all say they haven't experienced any particular problems. I guess it's a lot to do with where you work
    I think it definitely has a lot to do with where you work. If I went by my last 2 employers alone, I would have to say that I've never experienced it or witnessed it at either hospital.
    But prior to that, it definitely went on. It ran the full spectrum between getting the heaviest and most combative patient assignment every day to the female co-worker who just broke up with her boyfriend and has come to work and now decided that all men are evil and is not only going to sit at the nurse's station talking about her dramatic break up all night long, but will glare at me and make snippy comments about men that probably would be reportable as discriminatory had they come out of my mouth referring to women instead.
    Alongside her is the woman who keeps asking me out and several polite no-thank-you's later she and her friends decide that I think I'm too good to be dating the other staff and I'm stuck up so I guess I'm getting the bad assignment and no help tonight either. (Very high school I know, these are 20-30 something women here.)
    But try reporting this stuff to an all female nursing hierarchy/management.
    They'll look at you like you're crazy and that it certainly does not go on at their hospital and that their nurses have been with them for years and no one has ever complained before so it must be me.
    Yeah, maybe minus the other men you hired that just quit without saying anything or they stay but don't want to rock the boat.
    And judging by some, not all, but some of the comments I've read on this board, I'd say I was right on the money with my own decision to leave such hostile work settings instead of trying to fight it, which is what I advised the OP to do if things just got too rough.
    It's just too hard to try to fight a hostile female staff with an all female management that insists that the behavior does not exist or makes excuses for their buddies that maybe I took their comments too personally.
  10. by   Silverhawk
    Quote from Angie O'Plasty, RN


    Amusing, but very untrue. Apparently Freud was having a very ordinary sexual fantasy of his own when he dreamed up this dx.

    So please don't base your behavior to the women on that. I can assure you, it'd go even worse than "killing them with kindness" did.

    I'm of the opinion that you should just go about your day as best you can and back off completely. Let them come to you. Because underlying all this hostility that women have toward men is..... drumroll......ta-da!..... fear.

    So here are the rules I suggest:

    Stand your ground. Act normal. Do your job. Offer to help. Don't hit on anyone. Don't let anyone hit on you. Take your lunch. Don't do overtime (unless they beg and offer extra money and you really feel like it).

    Every day will build on the respect that you engender by being a really good nurse. It's hard at first when you're not really feeling like a part of the team, but that will happen. It just takes a little more time for guys. But it happens to women too, I assure you.

    Best wishes!
    Your advice was quite good! There really is alot of male bashing in the nursing workplace. That being said, your insight, and advice is well received. Tell us some more.
  11. by   Jay Levan
    Quote from SmilingBluEyes
    we are here defending men's rights to practice nursing harassment free. Or did you not bother to notice it, Jay? No not likely. You are way too busy slamming us here.
    If the shoe fits wear it/ if you are not part of the problem, then be a part of the solution.
    Just two of the thoughts that come to mind. That is why I asked the question, "Where in the heck are you when these acts of discrimination occur? If by telling the truth is considered by you as Slamming then I suppose I should keep my mouth shut, and my thoughts on this particular subject to myself
  12. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Quote from Jay Levan
    Just two of the thoughts that come to mind. That is why I asked the question, "Where in the heck are you when these acts of discrimination occur? If by telling the truth is considered by you as Slamming then I suppose I should keep my mouth shut, and my thoughts on this particular subject to myself
    I suppose you could find a less offensive way of expressing them, and maybe THINK before you post them? It was offensive, frankly. And not true, to boot.
  13. by   teeituptom
    Quote from PrisonrNurs
    I've been working in our ER for nearly a year, and in lieu of recent events, was prompted to open this thread. I am the only male nurse in, not just the ER but in the entire hospital. The nurses I work with are very good at what they do, save for one fault. THEY HATE MALES! Despite their "friendly" and helpful demeanor there has always been some underlying hostility towards me. Not only that, I tend to overhear comments like "They only hired him because he's a male nurse." and "Guess who's YOUR partner today?" Even though this is a male nursing forum, Marci, I hope you are reading this.

    One of the nurses I used to work with (who I miss dearly) suggested I try to "kill them with kindness." It didn't work. I brought homemade cheesecake. They ate it like hyenas at a slaughter, but not a single thank you from any of them.

    OK here's my question: How do I attempt to solve this problem, without quitting my job (which I do love) without having to resort to murder? Has anyone run across this problem? How did you deal with it?
    Dont waste time worrying about it, I dont think one bit about what people think of me, I know I am good at what I do.

    Outside of that I golf and I exercise and I golf, and usually then I will play more golf,

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