How do You deal with Man-Hating Female Nurses?

Boston1 · Mar 20, 2005

I'm in a similar environment. I've tried talking one on one with some of the most offensive ones; and they shut down and don't want to address what's obvious even to the nurse manager (a female). The nurse manager has acknowledged there's a problem (with the way these staffers treat males). These same females who wouldn't talk directly got upset - and even more rude - when I vented with the nurse manager. The women I've met who fall into the category you're describing absolutely positively DO NOT see a sarcastic comment like "Men, what do you expect?" as harrassment. If they're confronted, you know the response..."Don't be so sensitive". It's a disgusting and real problem. You're right, being nice doesn't work. The best male nurses I've met have all confronted what you've described, and they're best advice has consistently been, don't participate in the gossip, don't feel a need to become a woman. Keep it professional. I know that can be hard, because you can feel isolated, but that's consistently been the advice. Let me know if you find a good solution. Ironically, every woman I've spoken with has confided they'd much rather work with men than women, "because women can be so catty".

I've been working in our ER for nearly a year, and in lieu of recent events, was prompted to open this thread. I am the only male nurse in, not just the ER but in the entire hospital. The nurses I work with are very good at what they do, save for one fault. THEY HATE MALES! Despite their "friendly" and helpful demeanor there has always been some underlying hostility towards me. Not only that, I tend to overhear comments like "They only hired him because he's a male nurse." and "Guess who's YOUR partner today?" Even though this is a male nursing forum, Marci, I hope you are reading this.
One of the nurses I used to work with (who I miss dearly) suggested I try to "kill them with kindness." It didn't work. I brought homemade cheesecake. They ate it like hyenas at a slaughter, but not a single thank you from any of them.
OK here's my question: How do I attempt to solve this problem, without quitting my job (which I do love) without having to resort to murder? Has anyone run across this problem? How did you deal with it?

zenman · Mar 20, 2005

Angie - great post.
Really - I think God has a great sense of humor, otherwise why make such a funny looking appendage? :) The only thing that is cool is the way you guys can pee anywhere.
steph

You haven't seen mine, have you, ha, ha! :roll

Women can also pee standing up. Geez, it takes a guy to tell yall that? Do I need to start inservice education classes?

Some women are just mad at guys cause we have 2 brains.

FrumDoula · Mar 20, 2005

Let's flip this around for a second. If this nurse was the sole black nurse on an all white nursing floor and had derogatory remarks thrown his way, would ANY of us be saying to him, "Cheer up and just do your best work and kill 'em with kindness." :eek: No!! We would say what is fact:

That the behavior displayed by those nurses, if being reported accurately, is pure discrimination and blatantly illegal.

I would, for your own legal protection, note who is making what comments and when, perhaps in a folder you keep at home, so that if you should ever need to go to the HR department or a lawyer, you will have a historical account of what's going on.

By the way, you could be the male version of Florence Nightengale, and those women wouldnt give a hoot. It has nothing to do with performance and everything to do with your sex. There may be some quiet allies in your department, by the way. Hopefully they'll seek you out and give you some support if you don't decide to bail on that dump of an ER.

And that's an opinion from a feminist, former women's studies minor, honey. :)

Good luck to you. No wonder more men don't want to head into nursing.

Alison

Rock, LPN, RN · Mar 20, 2005

Let's flip this around for a second. If this nurse was the sole black nurse on an all white nursing floor and had derogatory remarks thrown his way, would ANY of us be saying to him, "Cheer up and just do your best work and kill 'em with kindness." No!! We would say what is fact:
That the behavior displayed by those nurses, if being reported accurately, is pure discrimination and blatantly illegal.
I would, for your own legal protection, note who is making what comments and when, perhaps in a folder you keep at home, so that if you should ever need to go to the HR department or a lawyer, you will have a historical account of what's going on.
By the way, you could be the male version of Florence Nightengale, and those women wouldnt give a hoot. It has nothing to do with performance and everything to do with your sex. There may be some quiet allies in your department, by the way. Hopefully they'll seek you out and give you some support if you don't decide to bail on that dump of an ER.
And that's an opinion from a feminist, former women's studies minor, honey. :)
Good luck to you. No wonder more men don't want to head into nursing.
Alison

EXCELLENT ADVICE !!!

renerian, BSN, RN · Mar 20, 2005

I feel badly for you..............I would not have the patience for that. I am sorry your living it.

renerian

Jay Levan · Mar 21, 2005

Sad but true, I have been dealing with this problem for thirty two years, fortunately for me, I was trained very well and learned very early to pick my battles and stand my ground when necessary. But the cost has been tremendous. I haven't seen in this thread, the obvious yet covert truth of the matter. What I mean is that, a male may win a battle or two or twenty, but eventually if one female begins the discriminatory behavior against any male, sooner or later she will "enlist" as many cohorts as she feels necessary, to win the "WAR" and be rid of the pesky male. I have both witnessed this behavior and been a victim of it many times. There were several times that I considered legal action against individuals that were particularly venemous. I am sure that I could have won cases of slander and liable aganst those individuals. Consider this, I have been an R.N. for thirty two years, I have never once been repremanded by any state licensing board, have never been accused of any malpractice issues, or any other issues concerning patient care, and yet as I approach retirement, I am still BLS, ACLS, and PALS, certified, yet having trouble finding work in E.R. There are those who will say that, "He is not the nurse he used to be." or "He must have burnt too many bridges." or "He must have peed off the wrong person." To those I say, you are wrong, standing up for one's self is not the answer, because when you do, you make your enemies more determined, this is where the "enlisting" of help to scuttle your ship begins. Giving exceptional nursing care is not the answer, it is a threat to those who would sit on their duffs and gab about anything but patient care. To those who might say he's not the nurse he was once, I say, "then why am I still able to do evrything an E.R. nurse does?? :angryfire The answer to discrimination of anykind is to confront it and erradicate it. Unfortunately there are to few males in the nursing profession to accomplish this. Females know this and I suspect, that this (Keeping males on the defensive) contributes greatly to the reason there is so much widespread discrimination against males in our profession, and that my fellow professionals S--ks!

allnurses Guide · Mar 21, 2005

You haven't seen mine, have you, ha, ha! :roll
Women can also pee standing up. Geez, it takes a guy to tell yall that? Do I need to start inservice education classes?
Some women are just mad at guys cause we have 2 brains.

Yes, you are right - I haven't seen yours so I'll have to take that back. :rotfl:

And as kids, my sister and I did try to stand up in front of the toilet and pee like a boy . . . .but it mostly went down our legs. Yes, we can pee standing up but we are crouching down low over something. Like in a public toilet . . . must I do an inservice on "hovering"?

Funny stuff, as my 22 year old says.

steph

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Mar 21, 2005

I have been an R.N. for thirty two years, I have never once been repremanded by any state licensing board, have never been accused of any malpractice issues, or any other issues concerning patient care, and yet as I approach retirement, I am still BLS, ACLS, and PALS, certified, yet having trouble finding work in E.R.

Jay, come on down here to Florida! Believe me, you'll find work--and next to the majority of patients, you'll be considered a youngster!

FuturenurseCA&O · Mar 21, 2005

Let's flip this around for a second. If this nurse was the sole black nurse on an all white nursing floor and had derogatory remarks thrown his way, would ANY of us be saying to him, "Cheer up and just do your best work and kill 'em with kindness." No!! We would say what is fact:
That the behavior displayed by those nurses, if being reported accurately, is pure discrimination and blatantly illegal.
I would, for your own legal protection, note who is making what comments and when, perhaps in a folder you keep at home, so that if you should ever need to go to the HR department or a lawyer, you will have a historical account of what's going on.
By the way, you could be the male version of Florence Nightengale, and those women wouldnt give a hoot. It has nothing to do with performance and everything to do with your sex. There may be some quiet allies in your department, by the way. Hopefully they'll seek you out and give you some support if you don't decide to bail on that dump of an ER.
And that's an opinion from a feminist, former women's studies minor, honey. :)
Good luck to you. No wonder more men don't want to head into nursing.
Alison

Hi~

Another female here....chipping in.

I would echo the previous post...excellent advice. Now something for your psyche....how to deal with this emotionally day in and day out.

My mother gave me great advice....she said there are 3 ways to deal with a problem~I run through these three options to this day whenever I have a problem. Solve it, ignore it, or get away from it. Let's review these options:

1. You can solve it straight out. Since you don't have any control over anyone else's behavior but your own this is not an option here.

2. You can ignore it. This is an option. These women do not have to like you, they just have to work with you...and create a safe non-hostile work environment, that promotes good health care. Those that don't do that ignore...don't react (document & report to your superior) ala the excellent post above. I have a degree from another discipline...and once had this inexplicably b*chy secretary. When I approached her, I mimic'd her behavior--didn't say Hi unless she greeted me, I was pleasant and professional, but didn't go out of my way. My point is don't try to be their friend...do you job, and document & report if needed.

3. You can get away from it. This you can do to with time. Turn it into an opportunity, and look for a position with better hours, pay, bonus, whatever. Take your time and negotiate hard, while you have a job.

So sorry this is happening to you...good luck.

~D

Rock, LPN, RN · Mar 21, 2005

GOOD ADVICE !

You can't change these people. Deal with them on a professional level. Don't try to be their friends. Do your job as best you can, don't socialize with any of them. They will see in time, unless they are hopeless, that you don't feed into their sickness.

danu3 · Mar 21, 2005

Hi~
Another female here....chipping in.
I would echo the previous post...excellent advice. Now something for your psyche....how to deal with this emotionally day in and day out.
My mother gave me great advice....she said there are 3 ways to deal with a problem~I run through these three options to this day whenever I have a problem. Solve it, ignore it, or get away from it. Let's review these options:
1. You can solve it straight out. Since you don't have any control over anyone else's behavior but your own this is not an option here.
2. You can ignore it. This is an option. These women do not have to like you, they just have to work with you...and create a safe non-hostile work environment, that promotes good health care. Those that don't do that ignore...don't react (document & report to your superior) ala the excellent post above. I have a degree from another discipline...and once had this inexplicably b*chy secretary. When I approached her, I mimic'd her behavior--didn't say Hi unless she greeted me, I was pleasant and professional, but didn't go out of my way. My point is don't try to be their friend...do you job, and document & report if needed.
3. You can get away from it. This you can do to with time. Turn it into an opportunity, and look for a position with better hours, pay, bonus, whatever. Take your time and negotiate hard, while you have a job.
So sorry this is happening to you...good luck.
~D

4. Work your way up to become their manager.

Todd SPN · Mar 21, 2005

I have had this happen with both sexes. Generally, I don't care or let it bother me unless they are going out of their way to harass me. I don't have to be their friend and don't care if I am. If it was males giving you this trouble would you bring them cheesecake? You've got gonads use them. For my female problem I told her to just knock off the $hit and act like a professional. For the male problem I told him it was getting boring and suggested he come up with something else. They both go out of their way now to be friendly, but I don't care--I've seen their stripes.