Can you hate someone after 3 days?

Specialties Med-Surg

Published

Specializes in Med/Surg.

I can be nice, and I have been, for the last three days, the epitome of kindness.

[rant] You can be rude, crabby, ungrateful, passive-aggressive; You can barrage me with questions, while I am trying to pull up your MAR, or page the physician. Your family can stand 3" from the bed while I'm trying to change linens; you can pull the emergency cord in the bathroom, even though I'm 6feet away and you can see me; and you can use your call light every 29minutes; You can play the woe-is-me card all you want... But after 3days of wiping your butt and listening to you whine and moan about everything under the sun, am I allowed to hate you?

Dont' worry, I'm still smiling on the outside:)

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Specializes in Skilled Nursing, Rehab, LTC.

Sounds like a bowl full of sunshine. Nothing like an ungrateful patient and family. Can't say that I envy you.

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Hate is a strong word, but you can strongly dislike that patient. Like you said, you'll be smiling on the outside and as long as you are still professional towards the patient.

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Specializes in Med/Surg.

True!

I don't really hate any of my patients. I am always as professional as I can be, for my own pride and the pride of my Hospital!

I know some of their "fussiness" is just because they don't feel well. ...That aside, this individual was in their current state because of some very poor decisions, (morbid obesity, hx of mass qty of opioids, smoking, psych meds, etc.) and now can't control pain, breathe, think clearly, etc.!

After three days I had reached the apex of my frustration level -- primarily because of the time taken away from caring for my other pt's (CVA; Aspiration Pneumonia; MS; New onset seizure) but also because this person was downright mean to my Tech and another Nurse that was trying to help me.

Grrrrrrrrr!!!!

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Specializes in Emergency/Cath Lab.

3 days? Ive made that decision in under 3 seconds at times.

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3 days? Ive made that decision in under 3 seconds at times.

I was going to say how impressed I was that OP made it three whole days!

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Specializes in ED, ICU, PSYCH, PP, CEN.

I know how you feel. Just keep forging ahead. Try to always be a positive role model.

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"I can be nice, and I have been, for the last three days, the epitome of kindness.

[rant] You can be rude, crabby, ungrateful, passive-aggressive; You can barrage me with questions, while I am trying to pull up your MAR, or page the physician. Your family can stand 3" from the bed while I'm trying to change linens; you can pull the emergency cord in the bathroom, even though I'm 6feet away and you can see me; and you can use your call light every 29minutes; You can play the woe-is-me card all you want... But after 3days of wiping your butt and listening to you whine and moan about everything under the sun, am I allowed to hate you?"

Difficult acute care patients are stressful for nurses. Sometimes it is difficult to put ourselves in their shoes--that they have little to no control over their life, care, or progression of their medical problems. Their sleep is constantly disturbed by procedures or the noise on the floor. They have been removed from their comfort zone and exposed to a completely different environment in which they have little or no experience.

While your hate or anger is boiling up inside you, consider this: Siddhartha Buddha was quoted as saying: "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." Your anger or hate towards a difficult patient only harms you and adds more stress to an already stressful profession. You don't need anyone to tell you pathophys aspect of anger/hate/stress upon your body. We have all been in your shoes; my best wishes and thoughts to you.

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
Hate is a strong word, but you can strongly dislike that patient. Like you said, you'll be smiling on the outside and as long as you are still professional towards the patient.

No....I disagree. There are perfectly acceptable instances to HATE a patient. A nursing colleague of mine once told me a story of being a nurse at a nursing school when Richard Speck killed her friends and roommate.

Richard Franklin Speck (December 6, 1941 – December 5, 1991) was a mass murderer who systematically tortured, raped, and murdered eight student nurses from South Chicago Community Hospital in Chicago, Illinois, on July 14, 1966.

She was standing at his bedside at this death.

It is perfectly acceptable to really hate some people!

OP....:hug:. Feel Better? Good. I remember once when HMOs were new my Mom had to have open heart and she couldn't come to my hospital because of the HMO.....needless to say her post op care/course wasn't stellar. While I was tortured over this I continued to work in my unit and there was this local dumpster diver (homeless man) who treated us like dirt and behaved as if he was King of England. He was foul, hateful, obnoxious, mean, sexually inappropriate...he made my skin crawl. :madface: I actually told my manager that there was no way I could be nice to this guy right now and I would triple my load....just so I didn't have to care for him.

You are human with human feelings and frustrations. You are a great nurse for amazing restraint. I applaud you.

Great Job

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Specializes in ER.

it took you 3 days to get to the point of being fed up? It usually takes me about 30 seconds of all that you just described.... but one thank you and please and I'm all yours.

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Specializes in ER.
No....I disagree. There are perfectly acceptable instances to HATE a patient. A nursing colleague of mine once told me a story of being a nurse at a nursing school when Richard Speck killed her friends and roommate.

Richard Franklin Speck (December 6, 1941 – December 5, 1991) was a mass murderer who systematically tortured, raped, and murdered eight student nurses from South Chicago Community Hospital in Chicago, Illinois, on July 14, 1966.

She was standing at his bedside at this death.

It is perfectly acceptable to really hate some people!

OP....:hug:. Feel Better? Good. I remember once when HMOs were new my Mom had to have open heart and she couldn't come to my hospital because of the HMO.....needless to say her post op care/course wasn't stellar. While I was tortured over this I continued to work in my unit and there was this local dumpster diver (homeless man) who treated us like dirt and behaved as if he was King of England. He was foul, hateful, obnoxious, mean, sexually inappropriate...he made my skin crawl. :madface: I actually told my manager that there was no way I could be nice to this guy right now and I would triple my load....just so I didn't have to care for him.

You are human with human feelings and frustrations. You are a great nurse for amazing restraint. I applaud you.

Great Job

Sorry but I can't believe this, standing at Speck's bedside when he died? Knowing she was intimately involved in that situation with her friends? I cry foul.

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I've ran across hundreds of patients like this.

Never get to the level of hate... just exasperation with a big dose of self-pity!

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