Gay Nurses... help!

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Hi - Wondering if any gay nurses have an insight into some concerns i've been having...

How much do you self-disclose about yourself? What do you say when patients assume you are straight, and ask you about your girlfriend/wife? How about when they assume you are gay?!? How appropriate is it to be out to them? to your co-workers? Certainly there is a double standard, as straight nurses would be 'out' at work (by talking about thier family, or feeling comfortable self-disclosing about their family), but what techniques do you use at work?

Oh, and if you respond - please mention a little about what kind of nursing you do.

Thanks so much!

EDIT: Thanks for the first several responses - I wanted to update my question a little. I guess I am asking specifically about the situation when patients ask about your personal life (which, during nursing school, we were taught not to disclose, since the focus should be on the pt. not on the nurse.) But at the same time, we have to build a healty, healing relationship... answers?

Specializes in Family Practice, Urgent Care, Cardiac Ca.

wow...just....wow.

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Specializes in ICU / PCU / Telemetry / Oncology.
wow...just....wow.

I was thinking the same thing ... :eek:

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Specializes in Emergency Nursing.

Nah, marriage is universal and essentially a civil contract, the religious nature of humanity is what caused its eventual coopting by religious establishments.

But there is no arguing with conviction, if a person believes that marriage is a state instituted by God; right, wrong or indifferent, they deserve their say, but they shouldn't have preferred accessed to law-making or enforcement apparatuses.

At least not in a free society...but then, that should be true for everyone else as well...

Why do I get the feeling that my moderate libertarian sensibilities aren't going to have much of an impact on this discussion?

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The oxford dictionary refers to the meaning of communication as: "...The successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings...". Erroneously they make us believe in nursing school that it is unprofessional to share or disclose aspects of our personal life to patients. As the Oxford dictionary states, for there to be communication there:

  1. Needs to be two or more individuals involved
  2. Needs to be a mutual conveying, and sharing of ideas and feelings.

While it is true that our focus needs to be on the patient at all times. I also believe that in order to gain the patient's trust and create a good rapport with the patient we could cautiously disclose some aspects of our personal life without exceeding our self in the intent.

There is nothing wrong in my opinion for a nurse to answer "...Yes I am married and have children..." if the patient ask you so. In the same way there is nothing wrong to answer the same question from the gay perspective "...Yes I have a male partner and we haven't decide whether to adopt or not...". By doing that, you are being perfectly professional and most of all truthful, which is an essential aspect in a professional. The problem usually arises when a professional fails to set boundaries and his/her conversation goes beyond the professional patient-nurse relationship. Most nurses are afraid to think out of the box. To have the patient as the center of our actuation is key, even if it includes new ways of patient care that does not compromises its safety in any way. When I am delivering care to my patients I like to be innovative and very often I do it by thinking out of the box and not precisely following dictated standards that ultimately are looking to protect the institution from legal issues and not precisely looking after patient care and safety. The dynamic of a productive and effective communication varies from patient to patient, so the circumstances very often force you to find new ways of effective communication with your patients. Don't be afraid to break with dogmas and restricted standards that do not benefit your patients and often limits the capability and thinking ability of a nurse.

My name is Luis and I am a DNP student at the University of San Francisco. My background is ER nursing. I hope you enjoy reading with my answer.

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The oxford dictionary refers to the meaning of communication as: "...The successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings...". Erroneously they make us believe in nursing school that it is unprofessional to share or disclose aspects of our personal life to patients. As the Oxford dictionary states, for there to be communication there:

  1. Needs to be two or more individuals involved
  2. Needs to be a mutual conveying, and sharing of ideas and feelings.

While it is true that our focus needs to be on the patient at all times. I also believe that in order to gain the patient's trust and create a good rapport with the patient we could cautiously disclose some aspects of our personal life without exceeding our self in the intent.

There is nothing wrong in my opinion for a nurse to answer "...Yes I am married and have children..." if the patient ask you so. In the same way there is nothing wrong to answer the same question from the gay perspective "...Yes I have a male partner and we haven't decide whether to adopt or not...". By doing that, you are being perfectly professional and most of all truthful, which is an essential aspect in a professional. The problem usually arises when a professional fails to set boundaries and his/her conversation goes beyond the professional patient-nurse relationship. Most nurses are afraid to think out of the box. To have the patient as the center of our actuation is key, even if it includes new ways of patient care that does not compromises its safety in any way. When I am delivering care to my patients I like to be innovative and very often I do it by thinking out of the box and not precisely following dictated standards that ultimately are looking to protect the institution from legal issues and not precisely looking after patient care and safety. The dynamic of a productive and effective communication varies from patient to patient, so the circumstances very often force you to find new ways of effective communication with your patients. Don't be afraid to break with dogmas and restricted standards that do not benefit your patients and often limits the capability and thinking ability of a nurse.

My name is Luis and I am a DNP student at the University of San Francisco. My background is ER nursing. I hope you enjoy reading with my answer.

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I've only had one pt ask me if I was gay, but he was special needs and blurted out offensive things. I believe he said something like "Ya queer?!" without any provocation or context.

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I recently went on vacation. When people asked where I was going I replied "Paris". When they asked who I was going with I replied "my boyfriend". That pretty much took care of everything :)

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Specializes in ICU / PCU / Telemetry / Oncology.
I recently went on vacation. When people asked where I was going I replied "Paris". When they asked who I was going with I replied "my boyfriend". That pretty much took care of everything :)

I think that's all that's really required. Why does one have to go around and make an announcement that one is gay? You don't see straight people making similar announcements. Anyone should be able to bring up their significant other in a conversation and allow the listener to figure it out.

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Specializes in psych, geriatrics.

Being different than the majority is always tough to some extent - its not right, but definitely true. Any male nurse knows at least a little bit bout that. You do what you can. For this and mostly other reasons, I've developed quite thick skin , so to speak, over time, and it serves me well.

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hi, i'm a gay nurse and i have been open and out for about 20 years. i made a promise to myself when i came out that i would never live my life in the closet. i have worked in a large level 1 trauma center starting in medical surgical and working my way into ob and nicu. i currently work as a nurse liaison assessing patients for placement into snf's for a national healthcare company. i have shared my life with all my coworkers and have never felt i had to hide it. i have always been treated as an equal or leader. i have never had anyone i work with degrade me due to my sexual orientation. now i'm very comfortable with being out to others, you will have to figure out what your comfort level is. now when it comes to patients, i go with my gut feeling. if i feel the patient is not open to my life style(they ask about my wife/girl friend) i keep it to myself and keep all conversation very general. if like you mentioned the patient guesses i'm gay and i feel they are fine with it and conversation or questions are asked about my husband, then i talk about it. i never push my life onto a patient. i agree with my training, i'm there to support my patients and provide them a comforting, healing environment so the conversation has to be driven by my patients. i hope this helps you on your journey.:nurse:

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or feeling comfortable self-disclosing about their family)

Why don't you feel comfortable disclosing information about being gay? At the end of the day, it's what you thing that matters not everyone else. I personally could careless if people judge me based on something I tell them. The more normal you present yourself the better a social situation will be.

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i dont believe the gay male or female nurse for that matter should still be an issue its 2012 soon 2013.

again here in sydney we are open and quite tolerant of different genders , yes we get bible bashers, politions and media, as well as soapies giving good or bad publicity. lately here in australia we are getting many american progroms which have a gay character or two or mention the topic . most of the celebrity programs have gay characters, as well as the soapies.

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