Single Parent In Nursing School?!?!?

Atheos · Jun 16, 2008

My mother was single but dating in the Army (BF was in Army too). When she had to deploy or tdy(army for long business trip :) ) I was with him. If I think back, maybe it caused me some distress but in the long run, her gain was my gain and I am glad she did the things she had to do. She would be literally gone for months at a time. I am pretty sure in the long run it was harder on her than me. She was probably gone about 2 years of my childhood (not all at once). Children seem to handle this better than adults though.

Having someone like a grandmother to help would be great. I would like to give advice about the guilt of doing what you have to do but I am not a mother and am woefully ignorant of the things mothers go through. I can only relate that my mother did all the things she had to do and everything turned out great. How much she suffered was pretty evident in hindsight. I'm sure you'll make the right choice whatever it is.

School is pretty tough as it is. Do have a friend with 2 children ,4 and 2, by herself. She goes to school and works.

All this talk of heroes. Mothers are the real heroes. IMHO.

Jules A, MSN · Jun 16, 2008

Hi,

Can you go live with your Grandmother also? Maybe you could hook up with another single mother roommate to share child care responsibilities. I would be very hesitant to send my child away. There were many single mothers in my LPN and also RN classes. It was way harder for them but they managed to find a way to do it. I wish you all the best and personally feel that doing things such as quitting ones job to "focus on nursing school" is over-rated.

Good luck,

Jules

laydiebuug · Jun 16, 2008

I am a single parent with a four year old and an Army Reservist....a busy one. I am attending school right now and its hard, very hard but you have to do whats best for you. There are progrms out there and when you start class there will probably be other mothers and they will have resources and be a great support system (I hope) my class is great. I even went as so far as organizing us. I am not going to tell you not to send your daughter away. I just know is hard having my son and doing all this but I can't send him away...couldn't bear to do it. I am a single mom just like you, my sons father does nothing and its all on me. You can make it work doesn't mean its going to be easy but it can be done.

2ndcareerchange · Jun 16, 2008

My mother went back to college when I was 3 or 4... I DONT remember her gone. I stayed with my grandparents and uncles.... I was WELL taken care of and now a FAVORITE because of all the time I spent with them. If its a safe environment, then take her there... she will not remember when she is older. And you will be able to make a better living.... lets face it, unless you have an degree, here in CT you will not make enough money to care for you and your daughter... it is only 15 months. You can take her back in the summer. Really consider the help. Just make sure you help financially if you can with expenses.

my two cents,

Regi

cancergirl24 · Jun 16, 2008

i am a single mother of a four year old daughter. i am 23 years old and i am about to start nursing school august 27, 2008.
i receive no help whats-o-ever from my child's father.
i am seriously contemplating sending my daughter to her grandmother (she is willing to keep and take care of her for an entire year) but i cant help but feeling guilty. i love:heartbeat my daughter dearly but i want to make nursing school #1 priority right now in order to do my best. basically i do not want to neglect her because of school (i sincerely feel that this will be the reality of things
should i wait until she is older before i go to nursing school?
is there an alternative?
is there anyone out there in this same dillema or close to it?
if so how do you survive nursing school?
thanks to anyone's reply in advance
:imbar:eek::no:

hi prospectivelpn2010:heartbeat, im a 26 yr old parent of a almost 2 yr old boy. im not a single mom anymore but i was for a while(when my husband and i were separated in diff states) i read your post and couldnt decide if i should respond...but since i can relate to being a young mom ill give you my advice. your daughter is four yrs old, since this is the age where a childs life is most impacted (the ages of 1-5) i would not leave her side, even if it is only a year. you do what you have to do, which means being a mom comes first. it is definately possible to be a single parent thru school. it may take you longer to get through school going part time, and working part time, but your baby needs you. despite what people say about not remembering childhood at 4 yrs old is not true, and it does impact them. yes, your daughter would have a caring,loving home, but nothing is a substitute for a your mommy. our kids need us, especially at this young age. i used to think that because my son was "so young" that he wouldnt know the diff. if his daddy was here or not. then my husband left me and i became a single-do-it-all-yourself parent. being there emotionally for my son became top priority when i realized that even at 1 yr old he knew what was going on. we should never underestimate our kids' emotional understanding of things around them. i commend you for wanting to make your life better for you and your daughter:d there are options for you out there. apply for a school grant at www.fafsa.gov see what your options are as far as attending school part time, working part time etc. you can do anything you set your mind too!! i hope this helps, god bless, kristen:specs:

obicurn · Jun 16, 2008

I am a single parent of 4 kids ranging from 3-10. I've been trying to do this school thing since 1999 and am finally accepted to a nursing program and ready to finish and make life better for my kids. What gets me through every day is knowing that while we struggle so much now, the pay off in the end will be so worth all the sacrifices I make now. I am fortunate enough to have financial aid that pays for my schooling. While I am embarrassed to admit it, I utilize government assistance that helps me tons. I only have to pay 200 a month for my townhouse. Granted, my income is only 160 a week, but we make do with what we have.

I don't have any kind of family support here but it doesn't hurt me all that much. I go to school while my kids are at school during the day and I study after they go to bed at 8. Evenings belong to them.

As a previous poster said, at 4 years old it will affect her. It may not be in a bad way but 4 is a very tender age. I grew up without parents and trust me....it's not easy.

Ultimately, you have to do what you feel is best for your daughter. There are many many options out there that will allow you to go to school and still keep her with you. She will be starting school soon? Is she in preschool now? If so, you can go to school while she is in school and avoid the cost of daycare. It is doable. As moms, we spend most of our time juggling and trying to do it all and make it work for everyone. That is our job. I'm sure you've heard how hard school is, and all that, but don't let it discourage you. Nothing good ever came easy.

If you end up deciding to send her with grandma, don't beat yourself up about it. If you are doing it for HER best interest, then know you are doing what you need to do in order to give her a better life. Everyone's situation is different. Just don't feel like you HAVE to send her away in order to go to school. You can do both and do them well at the same time. You just have to really crack down and apply yourself and know this won't be forever. At the end of your program, you'll look back on it and think "That wasn't so bad!" Good luck!

*Scrubs* · Jun 16, 2008

I was once a young, single mother. I know how hard it is- in every aspect.

That being said, you asked for opinions and here is mine.

Suck it up. Go to school and take care of your kid. You brought her into this world- don't hand her off to make things easier for YOU.

Invoke the help of family and friends to lighten the stress for you and your little girl. In the end you can feel COMPLETELY satisfied that YOU DID IT. No one will ever be able take that from you. You will be looked at with admiration and respect from all who know you.

Someday you can say to your daughter, WE did it! And you can recount the story to her with pride! (Instead of- I sent you away for a year.)

Think about it :twocents:

obicurn · Jun 16, 2008

forgot to add...this statement.....

"i love:heartbeat my daughter dearly but i want to make nursing school #1 priority right now....."

i don't want to sound harsh but here it is:

once you have a child, nothing else in your life should ever again be number 1 priority. you keep her your number 1 priority, and work the other stuff in the best you can. will it be hard? you bet! can it be done? you bet!

at 23 it seems impossible, but you just have to focus on your goal and go get it.

30somethingstudetnt · Jun 18, 2008

I think you should take advantage of the opportunity of having help while it's available. I have three kids and I will be turning thirty tommorrow. I will be starting a LPN program in Aug. My mother was a huge help to me when she was alive. I regret not going back to school while she was still here. She would have definitely took my kids all three of them for a year, so that I could advance myself. I know you love your kid, but you and your child will reap the benefits from being away from each other for that year. TRUST ME.

Good luck,

Latonna

MomInTraining · Jun 18, 2008

I am in the same boat as you, but I am a single mom of two kids. I choose to raise my own kids though, I couldn’t for one second fathom not tucking them in at night and not having them under my roof for an entire year, Heck I don’t like it for a weekend when they are away!

My advice is to deal with it. Get a babysitter by day when you’re in school and study when your child is down for the night to sleep. If your 4 year old is anything like mine who doesn’t sleep you will find the time you need. Life has a way of working its way out when you want something bad enough, but sending your child off to live with someone else to make life easier on you during school just to me seems kind of wrong.

I know its going to be hard and one heck of a struggle but in the end if you make it through this you can accomplish anything and you’re setting a very good example for your child. When the going gets tough you cant just ditch the kids…

HartfordSPN, LPN, LVN · Jun 18, 2008

i truly do thank everyone who has posted their opinion on this issue. i just needed to put my thoughts out there and wanted to know if i was doing the right thing. they have a saying "to each is own" and everyone have to do what is best for them and their family and i truly believe that being a single mother or a mother for any reason you will have to make some really hard decisions. some of them you really do not want to make. my daughter knows how much her mommy loves her and i make sure i remind her of this everyday. i have never been away from my daughter for more than 24 hours and believe me it was the hardest and the longest day of my entire life. eventually i believe i will do what is right (sending her to my mom, or keeping her and see what can be done). because i pray every night that i will do the right thing.

thank you all again for your opinion, and thank you for taking the time to read my post and replying to it. i truly appreciate it.

:heartbeatnina:heartbeat