I wish everyone would get it...let me study!!!

pharmgirl · Jul 6, 2009

5 weeks into the program you are still training your family. Start now and just start saying "no, i really don't have the time...big test next week". After you say "no thanks, gotta study" a few hundred times they will begin to get the picture. But start NOW cause if you don't they will get used to you still "being available" when you aren't and really add undue stress to yourself. Let your Aunt know that she is welcome to stay at your house but you don't know how much of a gracious host you will be since you will be studying at the library most of the time but she is still welcome. Etc.,etc., you get the point.

If they still don't get it or get mad then whatever. This is an important step for you and your husband/kids and you need to surround yourself with a GREAT support system.

If your hubby understands, have him step in and let the family know. Have him call and say "hey, Gen2Nurse was gonna get some shopping done for the trip but just doesn't have time so I'm gonna do it. Can you tell me what I should get?" The rest of the famly may begin to get the message as well. Let hubby be the buffer when you don't show up somewhere.

Hate to make the reference, but its kinda like training a dog. The more times you say "no", they will eventually learn. LOL

Good Luck!!!! This takes time believe me, I know LOL

Gen2Nurse · Jul 6, 2009

Thank you Pharmgirl! You are so right. I have been preping mentally for this for a while, and I guess they do too. Thanks for the reply. It helps to hear that I am not the only one with this issue.

plaza · Jul 7, 2009

I have to agree with what pharmgirl said. NS is still pretty new to everyone around you and it's totally possible that they just don't know how much work is involved.

telling them "no" and being frank with them about your total comittment should get the message across - unless of course they are clueless.

as for feeling guilty, forget it. you have nothing to feel guilty about. you are doing this for you and your family. that you miss a kid's BD or a friend's housewarming party is NBD. look at the bigger picture.

and you do not sound like an "ingrate" ! :grn:

mmt4 · Jul 7, 2009

Your husband is supportive, so I agree with the others - let him help be the buffer.

Explain to him the difficulties you are having and ask him to help (and give specifics - if he is anything like my husband he will need specific examples of what would be helpful) - esp with his side of the family.

Roxyann57 · Jul 7, 2009

I would just explain the work load you have and even explain to them exactly what you have to do. Good luck, I am sure everything will work out fine.

Zoe*aka*studentnurse · Jul 7, 2009

HI

I agree with the other posts;) and its fantastic that your hubby is being a great support - I know I couldn't do it without my hubbys support and others.

Half the people in my life sound a bit like your family - my mil hasn't asked once how I'm going a uni or commented when I've said that I've done really well in exams. Then I have others who are very supportive, but a little over the top sometimes. Some things I would love to be invited to, and given the opportunity to say, 'sorry need to study', but we well my family received a invite to a family part without me on the invite:cry: I guess a little bit of balance is the key.

Good luck, Zoe:)

Gen2Nurse · Jul 8, 2009

You are all so right. A part of me wants to just deal with it without creating waves, and making people think they have to treat me "special". I am a people pleaser, and it goes against my nature to say no and be negative about things. I also don't want people to just not even consider me for stuff anymore either, I mean I don't want to be forgotten because of this.

But I know what I can handle, and I know that thinking and planning anything other than what I have to is just not an option -- if I want to pass. So I am going to use my hubby as a buffer, and hope everyone understands

goal · Jul 8, 2009

Well , you just have to start saying"no"!!I been in NS school for 10 months know and still have 7 more to go till Graduation. I was in the same boat,but they will stop including you after saying no all the time.Just say "No I have to study or "I have tons of hw". Good luck;)

jdub3 · Jul 8, 2009

So I have to rant a little. I am in my 5th week of NS, and I am actually doing well. I have taken 3 tests, and got high 90% on all. The trouble I am having is all the people in my life (besides my hubby,thank god) who don't get it that NS is my priority. For instance my in-laws, who are great except, they keep planning stuff including me when I really cant participate. Not to mention my Aunt coming into town and wanting to stay at my house,and my close friend giving me a guilt trip about going to their housewarming party. Then there are the birthday parties that my kids friends want me to take them to. I even opted out of a week long camping trip with my family (in-laws), but I am still expected to plan/shop for the food, and pack...
I think NS school would be cake if everyone else would stop and think "Oh yah, she is trying to study and actually change her life -- lets not expect her to take on extra stuff".
I know that I sound like an ingrate, I know that the old me (pre -NS me) would have no problem with any of this. Now though I feel resentful toward those I love for wanting me to do anything more than what I have to. I also feel really guilty for resenting them, cause I know that they just want to include me.
I dont know how to get through the next 13 months without blowing up at someone. I dont want to sound like a selfish bit**. It is true that I feel like this is my time, and f them all if they dont get that I am puting me first for once...but I cant say that. What to do, what to do?

Yep, I feel you. The only people that will understand are other nursing students. I just turned into a super jerk when "anyone" doubted the difficulty level or how "selfish" I needed to be to get through it...

CandyGyrl1985 · Aug 12, 2009

reverse psychology tip:

next time you speak to the person who does this to you - for example your aunt...

tell her that you are upset because you have other family members that are not as kind and understanding as she is about your schooling. and go on to explain that other family members have no empathy and understanding regarding your study time. and you feel so bad that they wont support you.

the aunt in this example will not realize you are talking about her (unless you drop hints in your talk- which i dont recommend) and she will join your side- since you showered her with praise. she will also understand at that point that in order for you to keep this opinion of her - she must always consider your study time first.

this is a great tactic! it keeps your relationships great and gets people to do what you need them to do. sure its manipulative - but if you dont use it for evil - it cant hurt. :saint:

psalm, RN · Aug 12, 2009

I used to say I'd be available in June 2002 (I graduated in May 2002). I missed lots of church services, get-togethers, didn't have time for long phone calls. Vacation day I would catch up on sleep/mental health and then be with my family.

I spent alot of time at the school or public library studying so I'd not have interruptions. I didn't have a cell phone then

One morning in Sunday School I lamented how I just couldn't do the SS lessons due to studying for nursing school. Our pastor's wife put her arm around me and said something like, "We need godly nurses...do what you have to now, it will be okay". Always appreciated her support.