How do I deal with this patient's family members?

Specialties Home Health

Published

I am a CNA in FL and would like you nurses opinion on this matter, if you will.

I have been with this Home Health Agency since December, and have had this particular patient for 5 months now. She has Dementia, but mostly independent requiring supervision on a variety of tasks and activities.

We get along REALLY well. She likes me a lot and always tells me "thanks for making my day so bright" everytime I leave her house. I also like her a lot. We have fun together...:yeah:

Anyway, she lives with her son who is bound to a wheelchair because of a car accident yrs ago. He does mostly everything for himself. At first he didn't bother us at all. But lately he's got into a crazy mood (I think he's jealous of us having too much fun :angryfire), and he's doing everything he can to either slow down my tasks or prevent me from doing it. The other day he said I could not wash her clothes, and she had wet her bed really bed. I stuck R (Refused) on my Daily chart for that day (laundry). Then another day he told me to go easy on the paper towels (he doesn't just say it.. he YELLS at me). Then I started using one of my patient's hand towel as a bib, instead of "wasting" his paper towels. He comes around her and SNATCHES the towel out of her chest... to which my patient turned to me in a desperate face...:uhoh3: I told him to leave the towel where it was. He turns to me and yells "WHY?". I told him he had told me to not use the paper towels, he said "for this you can use". I said "I prefer using the towel because it shields it better all the way down to her legs"... because she makes a big mess especially on cereal days!:o Anyway, another day he came around the table, where my patient was sitting and eating lunch and I was sitting on the chair right next to her, he whams her against the table, trying to push her chair closer to the table (it wasn't that far away)... she screamed in terror! The only thing that came out of my mouth was "OH GOSH!". I could NOT believe what he had done. The way he treats his mom. The way he gets in between us.

Well, I told his sister -- my patient's younger daughter who lives 6 houses away on the same street -- all about this, that her brother is being an old fart, he tells me not to feed her this or that (things that she usually eats but now somehow he forbids her!), and the sister told me "please don't call your agency and tell these things, because if you do, I will have to drop your agency". I had told her I was unhappy with the conditions I was having now, all of a sudden her brother puts on a mood and creates a big problem for us. The one who pays for it is my patient and I'm very concerned. I'm there to do my job, whatever is on my aide Assignment sheet by my RN supervisor, I'm following it to the letter. I'm never late, I never miss work, I take my work very seriously, I enjoy what I do and excuse me -- but I do a DAMN good job! :specs: I'm proud of it! But at the same time I don't know how to deal with this old fart that is unhappy about life and is jealous that his mom and I are enjoying the time we have together... we walk, we watch TV, we play games together, we read, we laugh and tell jokes... I don't know why a family member could have a reason for a complaint about this! Anyway, I need the hours too as I am going to start nursing school now in May, and to be honest... I'm not ready to quit my job just yet, because like I said, I'm enjoying it very much. But I don't know how long I can stand this situation with the family members. I don't want to get in their business... the sister keeps telling me that her brother because of the accident, blahblahblah, that I have to have patience with him... I told her "I don't have to have anything for him... he's not my patient... I just want him to leave me alone so I can do my job properly"! Am I asking too much????

Tomorrow I have to go there again in the morning, and after that I'm going to my agency to drop paperwork for the week... but I am very tempted to tell the supervisor there about these things. But at the same time I'm afraid I won't have this patient anymore. I like her and I think she deserves the care I'm giving her. And I count on these weekly hours... I don't know if I can get another patient like her again.

What do you nurses think of my dilemma???? Should I put up with this problem or what?

Thanks a lot for reading... sorry it was too long! ;)

I was thinking about not quitting right now... I want to stay for some more time until I can find something else to do. That's why I will just keep this patient for now.

Glad to hear that it went as well as it did. I suppose the agency personnel are walking on eggshells with you because of the complaint you made. I imagine they have been called about this already. Or maybe not. Just continue to be careful when you deal with them. The less contact, the better. Good luck with your interpretation job.

Specializes in OR, HH.

Congratulations on a job well done - Morango!!! You couldn't have dealt with the family any better than you did. Good Job. I'm glad you stood your ground.

Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.

That comment they made, "you're new, you'll learn how to get along with family members" was a pretty dumb thing for them to say, but I wouldn't put too much emphasis on it.

I did a quick look-see at the Florida Elder Abuse web page. You are entitled to know what the disposition of the case is and to remain anonymous. Check it out. My wish for you-- smooth waters ahead!!

I agree with you, Nursel!

They are just trying to make me feel bad for what I did. I don't feel an inch bad about quitting the case. It wasn't because I'm new. It was because it just wasn't right.

Anyway, the only thing the person of the Elder Abuse Hotline gave me was her name and ID #. I don't know how I can look up the case, etc.

I would REALLY like to know what will come out of this.

Oh by the way... the agency has assigned a new CNA for that patient.

I wish her all the best.

I think that lady (upper management, I guess) that called me that evening said something to my office manager. I know they were very nice to me when I went there today. Or tried to.

How interesting that they were able to assign a new CNA so quickly and effortlessly. Such is usually the case when an employee removes themselves from a case for good reason. Goes to show you where the real concern with the agency lies. The staff will never do anything to correct the situation but throw new employees at it, each told a "story" about the previous worker who "couldn't hack it". Good luck to you and prayers for that poor client.

I know, Cali... that shows that they really care for us workers out there.

:cry:

I am not surprised by the OP's problem.

A half-way aide is more appreciated than one who comes to do what they are SUPPOSED to do along with a good attitude.

I see this so often in healthcare. Sometimes, I think maybe you shouldn't do too good of a job, or be TOO NICE, that way they won't nitpick with you.

Yes, Ms. N.A.!

I agree with you! :up:

You can never be too good. I think I failed on this.

I am wondering what kind of aide they sent to that patient I had.

I'm sure no matter how good she is, there will always be a complaint.

And the other (underlying and serious) issues will keep on...

:cry:

As I was leaving the agency on Friday, one of the girls who work there at the office said "Do you like purses? If you want to look, I have a bag here full of them..."

And all these other CNAs looking at the purses and buying... and I was the one thinking "this can't be a serious agency"...

:coollook:

Hi everybody!

I've got some news about that patient...

My agency called me this morning saying that DCF called and wanted to talk to me, and the office manager gave me the investigator's phone number. Then she said "Is that about that patient so and so (her name)?" I was stupid enough to say "Yes". Then later I realized how dumb it was to say that. I should have said "it's confidential", or whatever. Anyway, I called them and spoke with the person and I told her that the agency asked me that question, and what I answered. The investigator said: "well, it's none of their business, why are they asking you these things? They should know they should not." THen I thought "I know, I'm too dumb to have answered them." But anyway. I told them the agency called my pt's daughter after I had wrote the first report on the bruises, saying that I was concerned with the safety of my pt. YOu know what the investigator said? "They had no business calling the pt's family to tell them you had written a report and that you were concerned with her safety! That should have been kept confidential!". I told her after that, the daughter started treating me horribly, and saying all the time that maybe they didn't need me anymore there. Then it created that weird uncomfortable situation between family and me. Now I am just wondering if the agency is going to tell the patient's family that I contacted DCF and they'll be after them. Wouldn't this be against the law, since the information is confidential? What can I do to protect my rights?

Thanks for reading!

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