How do I deal with this patient's family members?

Specialties Home Health

Published

I am a CNA in FL and would like you nurses opinion on this matter, if you will.

I have been with this Home Health Agency since December, and have had this particular patient for 5 months now. She has Dementia, but mostly independent requiring supervision on a variety of tasks and activities.

We get along REALLY well. She likes me a lot and always tells me "thanks for making my day so bright" everytime I leave her house. I also like her a lot. We have fun together...:yeah:

Anyway, she lives with her son who is bound to a wheelchair because of a car accident yrs ago. He does mostly everything for himself. At first he didn't bother us at all. But lately he's got into a crazy mood (I think he's jealous of us having too much fun :angryfire), and he's doing everything he can to either slow down my tasks or prevent me from doing it. The other day he said I could not wash her clothes, and she had wet her bed really bed. I stuck R (Refused) on my Daily chart for that day (laundry). Then another day he told me to go easy on the paper towels (he doesn't just say it.. he YELLS at me). Then I started using one of my patient's hand towel as a bib, instead of "wasting" his paper towels. He comes around her and SNATCHES the towel out of her chest... to which my patient turned to me in a desperate face...:uhoh3: I told him to leave the towel where it was. He turns to me and yells "WHY?". I told him he had told me to not use the paper towels, he said "for this you can use". I said "I prefer using the towel because it shields it better all the way down to her legs"... because she makes a big mess especially on cereal days!:o Anyway, another day he came around the table, where my patient was sitting and eating lunch and I was sitting on the chair right next to her, he whams her against the table, trying to push her chair closer to the table (it wasn't that far away)... she screamed in terror! The only thing that came out of my mouth was "OH GOSH!". I could NOT believe what he had done. The way he treats his mom. The way he gets in between us.

Well, I told his sister -- my patient's younger daughter who lives 6 houses away on the same street -- all about this, that her brother is being an old fart, he tells me not to feed her this or that (things that she usually eats but now somehow he forbids her!), and the sister told me "please don't call your agency and tell these things, because if you do, I will have to drop your agency". I had told her I was unhappy with the conditions I was having now, all of a sudden her brother puts on a mood and creates a big problem for us. The one who pays for it is my patient and I'm very concerned. I'm there to do my job, whatever is on my aide Assignment sheet by my RN supervisor, I'm following it to the letter. I'm never late, I never miss work, I take my work very seriously, I enjoy what I do and excuse me -- but I do a DAMN good job! :specs: I'm proud of it! But at the same time I don't know how to deal with this old fart that is unhappy about life and is jealous that his mom and I are enjoying the time we have together... we walk, we watch TV, we play games together, we read, we laugh and tell jokes... I don't know why a family member could have a reason for a complaint about this! Anyway, I need the hours too as I am going to start nursing school now in May, and to be honest... I'm not ready to quit my job just yet, because like I said, I'm enjoying it very much. But I don't know how long I can stand this situation with the family members. I don't want to get in their business... the sister keeps telling me that her brother because of the accident, blahblahblah, that I have to have patience with him... I told her "I don't have to have anything for him... he's not my patient... I just want him to leave me alone so I can do my job properly"! Am I asking too much????

Tomorrow I have to go there again in the morning, and after that I'm going to my agency to drop paperwork for the week... but I am very tempted to tell the supervisor there about these things. But at the same time I'm afraid I won't have this patient anymore. I like her and I think she deserves the care I'm giving her. And I count on these weekly hours... I don't know if I can get another patient like her again.

What do you nurses think of my dilemma???? Should I put up with this problem or what?

Thanks a lot for reading... sorry it was too long! ;)

What? You can do that if you want to. Just have your eyes open and realize that you will have no backup. As if you did anyway. You are not supposed to enter the family's employ within six months of leaving the agency, without buying out your contract, but sometimes a person can get away with that.

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I know... as a matter of fact my agency has that policy.

I am scared to death of working for this family and the agency finds out. $2500 in fines!

I understand why they would have this policy. But at the same time, the really can't control what I do with my life after I leave the agency...

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then... I don't know... i think I better not (don't have $2500 lying around)!

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I had a supervisor who worked for the family on her own time and worked for the agency. Her standard retort for the agency: "What I do on my time off is my business". She got away with it because the client lived in a ritzy neighborhood and fought for her tooth and nail. It was easy to do because the agencies never could get enough nurses to properly staff the case. Finally the insurance company said "Screw it" and dumped the agency. So the nurses on the case were working directly for the insurance company and for the client. The supervisor told me that when the insurance company took the case from the agency, they did not increase the paychecks of the nurses. If the agency wants to sue you for the $2500, they could.

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Cali-- I'm sorry but I did not get your point on that other case.

:uhoh3: I'm dumb...

Yes, I know they can sue me if they want to. The question is: how would they find out?

At the same time I want to do it, I'm scared as well. Hard enough to pay for nursing school, let alone give away $2500. I don't know... I don't... :o

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Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.

Well, Morango. I know one thing. When you are in nursing school studying "patient advocate" you won't have to wonder what the heck they are talking about:yeah::yeah::yeah::flwrhrts:

However this goes, you have EVERY RIGHT especially when it comes to detailing an elder abuse report, to tell that lady. PLEASE SLOW DOWN if she's talking too fast. Yeah, I'm sure she might be busy but accuracy is very important.

Good job:up:

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oh thanks, Nursel!

I am not there yet, still on pre-reqs... :cry:

Well, the lady took my report, I tried my best to be accurate and remember everything.

What is going to happen now? Are they going to call me back?

I really would like to know what happened to my patient... I care for her.:redpinkhe

Thanks!!!

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The agency would find out when the client quits the agency and you are suddenly not available. It really doesn't matter. Either they will find out and you're in trouble or they won't bother with it and you're ok. You have to take the chance. The people I know who have done this sort of thing faced no repercussions. I don't know if it was because the agencies didn't know, or because nobody at the agencies wanted to bother with pursuing the matter.

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Thanks Cali!

Well, I am talking to the client's daughter right now, and she really likes me. She said "if it depends upon us, they will NEVER find out, I promise yoU! I really need and like you!". I told her, the only thing is, if I quit the agency, she will have to accept another aide from the agency to replace me. I told her she cannot tell the agency she doesn't want anybody else from the agency anymore. I agreed to basically work on the weekends for her. Right now I go Mon-Thur. I explained to her that if we don't do this way, then they will definitely know something is going on.

Tomorrow I have to go to the agency and drop paperwork and get my check. I wonder what my office manager is going to say. :uhoh3:

Thanks again!

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Remember to conduct yourself in a professional manner. Smile and be as pleasant as you can. But stand your ground. You are the one who is right in this situation.

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Thanks Cali!

I will follow your suggestion... :up::icon_roll

Will let you know tomorrow how it went.

:yeah:

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Good afternoon to all!

I went to the agency today. I had to file a patient complaint form, which I did. I stated that it became a question of safety for myself to work there, as I had already informed the agency that these issues were going on. I also said that the patient and I got along really well and that unfortunately the family members made it impossible for me to follow my aide assignment sheet. Also I mentioned that I had alerted the agency about the verbal abuse going on... towards my patient and also towards me (the son yelling at me all the time). At the end I mentioned that the daughter forbid me to call the agency to talk about these issues, threatening to talk to her care manager and quit the agency altogether.

So I asked the girl there to make me a copy for my records, which she made. Now I'm saving every copy of everything I write down.

The office manager and the personnel specialist met with me privately in another room to ask me what had happened. I told them everything, that this has been dragging and now I can no longer work there, although I enjoyed helping my patient. They were very polite and understanding when I explained everything, and they said they understand that I'm a new CNA and that I will learn as time goes by how to deal with people (did I deal with the family wrong?). Anyway, they said the daughter told them that I "required them to be at home at certain times and called them 'incessantly' on their cell phones". HOGWASH!! I explained to them that the only time I called the daughter on her cell phone was like 15 min before I had to leave, since she didn't live with her mom, and Bozo (my pt's son) who was there refused to sign my paper or decided to go to Walmart and wasn't back yet. I told them I had to leave by 11am because I had to drive to my other pt's house and be there at 11:30am, and there were times that I was late because I could not simply leave my patient at home by herself. I told them that they were making this game with me, knowing I had to leave. They said "well, you could have called us and we would have called them". I said, "I told you guys a couple of times when I came in the office that this was an issue". Well, I think I did ok. I hope. I was honest and stated all that happened.

Early this morning they had called me to ask to substitute for another aide, but I couldn't. When they called me then I knew they would not fire me. That was a good thing.

Anyway, I guess this is taken care of. I told them for now I don't want any more new patients. I am starting to look for other agencies, or starting my interpretation job a few hours a day, also my school.

I have to thank you all so much because you have been following through with me on this ordeal, and you guys have been so supportive!!! THANKS SO MUCH!

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