I'm thinking I've posted this before a long time ago, but I am out of ideas. All last year was a blur, with several jobs but because I had excessive absences, I lost every one of them. The people who love me all wonder why I do this to myself, why I cause myself more low self-esteem, increase my fear, and scary financial distress. I wonder why myself.
I am one of those persons that as the hours draw closer to going to work, I feel horribly scared and can't sleep. I sometimes vomit. Everytime I call out, I put more financial hardship on myself.
Thnk about all the demands at work, I think of busy staff who tend to get snippy. I think of new jobs, new ways of doing things. I think of making mistakes. Generally I believe I'm a good nurse, skilled in many ways, but my thoughts and emotions get the better of me.
I am so poor and with my lack of work and absences, I get poorer. I need help. I am not taking any psychotropic meds or seeing a psychologist right now and I have no insurance. I probably should do self-study CBT or something. I'm in a job right now and I'm just starting, but I'm already missing.
Please help me. Has anyone experienced what I am experiencing? Any worthy books out there? Thanks so much.
Dec 23, '09
I understand your restless nights because my sister and I have similar symptoms. We usually worry about what we are to do (work, school, errands, etc) and find ourselves losing sleep. Just last night I lost sleep because I am out of town and I had to take my child to get a haircut (although it was the baber shop on the college campus I graduated from 13 years ago). Why did I lose sleep, worring about what route to take, making it on time, how many patrons, making sure I had cash because no credit cards accepted, will the haircut be acceptable, etc.
Well, the day turned out just fine, they accepted credit cards, I had little difficulty finding the place, and there were only two clients. The babers were extremely nice and I engaged in quality conversation with the as well as my child recieving a wonderful haircut. The point is I CREATED all the negative thoughts in my mind and embraced them prior to going to sleep and when awakening to use the restroom. I've gotten much better over time because there are times when I tell myself, "shut up and just go to sleep." However, please seek the advice klyders gave you in the above post. I want you to succeed, be happy, and help others in their time of need. I'm quite sure you're an AWESOME nurse.....it's your time to shine, make other smile and fill their heart with joy.
I wanted to tell my story because I want you to know their are others who have similar experiences just as you. We all deal with our situations differently. My prayers are with you and your family.
Last edit by teacher08 on Dec 23, '09
: Reason: delete a word