Nursing is making me ill.

  1. Hello fellow nurses.

    I have been a nurse for over 20 years, and can relate to many stories and posts on here. The reason I am here is because I really don't know why after all these years, nursing is becoming way to difficult to handle. I'm litterally emotionally and physically exhausted. It's depressing me really. So much, that I am having to take antidepressants to try to ease the pain. No one seems to really care. All they really care about is that I keep the money flowing..lol. But I am losing myself and I feel like it's making me ill. I tried to leave the profession a couple of times. The first time was after I had a breakdown and that's when my first husband decided to leave after 20 years. The second time was after I remarried. But it started to cause so much friction I returned after 6 months. I pretend to be happy most days for the sake of others, but it's hard to fake happy. I get severe panic attacks and can't sleep anymore thinking about how I don't want to go to work. I have had to call in sick a lot recently as I am too upset and drained to get myself motivated to go. This is a situational depression cause it's all about this career. I would have liked to change careers, but I don't know if I would have that in me anymore at my age to start over. It seems as long as I am nursing everyone is happy. But it just leaves me feeling miserable. Like I am dying alive. I made a mistake going into this profession. Not that I am not a good nurse. I always gave good care. But I just wish I never started. It's ruined my life cause of how unhappy it's made me feel for years. I need to accept the truth and stop the denial. I need to pave a new path somehow.
    Last edit by justmovingon on Dec 30, '15
    •  
  2. 12 Comments

  3. by   ED Nurse, RN
    If you truly feel that way, you need to quit nursing. Pt care will suffer if you go to work miserable everyday. If people in your personal life can't understand that then you also need to reevaluate those relationships.
  4. by   justmovingon
    I know, I need to make some very serious and hard decisions. It's hard to move forward until I do. And I would probably be the happiest person if I never had to nurse again. My only regret, is I didn't listen to my gut, and leave this profession behind sooner.
  5. by   nursmimi
    OP, are you sure that it is nursing that you hate or maybe just the current job you have? I ask because years ago I had a job at a Dr's office that I hated. I mean I literally cried everyday on the way home and was miserable! I hated to get up and go to work, the Dr was impossible to work with. I never let the patients know how much I hated being there, but I really did cry every day. My husband finally said ENOUGH! and I quit that job. I found a job in public health and loved it! I then decided to return to school and get my BSN. 6 months after graduation I landed my dream job of being a school nurse. I may not make alot of money, but I am so happy that I did not give up on nursing! I just found a better job. Whatever you decide, good luck and best wishes!
  6. by   justmovingon
    I'm pretty sure it is nursing. I've tried a lot of types of different areas of this profession. To be honest I am thinking about quitting my job and working my own business now. I know I may be making a lot less but I don't care anymore. I just want peace and happiness of a stress free life. I am scared to lose the security but I think I have to let go to move on.
  7. by   TheCommuter
    Not too long ago I came to the realization that nursing wasn't making me sick. Rather, it was my job that had been making me sick.

    Within the past month I resigned from the soul-sucking job and now work a desk job that involves no patient care, holidays, or weekends. Although I've only been in this role less than a month, I already feel better physically and emotionally.
  8. by   Dobieb2009
    I gather you work in a hospital? The mandates are killing the nurses. I was 60 in 2013, and I couldn't stand another minute at that job( telemetry/step down). I had seen other people try different jobs and shifts, some worked out, some didn't. I used all my benefit time, and after a month, I retired. Yes, I lost some benefits, but I gained peace of mind. If you have to keep working, start looking for something else. This is your only life, you should not spend it in misery.
  9. by   justmovingon
    Right now I am working in a hospital. I did telemetry years before, and that was the worst dumping ground. I think also I just don't find nursing work interesting anymore. I can actually admit I am so BORED. Being busy is one thing. But busy and bored of a job is even more challenging. I don't find healthcare excites me at all. It's not the patients. It's the actual job. This is half the stress of it for me. I could be dead busy and just die of boredom. What is wrong with me!? I am booked tonight and I just want to hand in a resignation.
  10. by   CamillusRN
    Have you thought about leaving the bedside for procedural work (cath lab, OR, Anesthesia)? Maybe the bedside is taking its toll ...
  11. by   paidmydues
    ...justmovingon..."busy yet bored" at the same time nails it exactly! What a deadly combination. I find no one, including those in ancillary departments who work closely with us, really understand exactly what we do moment to moment and hour to hour in our job. I worked as a flight attendant and the sameness and monotany of working flights didn't come close to the soul-sucking work of nursing. If your fam just expects the Mommy nurse-with-a-purse paycheck to keep flowing, they need a sit down and need to learn that Mom has dreams and passions and it is HER time. Get them onboard. Your body and mind are talking to you. I went through a huge trauma and at 3 years out with max self-car I am just beginning to live fully (better!) again with new dreams and passions. I support your precious journey!
  12. by   iluvivt
    You really have nothing to lose and everything to gain if it is that bad! My one caution is that if your paycheck is mandatory to supporting yourself and your family then you must get a job lined up or your business up and going and profitable! If life is stressful now try living it without money!
  13. by   FollowYourDream
    This post was 2 years ago but I still want to respond to it. Leave the nursing profession while you can! In my 3rd year I was certain that nursing wasn't for me. I had a inkling that it wasn't something I would like in nursing school but everybody kept pressuring me to finish school so I did. 9 years later, I am still unhappy being a nurse. It isn't a good fit for me. You only live once. Follow your dreams and if you don't know what else you'd like to do, just try anything, but don't stay and get comfortable...if you do that 20 years will pass by and it'll be too late. It took me a few years but I kept my eyes on the prize. My goal has always been to change careers but that times time, planning, and preparation. My advice would be to pay off all of your debt and once you've done that, minimize how you live so that you can fund your next career - because transitioning into a job sometimes takes money and also if you are debt free, it's easier to not feel tied down to your job. Today I can proudly and happily say that for 9 years I have been trying to get out of nursing and have finally reached a point where I can embark on something new without having to be tied down to a full time nursing job. I work oncall at outpatient facilities on a part time basis and am going to school for something in the Arts - something I've always wanted to do. If you can't see yourself doing anything else other than nursing, by all means stay a nurse! But if you truly aren't happy...leave while you still can! No career is worth your happiness, health, or well being.
    Last edit by FollowYourDream on Apr 7 : Reason: I wanted to add more to my story
  14. by   RNOTODAY
    If it's not too late ... don't take any more days out - instead, take a loa, have your doc sign you out due to stress. You might need a few weeks. But it's mostly to SAVE YOUR JOB-- we all know hospitals love to fire for call ins-- don't let it get that far, be proactive with the calling out, take an loa and SAVE YOUR JOB EVEN IF YOU DONT WANT IT- leave on your terns , NOT by themfiring you ! Good luck I've been there a few times actually

close