Nursing is making me ill.

[justmovingon]

Hello fellow nurses.

I have been a nurse for over 20 years, and can relate to many stories and posts on here. The reason I am here is because I really don't know why after all these years, nursing is becoming way to difficult to handle. I'm litterally emotionally and physically exhausted. It's depressing me really. So much, that I am having to take antidepressants to try to ease the pain. No one seems to really care. All they really care about is that I keep the money flowing..lol. But I am losing myself and I feel like it's making me ill. I tried to leave the profession a couple of times. The first time was after I had a breakdown and that's when my first husband decided to leave after 20 years. The second time was after I remarried. But it started to cause so much friction I returned after 6 months. I pretend to be happy most days for the sake of others, but it's hard to fake happy. I get severe panic attacks and can't sleep anymore thinking about how I don't want to go to work. I have had to call in sick a lot recently as I am too upset and drained to get myself motivated to go. This is a situational depression cause it's all about this career. I would have liked to change careers, but I don't know if I would have that in me anymore at my age to start over. It seems as long as I am nursing everyone is happy. But it just leaves me feeling miserable. Like I am dying alive. I made a mistake going into this profession. Not that I am not a good nurse. I always gave good care. But I just wish I never started. It's ruined my life cause of how unhappy it's made me feel for years. I need to accept the truth and stop the denial. I need to pave a new path somehow.

[RNOTODAY, BSN, RN]

If it's not too late ... don't take any more days out - instead, take a loa, have your doc sign you out due to stress. You might need a few weeks. But it's mostly to SAVE YOUR JOB-- we all know hospitals love to fire for call ins-- don't let it get that far, be proactive with the calling out, take an loa and SAVE YOUR JOB EVEN IF YOU DONT WANT IT- leave on your terns , NOT by themfiring you ! Good luck I've been there a few times actually