I need help, advice, support, anything you can give

CrunchRN, ADN, RN · Jul 17, 2013

When you work and go to school you just have to clench the old cheeks and grind your way through. It will be better soon.

lauriepat, ASN, RN · Jul 18, 2013

I am in the EXACT situation.

I graduated lpn school when i was 18. Got hired into LTC as charge nurse when i was 20.

I am working towards my rn as well, and my grades are suffering incredibly because of work.

One of my teachers actually pulled me aside and asked me what the hell was wrong with me and why i look like i'm going to cry all the time.

I have the same problem with my boss and coworkers- they feel i am incompetent because i am so young and a "new nurse" even though i have been licensed 2 years.

It is so, so hard and trying. I want to sit down and cry 90% of the time, and no one understands why.

I keep telling myself- keep your head up. I don't know how old you are, but being successful when you are young is not easy. School to me is more important than work...because i know my rn license will take me a lot further than my lpn.

Prioritize and try to find balance. Find a stress release and relax on your days off.

Message me if you ever want to talk.

Stay strong!! You're not alone :)

TheLiberation, ASN, BSN, RN · Jul 18, 2013

I am in the EXACT situation.
I graduated lpn school when i was 18. Got hired into LTC as charge nurse when i was 20.
I am working towards my rn as well, and my grades are suffering incredibly because of work.
One of my teachers actually pulled me aside and asked me what the hell was wrong with me and why i look like i'm going to cry all the time.
I have the same problem with my boss and coworkers- they feel i am incompetent because i am so young and a "new nurse" even though i have been licensed 2 years.
It is so, so hard and trying. I want to sit down and cry 90% of the time, and no one understands why.
I keep telling myself- keep your head up. I don't know how old you are, but being successful when you are young is not easy. School to me is more important than work...because i know my rn license will take me a lot further than my lpn.
Prioritize and try to find balance. Find a stress release and relax on your days off.
Message me if you ever want to talk.
Stay strong!! You're not alone :)

Thanks so much. I graduated at 17, turned 18, graduated high school and then am now 20 doing this. I keep trying to keep my head up to but it seems I can never catch up. My nervousness and impulsive and fear of failure constantly find me even when I try to avoid them. Thanks so much for your kind words. Glad to know I'm not the only one.

Helano · Jul 18, 2013

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. . Although I was not a nurse, I studied pre-nursing when I first went to college. I worked two jobs, did school full-time and really burned myself out. I felt a lot like you describe. I ended up choosing an easier liberal arts major to deal with the stress. I did manage to get a BA with a very mediocre GPA.

If I could do it over again, I would have gone to school or worked, not both. Take a step back and enjoy life.

It's taken me a decade to fix my GPA enough to finally get into nursing school. I start in the fall and am not going to work. It would have saved a lot of time, money, and stress had I done it right the first time.

CheesePotato, BSN, RN · Jul 19, 2013

Warning: Long !@#% post ahead. Skip if it bugs you. I regret nothing.

I feel like I have no one to turn to at this point. With everything going on in my life, I finally understand how easy it could for someone to give into depression and turn to suicide. Not that I am suicidal AT ALL. But I see that other than hypertension, stress acts like a silent killer.

I am glad to hear you are not contemplating suicide as an answer to your current situation. I may not have much more than a listening ear and a reading eye, but I am here to chat if you wish.

Currently I'm a new nurse judging full time school, work, and personal life. I am unconfident of myself, I second guess myself, and I'm impulsive. I try my hardest and my best to do things right, but I feel as though everything always slips out of my grasp. As I'm done putting out one fire, I'm onto the next one.

If there was one thing I wish that could be sold in the grocer's freezer section, it would be Confidence from Concentrate. As you state at the end of your post, you know this will pass and for all things wonderful and tasty in this world, I wish I had something better to tell you other than the following:

What you are feeling is normal. Totally, perfectly, one hundred percent normal. And as much as it can be counterproductive, I believe whole heartedly that our subconscious tries to protect us from mistakes and blunders fueled by overconfidence and ego by delivering a healthy dose of "What in the hell am I doing/thinking!?" whenever we learn something new.

As far as your fire situation, a lot of that is organization and prioritization, two little skills that make a world of difference. I'll come back to that a bit more later.

I currently am doing my LPN to RN and it is hell. People are failing out and dropping out left and right. I didn't pass my skill demonstration today and I'm trouble with my instructor for something I didn't realize I was doing. I am barely slipping by with my grade in theory. I don't even know what that will do to my perfect GPA. And I don't think I am eligible anymore for a hospital scholarship which would ensure me a job if I pass the program. I look, act, and feel like a nervous wreck. I don't feel like a real nurse. I feel like a liability waiting to happen.

Yeah....school is rough. And although it is miserable to see others failing, I want you to pause for a moment and remember to focus on you. School is your time and it is about your success.

Now, let's talk a bit about the ugliness of a botched skill demonstration and more importantly, how to survive it:

Just breathe. No really.

Mourn, breathe, move on. In that order.

So what does that mean? It means go ahead and have your moment of angst and doubt. It wounds the ego something fierce to stumble along the path of a goal. But remember, the only time a stumble becomes an end game is when you refuse to get up. So go ahead--kick and flail in the mud. Yell every curse you know in every language you know it in. Binge eat Nutella and sing Sinead O'Connor in the dark. Embrace it for a little while. You'll feel better and more focused when it's time to get your head back in the game.

Breathe. Seriously. Literally. Find yourself a place where you can refocus on you and what is going on in the world of your goals. And this goes for more than just school. To be continued....

But on the topic of school, take the time to go back through the demonstration experience and recall at what point things got a bit bumpy. I'm sure your instructor provided an idea on where and why you didn't pass. Jot it down in a notebook or on you demonstration practice sheet so you don't forget. Now all you need do is take the time to practice, practice, practice before rocking the hell out of your repeat demo.

If you have a study group, ask them for help. Having a partner watch you as you practice you demonstration gives you another pair of eyes as well as the companionship that can make nursing school feel less desolate.

As far as instructor feedback, take it in stride. It's kinda nasty that this is a suddenly an issue when it seems like it hasn't been one. Do your best to graciously correct whatever was discussed and then just let it be. Keep in mind that there are personalities that will just never mesh. The goal is to be professional and deliver best care, not be the most popular.

The nerves will ease as time moves along. And for the record, I still don't feel like a real nurse some days and I've been at this for....let's just say awhile.

I work at a LTC job where I get so frustrated with administration because I feel like I'm being treated differently by my boss due to my age. I'm get so much backlash for trying to do the right thing and stay on top of things and find solutions and rectify problems.

Mmmm...LTC. I'm hoping that Viva comes along to chime in or one of our other fantastic LTC sisters/brothers in arms.

What I can tell you without ever having done LTC is merely this: Minimize the amount of extra baggage you attempt to carry. Keep yourself out of politics. Entirely. No matter how tempting or what is being said, minimize your mental clutter by keeping yourself focused on doing your job well and then going home.

Leave work at work. (Repeat three times and click heels together. Ruby slippers optional).

My mom lost her job. She is a nurse as well. I have to make her a resume and cover letter and help her job hunt.

Time out!

You seem like a caring, giving, giving, giving individual who would do anything to help the ones they love.

But your mother is an educated individual, is she not? Helping her by looking over her resume and cover letter is one thing....writing them is another entirely.

Step back and objectively look at what you wrote. Does this seem like a fair expectation to be placed on your shoulders? Without further details, I would tend to say no. Not even a little bit.

I barely ever see my friends, or my boyfriend. Anxiety attacks are a new thing of mine now.
I try to act strong, responsible, collected, confident and efficient, but I'm a giant fake.

And right here, my friend, is where we really get down to the nitty gritty of the situation:

Self-neglect.

Plain and simple and one of the biggest culprits amongst those in our line of work.

It seems to me in reading your post that you have been neglecting yourself, my friend, and that in and of itself can not only become a catalyst to a lot of the overwhelmed feelings you are experiencing but it is also worrisome.

I know that it is hard to work and go to school. Believe me, I know (Worked full time/attended school full time). And I reached the point you are at where heaven help me, it didn't matter how clear the sky, I still couldn't see the sun.

I want you to remember that in order for us to care for others, we must care for ourselves.

I want you to promise to work on a few things, okay?

1) Be kind to yourself. Stop beating yourself up for feeling nervous or anxious. Those are healthy feelings and responses to high pressure situations. Often times once we forgive ourselves for feeling something, it tends to be a bit less overwhelming. I want you to be sure you are eating properly, treating yourself because chocolate is YUMMY and yay for Serotonin!, and getting adequate sleep.

2) Take/Make time for you. Literally what it says on the tin. And when I say make time for you, I don't mean make time for you to clean your house/wash dishes/etc.

I mean make time for you to be quiet with yourself. Engage in a hobby that you enjoy, learn meditation, journal. Remember who you are and rediscover all the ways you have grown. It will give you a new focus and appreciation for yourself.

3) Nurture your relationships but in a practical sense. Yes, it is hard to have a significant other while juggling the world. But it can be done. Just be reasonable about it. Again, set aside time and set limits on expectations for now.

Taking care of yourself will give you the added boost of empowerment and focus to make you feel a bit less frayed.

Now, about that time issue:

Keep a day planner/calendar. It will help keep you on target and remind you of deadlines.

Take large projects in small bites.

And when it comes to time and prioritizing at work, if possible, watch how others with experience around you seem to handle their workload. Find a mentor to ask for pointers whether at work or here on the forums. It takes time and experience to build those two skills to a point where it no longer feels as if all you do is put out fires all day every day. And Allnurses has a wealth of individuals with boatloads of ideas and experience. Don't be afraid to reach out.

The worst thing they can tell you is "no".

I know this was crazy long, and I'm sorry to take up so much of your time but I wanted to talk to you a bit about what's going on.

You are a brilliant individual and I wish you nothing but the finest.

Kindest regards,

~~CheesePotato~~

P.S.

Yes, there are typos. They happen. I can barely feel my eyes right now. Too much coffee.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Jul 22, 2013

Wow.......CP covered it in detail, so there's really not much for me to add other than moral support. :yes:

LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN · Jul 22, 2013

What CP said. :yes:

stewartfamily2010 · Jul 23, 2013

Wow...CP. I'll be favoriting this post for future reference :)

aTOMicTom · Jul 24, 2013

Hi, "TheLiberation" (if that's REALLY your name:sarcastic:),

I have questions and suggestions.

Q: Are you doing online LPN-to-RN or brick-n-mortar? School?

I admire you and i hope to do this too.

S: You correctly say stress is a killer. I believe physical activity can counteract the deadly effects of stress. You should consider karate, and find a place that lets you get right into beating the crap out of someone. Seriously! You are lucky you're a girl. They will let you wail away on some black belt and he will laugh off your most powerful, stress-relieving blows! (They wear pads so you really cannot hurt them) if you can't afford it, ask if they will trade having a nurse there (forget the LPN versus RN, to them you are a medical god) for lessons. You cannot believe how liberating (I was going to use that word despite your nickname) hitting someone can be!

I took karate and my very favorite part was letting this cute black-belt-girl try to hurt me (I was a white belt, the very lowest, at the time). I did hit back and she said she enjoyed sparring with me. so obviously she was in love! :rolleyes:

You say you are working on your Mom's resume; that's nice of you. Having to bail out a parent is verrrry stressful, psychologically speaking. Make your mom work for it and remind her you are helping her. Ask her if she'd mind financing a dinner out for you and the BF in exchange for your excellent grammar. And you do have exceptionally good grammar. No mistakes in an emotional and long post on here is an A++ in my book!

Okay, I forgot about the Q & S format. Good luck, and it sounds like you are doing the right thing.

Good luck,

-Tom

aTOMicTom · Jul 24, 2013

When you work and go to school you just have to clench the old cheeks and grind your way through. It will be better soon.

Haha, I see English is not your native tongue. Or you learned English by watching HBO.

"Clench" is usually reserved for action in the digital or gluteal region. We do in fact "clench our teeth", but it involves the jawbone, not the cheeks - buttocks or facial.

To "Clench the old cheeks" evokes another region altogether!

Sorry, I just wanted to trot out the ol' EM after your post made me think of it. :sorry:

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Jul 24, 2013

Warning: Long !@#% post ahead. Skip if it bugs you. I regret nothing.
I am glad to hear you are not contemplating suicide as an answer to your current situation. I may not have much more than a listening ear and a reading eye, but I am here to chat if you wish.
If there was one thing I wish that could be sold in the grocer's freezer section, it would be Confidence from Concentrate. As you state at the end of your post, you know this will pass and for all things wonderful and tasty in this world, I wish I had something better to tell you other than the following:
What you are feeling is normal. Totally, perfectly, one hundred percent normal. And as much as it can be counterproductive, I believe whole heartedly that our subconscious tries to protect us from mistakes and blunders fueled by overconfidence and ego by delivering a healthy dose of "What in the hell am I doing/thinking!?" whenever we learn something new.
As far as your fire situation, a lot of that is organization and prioritization, two little skills that make a world of difference. I'll come back to that a bit more later.
Yeah....school is rough. And although it is miserable to see others failing, I want you to pause for a moment and remember to focus on you. School is your time and it is about your success.
Now, let's talk a bit about the ugliness of a botched skill demonstration and more importantly, how to survive it:
Just breathe. No really.
Mourn, breathe, move on. In that order.
So what does that mean? It means go ahead and have your moment of angst and doubt. It wounds the ego something fierce to stumble along the path of a goal. But remember, the only time a stumble becomes an end game is when you refuse to get up. So go ahead--kick and flail in the mud. Yell every curse you know in every language you know it in. Binge eat Nutella and sing Sinead O'Connor in the dark. Embrace it for a little while. You'll feel better and more focused when it's time to get your head back in the game.
Breathe. Seriously. Literally. Find yourself a place where you can refocus on you and what is going on in the world of your goals. And this goes for more than just school. To be continued....
But on the topic of school, take the time to go back through the demonstration experience and recall at what point things got a bit bumpy. I'm sure your instructor provided an idea on where and why you didn't pass. Jot it down in a notebook or on you demonstration practice sheet so you don't forget. Now all you need do is take the time to practice, practice, practice before rocking the hell out of your repeat demo.
If you have a study group, ask them for help. Having a partner watch you as you practice you demonstration gives you another pair of eyes as well as the companionship that can make nursing school feel less desolate.
As far as instructor feedback, take it in stride. It's kinda nasty that this is a suddenly an issue when it seems like it hasn't been one. Do your best to graciously correct whatever was discussed and then just let it be. Keep in mind that there are personalities that will just never mesh. The goal is to be professional and deliver best care, not be the most popular.
The nerves will ease as time moves along. And for the record, I still don't feel like a real nurse some days and I've been at this for....let's just say awhile.
Mmmm...LTC. I'm hoping that Viva comes along to chime in or one of our other fantastic LTC sisters/brothers in arms.
What I can tell you without ever having done LTC is merely this: Minimize the amount of extra baggage you attempt to carry. Keep yourself out of politics. Entirely. No matter how tempting or what is being said, minimize your mental clutter by keeping yourself focused on doing your job well and then going home.
Leave work at work. (Repeat three times and click heels together. Ruby slippers optional).
Time out!
You seem like a caring, giving, giving, giving individual who would do anything to help the ones they love.
But your mother is an educated individual, is she not? Helping her by looking over her resume and cover letter is one thing....writing them is another entirely.
Step back and objectively look at what you wrote. Does this seem like a fair expectation to be placed on your shoulders? Without further details, I would tend to say no. Not even a little bit.
And right here, my friend, is where we really get down to the nitty gritty of the situation:
Self-neglect.
Plain and simple and one of the biggest culprits amongst those in our line of work.
It seems to me in reading your post that you have been neglecting yourself, my friend, and that in and of itself can not only become a catalyst to a lot of the overwhelmed feelings you are experiencing but it is also worrisome.
I know that it is hard to work and go to school. Believe me, I know (Worked full time/attended school full time). And I reached the point you are at where heaven help me, it didn't matter how clear the sky, I still couldn't see the sun.
I want you to remember that in order for us to care for others, we must care for ourselves.
I want you to promise to work on a few things, okay?
1) Be kind to yourself. Stop beating yourself up for feeling nervous or anxious. Those are healthy feelings and responses to high pressure situations. Often times once we forgive ourselves for feeling something, it tends to be a bit less overwhelming. I want you to be sure you are eating properly, treating yourself because chocolate is YUMMY and yay for Serotonin!, and getting adequate sleep.
2) Take/Make time for you. Literally what it says on the tin. And when I say make time for you, I don't mean make time for you to clean your house/wash dishes/etc.
I mean make time for you to be quiet with yourself. Engage in a hobby that you enjoy, learn meditation, journal. Remember who you are and rediscover all the ways you have grown. It will give you a new focus and appreciation for yourself.
3) Nurture your relationships but in a practical sense. Yes, it is hard to have a significant other while juggling the world. But it can be done. Just be reasonable about it. Again, set aside time and set limits on expectations for now.
Taking care of yourself will give you the added boost of empowerment and focus to make you feel a bit less frayed.
Now, about that time issue:
Keep a day planner/calendar. It will help keep you on target and remind you of deadlines.
Take large projects in small bites.
And when it comes to time and prioritizing at work, if possible, watch how others with experience around you seem to handle their workload. Find a mentor to ask for pointers whether at work or here on the forums. It takes time and experience to build those two skills to a point where it no longer feels as if all you do is put out fires all day every day. And Allnurses has a wealth of individuals with boatloads of ideas and experience. Don't be afraid to reach out.
The worst thing they can tell you is "no".
I know this was crazy long, and I'm sorry to take up so much of your time but I wanted to talk to you a bit about what's going on.
You are a brilliant individual and I wish you nothing but the finest.
Kindest regards,
~~CheesePotato~~
P.S.
Yes, there are typos. They happen. I can barely feel my eyes right now. Too much coffee.

Hi Cheese!!!!

my response...to the op? DITTO!