Elders Say the Darnedest Things! - page 9

by VivaLasViejas Guide | 28,887 Views | 92 Comments

As anyone who's ever worked with the elderly knows, every care facility has its "characters": the curmudgeon, the hothouse flower, the Church Lady. And the best-kept secret in the business is the hilarity that ensues whenever one... Read More


  1. 2
    I love working with the elderly, whether in LTC or acute care. I love the stories that they tell and the "advice" that they give r/t their life experiences. Sometimes funny, sometimes sad. This isn't text book history, so many elders can you give you historical truths r/t to their experiences in life. I hope that as I grow older, and am considered "elderly," others may enjoy the history that I can provide them with. LOL, my 26 year old son does not know what an 8 track is. And...it seems to me that as people grow older, they tend to be more honest with their feelings and convictions and don't "bury their heads in the sand."
    nrsang97 and VivaLasViejas like this.
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    I have a LOL im entirely too attached to! she likes to sit in her geri-chair and yell HELP!!!! IM FALLING!!! IM DYING!!! to get attention. i used to go running to her every time when I first started, id say "margaret whats wrong" "oh nothing, here sit on my lap. im lonely" I learned that trick pretty quickly and learned to ignore it. One night i was walking by and she flipped me the bird! "margaret thats not very nice!" i said. "no no no, that means i love you!!" She knows my name and used to call it down the hallway during medpass, so we decided to teach her the CNA's name in case she needed help. the CNAS name happened to be Brandy. Well she started yelling "help!!! I need brandy! i need brandy!" the cna was on break so i went to see what was up and she told me "i know i need brandy. how much to i have to drink before i can get help!"
  3. 2
    I've told this story before, but it fits here. I had nursing students for their first clinical in a huge SNF, and since this was the third semester I was there, I had gotten to know a lot of the residents. My students were doing their first-year nursing assessments, and one of them asked me if she had to ask the questions about sexual history. I told her yes, she did, and she gulped and proceeded to the room. I lurked outside the room to listen in to her interviewing this 86-year-old bird with a twinkle in her eye. She got through the bulk of the history well, and then came to that last section... I wondered how she would handle it.

    "Mrs. Bird, can you tell me, how old does someone have to be before they don't think about sex?"

    Came the reply, "Honey, you'll have to ask someone older'n me!"

    I want to be that old lady.
    RNinIN and VivaLasViejas like this.
  4. 0
    Me too!
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    I don't work in LTC but still have taken care of some adorable geriatric patients. A few that come to mind:

    I was doing an admission history on a 92 year old man who was very HOH. As I (very loudly and about 6 inches from his ear) went through each body system and asked him if he had any problems he would loudly say, "No! Nothing wrong there!" (He did have some chronic conditions) When I got to hearing I obviously knew he had problems but couldn't resist to hear his assessment.

    Me (loudly): "Do you have any problems with your hearing, Mr. S.?"
    Him (loudly): "What?"
    Me: "Do you have any problems with your hearing?"
    Him: "What?"
    Me: "Do you have any problems with your hearing?"
    Him: "Oh! My hearing! No! Nothing wrong there!".

    The next night I caught that same patient standing outside of his room with his gown off, naked as a jaybird. He was obviously sun downing a bit. I approached him to direct him back into his room and he looks at me mischievously with a twinkle in his eye and says, "Hey, what do you think of this butt?", as he did a little jig. I will say his tiny little heinie was awfully cute :-)

    Then there's the sweat demented LOL that thanks me for everything and tells me constantly how beautiful I am. That is, until I have to start an IV on her. While doing the IV she yells at me saying, "What are you doing?!" (Of course I had explained it all in advance). "That hurts!" "Well, you're not very nice!" "I don't like YOU anymore." Fast forward 10 seconds...IV in, tourniquet unties and, boom, sweet smile returns..."Oh! Thank you, honey!" "Would you look at that!" (Looking at IV) "That's beautiful!" "You are so nice!" "You sure are pretty!" I want to snuggle little ladies like that! Can't get enough of them. ( I am female BTW, ha, ha and don't mean anything weird by that. They remind me of my sweet mom who passed away from complications due to Alzheimer's)

    Oh! I remember another! Had a 90 year old pt. recently who was very independent and completely alert and oriented. When I would knock on the door before entering his room (on a med/surg unit in the hospital), he would come to the door and open it for me and greet me and invite me in. When I was finished with what I had to do, he would walk me to the door and see me out. He did this for all the staff. He was just there for a few days for some tests but we all missed him when he was discharged. Such a classy gentleman!

    Sorry so long! I love geriatrics!
    SwansonRN, RNinIN, VivaLasViejas, and 1 other like this.
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    My grandma has Alzheimer's and said to my mom and dad one day in the car "You see that tree right there? It is dead and doesn't know it yet."

    She told the ER doc one night my mom, my aunt and I were triplets.

    She said Golytely would have been better with vodka in it. (She never has drank at all)

    She said that women take off their bras at hockey games and swing them in the air when the home team scores.

    She asks me if I have to go to work every day, and what shift I am working. The other night she asked me if I was going to pass dinner trays and I work midnights.

    Grandma has asked me who my parents were one night. She thought I was someone else. No idea who, but she was supposedly my aunt.
    Last edit by nrsang97 on Feb 7 : Reason: clarified.
    RNinIN and VivaLasViejas like this.
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    Had a 95 year old or who would slip in and out of orientation....He was asking when his parents would be there to pick him up one afternoon. Knowing he might be able to work his way back with a few questions I asked his age and got the correct answer...then I asked how old his parents are....that got a string of profanity towards me for being crazy enough to think his parents are still alive!

    After that he had a nice conversation about an upcoming football game .... gotta love it when it works!
    VivaLasViejas likes this.
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    I worked in LTC for almost 10 years, I work in a doctors office and finding it's really not my cup of tea. I miss my geriatric patients
    LTCNS and VivaLasViejas like this.
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    SO many stories!

    We loved Johnny. He was an old farmer who was thoroughly demented. He would wheel around slowly being busy. When asked what he was doing he'd tell you that he was doing some sort of farm work. "Cleaning the ditches". "Bringing in the hay". "Planting the wheat", "Fixing the truck."

    One day he had taken hold of another resident's walker. I gently backed him away as the gal growled at him in anger, pulling it back. "What is going on, Johnny?" I asked.
    "Well, I was loading up the sheep, but I guess that one is hers!" was his innocent reply!
    LTCNS, brillohead, and VivaLasViejas like this.
  10. 0
    Quote from nerdtonurse?
    One of my teachers told me this one, and it makes me giggle to this day. They had a little fella in their LTC who was sure he was still back on the farm, and would completely unravel if someone didn't "get the cows in" around sundown, and would try to go get the cows in, despite not being able to walk, not being on a farm, etc. So, everyday, someone would go out one door when he started worrying about the cows, saying, "don't worry, I'll go get them in for the night." And they had to go out one door and come in another for this to work.

    Well, they had a two new nurses one night, and one tried to "reorient" the poor guy, and upset him to no end. So, the other new nurse, who was rapidly clued in as to what needed to be done, said, "don't worry, I'll go get them in" and takes off out the door. The guy sits there in his wheelchair, cussing "that fool woman, don't know them cows'll git into mischief if they're out all night..." So the second nurse comes back in, breathless from running from one door to the other, and said, "Okay, Mr. Smith, there's a bunch of gurnseys in the barn."

    The guy went completely nuts and started screaming, "You fool, we ain't got gurnseys, you stole somebody's else's cows!" and nothing would calm him. Each nurse, aide and janitor in the place went out in turn, guessing red cows, black cows, spotted cows, and never getting it right, and the poor resident's getting more and more upset. Finally, the charge nurse came on the scene, and said, "Mr. Smith, you stop messing with these girls, you know I get your cows in every night, and they're all just fine." For some reason, that worked, and he settled down, until he looked at the first nurse and said, "How many cows are out there?"

    My teacher said the poor thing looked like she was going to cry. Welcome to the world of dementia....the charge nurse said, "all of them" and a second crisis was stopped in its tracts.

    I've always remembered that with dementia patients -- if you've got to tell them something, keep the story the same, AND DON'T ADD TO IT.
    LOL-what a hilarious story. Yes dementia patients can be interesting,


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