So I am in my second semester junior year in my BSN program. This is my second degree, so I spent a year taking a few prerequisites part-time before getting accepted into this program. It's one of the top ranked programs in the nation and part of me feels terrible that I took a spot that some other person would have loved to have had. My first semester was challenging and terrifying but I wound up with a 3.5 and did pretty well. I got a student nursing position over the summer and it completely rocked my confidence. I didn't feel ready for 8 patients of my own after only having 4 clinical days my first semester. I wound up leaving the job about a month in because I was so unhappy. I went back this semester and my Adult Health Med/Surg class and clinical just has me wrecked. I have never hated my life so much. I have yet to find one redeeming thing about nursing. I'm waiting for that moment of awakening where I say this is why I did this. It has not come. I have no desire to study, I feel defeated. Most of all I don't feel like this is me. College my first time around was a challenge and annoying, but I never hated it to this level. I am crying every night (and I am not a person who cries...ever!). My heart rate is out of this world, I have an ulcer, and I can't function. I know I am depressed. I am just a wreck. The weirdest thing of all is that all this time I never really saw myself in the future being a nurse. I thought it would be nice, but as I planned my life in my head, I never saw myself being a nurse. I went into this hoping to make good enough money, help my family and have the skills to be able to care for my parents in home when they age. I didn't do it because I love nursing. I love animals and the outdoors. My goal is to move to North Carolina in May of 2014 with my sister at a brewery that is opening there. I have my CNA and now I am thinking of quitting school and working full time as a home care CNA. Make money instead of pour it all into school doing something I'm not even sure I will actually do in life and if I do I may hate it. I had a decent amount of aid through this semester, so I haven't broken the bank paying for school so far and don't have any debt. However, my grants end this semester so I will have to pay a lot more for my last two semesters (especially since I plan to move and cannot take advantage of the preceptorship programs since I have to committ time to the local hospital after graduation). I feel quitting is right for me, but I also have doubts. Have I wasted my time? So many people have supported me in this and I hate to let them down. Will I be able to support myself doing something else? I havenever quit anything in my life, but I've also never been so unhappy. Any advice?
