Please help me understand scheduling/convincing Hubby!?!?!?

krenee · Oct 16, 2007

Well, I know you're probably going to do what you want to do, but since you asked for opinions . . . I'd wait on nursing school. I assume you're pretty young since you have a 1 year old. In my program they don't recommend you work more than 20 hours per week, and I am doing academically far better than those who are working, even part time. A 1 year old alone is practically a full time job, so that would be hard even without working. I stayed home with my kids and waited until my daughter was in first grade and I'm not sorry. I can still work for 20 years if I want to, and that seems long enough!

Kelly

Kitty Hawk, ADN, RN · Oct 16, 2007

To the OP

"MORE" may be what your DH will need to adjust to. Everyone is different, but I seriously thought I could at least handle 2 of the weekday dinners...not! I do NOTHING around the house my DH/son do everything and without complaint....so I'd say I'm blessed and very grateful there.

I worked full time (40hrs) while doing some of my prereqs and maintaining a house etc...and still got great grades. Now my prime focus is just school (quit my job) and it absolutely blows my mind that my only "job" is to study and I've dropped to high B's!!! I'm learning to live with it b/c DH and I still have somewhat of a life and on the weekend I split that for family (fri/sat night for us the rest is studying) or I'd go insane!

I def recommend doing ALL the prereqs in advance even if it takes longer. I thought the way our school was structured that everyone was taking the exact same classes (hosp affiliated to a Uni) so I wasn't too concerned, now I constantly hear ppl that just have the nursing core classes that they could never juggle A and P or micro, etc... and maintain passing grades, but I'm determined...I have 2 co reqs with nursing the whole way through, so I'd def recommend to avoid that route

My point though is the few that are still working and just have the nursing classes are struggling more some are barely passing and we're just in the first semester.

It's intense...I spent about 2 years prior to school coming onto this site and gathering info so I'd know what I was getting myself into, it greatly helped..but really nothing prepares you until you're really in there doing it...I heard a hundred ppl say nursing school is difficult but doable but you have no idea how difficult until you are there. It's also very true that there will be times/days when you wonder why you are doing this, it's really hard to explain. The few that don't experience the highs and lows like that are just that...the few ( and I don't know of anyone and I'm in a class of 80 )

Another sad note, we have 2 that are going through a divorce b/c of the strain of nursing school...sooooo it takes really special men if you are married/involved to really understand what this takes....I just want you to see some of the other perspectives out there. Don't get me wrong...I'm not trying to be negative it's just I remember thinking the "Oh, it'll be rough but I know that, I can handle it etc...." It's STILL an adjustment no matter how prepared, but my clinical instructor said it best...this is all about perserverence and how much you want it.

GL HTH

futurecnm · Oct 16, 2007

I am going to be totally honest and say that if you have to work full time that it will be VERY hard to go to nursing school and have any family life at all. I do not work but have 2 kids (kindergarten and 2nd grade) and I still do not feel like I see my family enough. I am in a community college program where I go 2 nights a week and every other weekend I have clinicals. I did all my prereqs before I got into nursing school so I just have nursing classes. It has taken me about 4 years total going part time to school (now full time with nursing school). There are people who do work full time or close to it in my class, but they never sleep, never see their kids if they have any, and they either have a really supportive husband or their marriage is really stressed. I can't say I blame your husband as it will totally change his life, and he will end up doing most of the child rearing and house work and everything else. It is very hard to keep up with things around the house when you are in nursing school. I have to say I cannot imagine working and going to school. I know it can be done and I think people can do anything they set their mind to. That being said, make sure it is your passion and you have to set your mind to doing it whatever it takes. Make sure the sacrifice is worth it. I personally would wait until your child is in school before going back. YOu will miss so much if you go when they are this small. You will get a lot of different advice and no one knows your family more than you do. You will need total support from your husband or else it will strain your marriage more than you can imagine. Nursing school is the hardest thing I have ever done. I have 7 months left and I am so looking forward to being done. It has challenged me in ways I never imagined and I know I will be better for it, but it WAY harder than I thought it would be.

Kathyz · Oct 16, 2007

Nursing school is very difficult, even if your pre-reqs are done. Tests are much different than normal classes, case studies are due, there's always readings to be done. I'm fortunate I don't have to work, have a son who is 17 (w/ a car) and a DH who is very supportive. However, just doing the laundry, ironing, paying the bills, picking up the house, grocery shopping, cooking, etc., is hard enough w/out full-time work. I couldn't image having a one year old. I'm 39 so I may have a different perspective on things. So many people get kicked out each semester that it's best to jump in w/ 2 feet and as little distraction as possible.

Good luck w/ your decision!

DaFreak71 · Oct 16, 2007

Maybe your husband needs to adopt a long term vision of what your lives will be like once you graduate nursing school. Probably 12 hour shifts to start, maybe mandatory overtime (not the case at all hospitals). I am not sure, but I think that as a new grad it's hard to get a 9-5 job in a doctors office, usually they want some experience under your belt. So what I'm saying is that even when you graduate, you are probably still looking at less than optimal schedule. Also, in our area, it's hard to get day shifts because so many people want them. So that might put you working a night shift (7p-7a). Even under those conditions it would be hard to spend quality time with the kiddies and your husband.

Personally, there is no way in heck I could handle kids and full time job while going through nursing school. The sheer volume of the material alone is enough to keep a person busy most waking hours of the day. I get excellent grades, but I don't have kids or a job. I do have a husband who is a nurse so he understands how challenging the program is for me.

You're going to need all the support you can get. Several of my classmates work while going to nursing school, but they don't have kids. The ones who have kids usually do not work, and if they do, it's nothing close to full time. At the very least, I would suggest that you take a part time job as a CNA while in nursing school because then you'd be killing two birds with one stone...still bringing home some money, plus learning on the job.

The program I attend is at a junior college (ADN). There is a daycare on site for students who attend the school because they have a child care major. Does your local school have one? If so, it is often much cheaper than regular day care (and very safe because the students are supervised by instructors, etc). I know someone who uses this service in my nursing program and she was able to get a voucher for it due to her low income status. Just something to think about.

Do you have any other family that can help, perhaps a mother-in-law who can drive kids to school, help with errands, cook some meals and freeze them for you?

My husband and I cook several meals during the weekend, then freeze them in individual servings. During the week all we have to do is microwave them and dinner is served! Just another time saving tip.

If in the end, he's still being hesitant...you do what you got to do. If you're dead set on nursing school it's gonna be a rough road without support from your husband. As far as convincing...he either wants you to pursue your goal of becoming a nurse and is willing to pick up the slack, or he doesn't.

I am sad to report that we had quite a few students in my class who ended up getting divorced for this very reason. Spouse was resentful of how many hours were devoted to studying, chores being put off, not enough free time with spouse, etc. He needs to WELL INFORMED of the scheduling demands of nursing school ahead of time so that there are no surprises while your in school.

Best of luck, sounds like he needs to step up and be a man (willing to take on extra chores, respect your study schedule, etc). It's not like you're going off to study floral arranging after all. Nursing is important and requires A LOT of effort and concentration.

Natkat, BSN, MSN, RN · Oct 17, 2007

Good luck, and I mean seriously.

Every day in school I talk to classmates whose marriages/relationships are hanging by a thread because the partner can't back off about demanding more time and attention. And it's not just men!

Last summer when I was taking extra classes to earn my LVN, the wife of one of my classmates showed up to join him for lunch. She started mouthing off about how he never does anything around the house and won't spend time with the family, and he better not think he's just going to sit and study all weekend. Oh no! They were going to have family time.

I wanted to stand up and slap her!

The next week the wife and kid were out of town and the guy came to class prepared, had his homework done for the first time, and got an A on the test that week. I really felt for the guy. It was bad enough that he was trying to get through nursing school, but he worked full time so his big-mouth of a wife could stay home.

Just last week another classmate told me that "the better I do in nursing school, the more my wife and I fight."

It's sad. Really sad. I don't know the solution. Unless someone is a nursing student they really don't understand how demanding it is.

WDWpixieRN, RN · Oct 17, 2007

Let me give you a little perspective from a 50-something y/o nursing student....

First, I'm guessing you're in your 20's, which means you do have LOTS of time to accomplish this dream. It's not an all-or-nothing proposition at this point in your life.

Second, unless you already have a ton of college credits or a previous degree, you will seriously want to complete all the prereqs and coreqs you can prior to starting NS. This can be done very part-time, in the evenings while you and your spouse still have a life. Yes, it will take some time, but if you're young and your child is young and you anticipate having more children, this is a good thing. It will make your life and time in nursing school much easier and less stressful. The majority of your classmates will most probably have done this; you don't want to be the one or two who still has to complete A&P or micro or whatever and have those classes be the tripping point to succeeding. And because these costs are fairly minimal, you can start saving a little money here and there for the possibility that you will have to cut your hours. If it take 2+ years, it won't break the bank for you to do this. Additionally, you can start keeping your eyes open for positions in hospitals. Many pay well above the minimum wage for tech/CNA and even secretary positions. Then your employer can assist greatly with tuition costs and they are usually terrific about working around school schedules.

Third, I would sit down with your husband and figure out some long-range goals for you, your marriage, and your job aspirations. What is the potential for growth, flexibility, and salary for your current position? If you are young, you could potentially be employed for 40+ years. Is this something you can see yourself doing until retirement? Will you be able to work part-time, nights, weekends, whatever suits your family situation at a whim? Are you paid for overtime? Have good benefits? Feel respected?

Nursing will ultimately offer many possibilities that being in an office often doesn't (I know, I just left the business world). You will eventually be able to make a very respectable salary, working full-time doing 3-12 hour shifts, 4-10 hour shifts, 5-8 hour shifts, or working part-time depending on what your interests are in this field. You can eventually work as a school nurse and have the same schedule as your children, or in a physicians' office and have the same hours as your husband, or work as few hours prn as you want in a hospital setting. Does your husband's career potentially involve job transfers to other areas? With nursing, you will be able to easily find work wherever he goes; well-paying, flexible, enriching work. You will have a career that will enable to call your own shots for the most part.

In addition, something I am VERY big on keeping in mind, is that regardless of the fact that you are the woman in this relationship, there are never any guarantees that you won't be called on to be the main breadwinner. Either through divorce, or injury to your husband or worse, doesn't he want you to be able to stand on your own and provide for your child/children? And possibly even him if the need be?!?!?! Will an office manager's salary do that for you, even years down the line? If you're laid off, how quickly will you be able to find comparable work?

Sometimes we get so caught up in the here and now, that we don't think about years down the road. I know. I stayed home or worked part-time while my kids were young. In the meantime, my husband basically took care of us, but lived in "today". Now, nearing our retirement years, we don't have anywhere near what we will need to take care of ourselves 10, 20 years down the line. I started on this nursing school path while our youngest was in high school and am now in my 3rd semester of an ADN program. I could kick myself for not doing this sooner. My husband still lives for today and has let me know that once I start working, we can start socking that money away for our retirement. Hmmmm....we'll see....

My point is, you've got a lot of life in front of you....take advantage of this dream you have and work on making it come true. Contact your local colleges, see what needs to be accomplished before you even hit that nursing school/clinicals problem and start hacking away at that. Open this dialog with your husband so that maybe he can see where this eventually rewards both of you and your family emotionally, time, and salary-wise.

I wish you the best!!