instructor says nursing is not for me..

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First of all I apologize for the long post!!

So I passed my first semester with good grades. (mostly A's with B being the lowest) The clinical teacher in our first semester said my skills are better than most people's, I just lack self-confidence, that I am going to be a good nurse.

It is now second semester and we are doing our clinical at retirement residence. I participate in group discussions, and for our presentation to the residents, I spent the greatest amount of time and took the biggest part of it (I was actually interested in the topic and wanted to give residents the most useful and interesting information). My marks in other subjects are also very good.

Yesturday I learned that our coordinator of the program wants to talk to me. I had no idea what it would be about, and so i was slightly nervous. It turned out I was nervous for a reason. The coordinator said that the clinical instructructor is very concerned with the way I act in clinical, and that at the moment I am failing it.

Her reasons are that I do not "mingle" with residents, for instance I do not talk to them in the mourning and afternoon. That she constantly has to encourage me to talk to residents (I remember she mentioned it once, in a matter of fact way, and I asked her what I should talk to them about), ..That I do not know how to talk to people at all (instructor told my coordinator that "I actually once asked her if I should invite the patient to get his blood pressure taken when we were doing the blood pressure clinic!").

I do realise that the two things that I said were kind of silly, but I did not realise that that would put me on a contract, and would mean that nursing is not for me (the coordinator said that), since the clinical instructor never showed any signs of being upset and never told me anything about .. well.. anything.. Whenever she talked to me she was always smiling, not a hint that there was anything wrong. And now the coordinator telling me that I should probably switch from nursing, that she is questioning if nursing is for me, that I am on the point of failing, and if I don't change a 100% i will fail. I also mentioned something about psychiatric nursing, and she said I won't be able to do that since I don't know how to talk to people.

It is true that I am a bit shy, and unless a conversation has purpose and direction to it it is hard for me to know what to say.. (to make a small talk about nothing in particular in other words).. But is being outgoing really the most important thing in nursing?

I am polite, and sensitive to other people, as well I have great interest and knowledge in the areas of nursing i am interested in which I am willing to apply to help patients.. And as i said I do not have a problem obtaining specific information, if the conversation has some sort of purpose.. The instructor said however that no patient will let me do a procedure or give me any information unless I first build a "trusting relationship" with him/her.

So my question is--Is small talk essnetial for nursing?? ( i mean, I always introduce myself, I am always polite and I always ask patients how they are and all that, I just find it kind of awkward and even sometimes inappropriate (just for myself) to ask them questions about their life, their family, their health, if there is no specific reason for asking such questions.. Efficiency, rationality, reasonability, logic and relevancy are all the core aspects of my personality which will be hard to change.

So to sum this up--I am bad at small talk, and at converations without purpose and/or specific direction, should I be a nurse, or is my coordinator right?

Specializes in Critical Care.

i just read a great book on how introverts (me) work, and you say you don't like "small talk", which could mean pointless conversation to pass time.

If you are an introvert, and you are not the life of the party, it is not that you do not like talking to people, but, as an introvert, you value another kind of conversation. Not pointless "small talk" but conversation that goes somewhere, that is about important things in life, and what is important to you and the other person.

While you may view the chatting as pointless small talk, it will often turn into something meaningful, and you will learn more from strangers than you thought you would. Try to view the small talk in this light, and you may be surprised at how small talk with a stranger can be the best part of your day.

Specializes in Psychiatric Nursing.

This is a really good thread. I think small talk--safe chatting--is a way to build rapport--trust-- and gives the foundation for deeper connection.. Thanks for the discussion..

Look up "Myers Briggs personality tests" and take a free one online or get a book from your library. It will help you understand yourself better and get tips for dealing with other personality types. It's not bad to be introverted, but you have to be able to do your best in your class and as a nurse.

Specializes in hospice.

What school do you go to? Remind me to stay away from it. It sounds like your coordinator is on a power trip and gets her jollies by having an impact (good or otherwise) on other people's lives.

Yes, you do have to get over your shyness to a certain degree to engane with patients. It's a skill it can be learned. You are in school to learn. So why would they put you on a contract because of a personality trait like shyness. They should be helping you learn to overcome your shyness.

This makes me really mad. You are paying these people to teach you. They should be teaching and providing CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, not predicting failure based on your inherent personality traits. They should start from the idea that everyone who choses to learn nursing deserves the tools and support to be able to succeed. If they don't believe that they shouldn't be educators.

The suggestion to read the book is a good one. A little role playing might help, and volunteering to assist with activities at a nursing home might help as well. You need practice talking to people you don't know. The only way you're going to learn to do it is to put yourself in situations where you have to do it. But to put you on a contract because you haven't demonstrated a gregarious personality in clinicals is bordering on abuse IMHO.

Specializes in LTAC, ICU, ER, Informatics.

I am a screaming introvert, and generally don't like approaching strangers to talk to them, or being forced to make "small talk". There are many people in my life who think I'm insane for going into nursing because I notoriously "don't like people".

However, I actually do very well in interacting with people. I understand that when they interact with nurses, very likely whatever is going on with them is one of the most trying times in their lives. I have a lot of pre-prepared questions that generally get the patient to open up and talk about what's going on with them, and while it took some practice in the beginning, I am getting pretty good at it after 3+ semesters in nursing school.

I am better suited tempermentally to emergency room nursing (where I want to be) than floor nursing, because there's a much shorter window of interaction. But I can "turn on" the "chatty Kathy" when I need to, it just takes more effort.

You definitely are going to need to learn the skill, as well as how to tell when NOT to use it (some people just don't like to chat, they want you to get down to business). It's unfortunate that your instructor and the dean didn't approach this in a way likely to help you get over this. Just know that you CAN, and take some of the great advice that's been given here about how. And remember that there are nursing areas where your laconic style will be a benefit once you make it through nursing school!!

OP, are you , perhaps, on the asperger's continuum?

I think it's pretty crazy that your instructor didn't do more in the way of helping you with your "issue" before speaking with the coordinator. I am in nursing school right now, and I am sure that any of the instructors that I have had, if I had an issue, they would have come to me first and really tried to see what could help me work through it. I don't like small talk either. I work with the geriatric population, so it is much easier for me to make conversation with them, but adults and kids, not so much. I've been through fundamentals, med/surg, OB, peds, and now psych. The only rotation so far that they have really stressed talking a lot with your patient is psych. I've noticed in the clinical setting, that a lot of times, the nurse doesn't really make a whole lot of small talk, only enough to build rapport, and get what they need for an assessment.

You're only in your second semester. You are going to learn a ton more of who you are, what makes you comfortable, uncomfortable, and ways to get through the uncomfortable-ness. You're going to develop the skills you need!

Specializes in Geriatrics, Hospice, Palliative Care.

Like most other posters have said, a nurse does need to be able to communicate, and chit chat is a great way of breaking the ice. I used to really stink at it, but listened to others do it and forced myself to borrow some of their "lines" and then developed my own style. It was hard to do, but now I've got it down.

I really feel for you though - it sounds as if your instructor blindsided; not much left to do except try to improve, and rise above it.

Good luck! You *can* do it

Specializes in ER.

What has nursing come to? Your failing clinical cause you can't "chit-chat" with patients and they don't think you will make a good nurse. Amazing, if you had multiple drug errors, always late, never prepared then I could see the issue but cause you don't MINGLE, REALLY?? WTH?? And to base it on one clinical instrutor is even more ridiculous. It takes time to develop the confidence to walk up to a complete stranger, that is half naked and at their most vulnerable point in life, and discuss their history with them......and that time is called NURSING SCHOOL. I would never expect a 2nd semester nursing student to have the same level of comfort as I do and that is why your instructor is there, to encourage and foster that confidence.

Discuss things with your Student Adviser.

These nursing schools really scare me now days. To me this is a completely non-issue but what do I know as a 20 year ER nurse?

Well, you are in nursing school. This is where you learn how to be a good nurse. The conversation with patients can improve, so I don't know why the clinical instructor would say that you would fail because of this. Speaking with patients will get easier and you can use it as part of your assessment. Try talking about the patients history of health, family members, grandchildren, weather. Just don't talk about yourself too much. Some nurses talk about themselves way too much add nauseum and this is about the patient not about them.

You have to be able to talk to with people.

I know, I share your pain.

I've been a nurse for 7 years and I still have to make a conscious effort to make "small talk". I'm an introvert so being chatty is not one of my strong points.

Just remember, as a nurse, you are sort of a salesman. You're selling trust. You need to prove to the patient that you are worthy of putting their well being in to your hands. Right or wrong, first impressions are everything.

So the questions remains, are you willing to make changes? Ask the questions needed to be asked regardless of your feelings about them and collect the data that's part of your job. Making people feel comfortable around you that also happens to be your responsibility.

If the answer is no, then please, you have a different calling other than the nursing field.

Specializes in ED, OR, SAF, Corrections.
What I am telling you is hang in there and dont let one instructor discourage you from doing something that you want to do. Some instructors just have sometimes of personal issues with people and they can not look past it.

I agree. Almost 30 years ago I was told by one of the nursing instructors (at the school I ended up enrolling in) during a nursing orientation for PROSPECTIVE students, that she didn't think me and nursing were a 'good fit'. How this ridiculous woman determined this after a 30 minute question and answer session about the program I have no idea - I can't even recall asking a question. Back then I was still quite young and very shy, so I honestly have no idea what set her against me. She actually asked me to stay behind to offer me that bit of helpful advice.

I guess there are just some people who like to think they are judge and authority and use whatever power they possess to weed-out those they deem undesirable - for whatever petty reasons they have. Thank God I didn't let her or anyone else stop me. I am an excellent nurse with strong clinical skills and sound judgement. I'm not a 'small-talker' either, but that hasn't stopped me from developing repoire with my patients in my way.

If you this is what you want and your grades and progress thus far have been good, I hope you won't let this person dissuade you or prevent you from going over her head if you have to. I will never understand some people's judgemental little power trips. Good Luck.

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