I had a emotional breakdown in class today....

  1. Well today was a very hard day for me....
    Today we talked about the death process and I litteraly brokedown in front of my WHOLE class! I knew it would be hard for me but I NEVER guessed it would of been as hard for me as it was.

    My Gram passed away right before X-mas and I DID NOT deal with the situation when it happen. I put it deep down inside me and "moved forward" I was in the state of mind that I had to be strong and if I let myself go everything would fall down around me. I tried to tell myself when it happen that it was ok and I could NOT be sad because she was older and it was her time so I keep telling myself that I had NO right to be sad. My Gram lived with my family my whole childhood(and till her death still lived with my Mom) she was like a 2nd mother to me. When my Mom called and told me she had passed I sat there in shock not even crying till days later(which I feel like a piece of sh*t for!) I thought I had dealt with it and even to my very close friends & family were almost shocked because I didnt really want to talk about it(I am a very talkative person!)

    Well then today it happen I dealt with it ALL infront of about 25 people! As our teacher was talking I started to tear up(which I was able to "somewhat" hide) then I full on started balling my eyes out like a crazy women! THEN I am not able to stop....there is part of me that wants to run to the bathroom but I COULD NOT GET UP! I felt as was numb and if I got up I would fall down!

    I cried on the way home from school to & when I got home I slept like a baby for 5hrs I was still such a emotional wreck.

    BUT I feel better about the whole situation now...NO I wish I hadnt brokedown in class infront of everyone but it needed to be done and I will say I feel like I crossed a bridge for my Gram's death today
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  2. 18 Comments

  3. by   KellNY
    So cathartic, isn't it? I know it sounds mean, but it's a good thing this happened. Holding on to those feelings, or just pushing them away is dangerous.

    Sorry about your gram though.
  4. by   Coloradogrl
    No, I completely agree. I was holding it in to the point that it was breaking me. I dont think it is good to push things down & this experience is exactly WHY!

    Its funny how are bodies work even when we try to convience it to do others things.
  5. by   Soup Turtle
    I am sorry for your loss. I'm glad you were able to get some of the feelings out.

  6. by   Kymmi
    Im sorry to hear about your loss. I think we all deal with our grief in our own timeframe. I just posted my own thread regarding the death of one of my best friends before I read your thread. I read your thread right after posting mine and your thread made me cry. I think it was because it made me realize that no matter who we are someone else in this world is also dealing with loss.
    Good Luck with the rest of your school and remember all the great times you had with your gram and remember no matter where she is now she is watching you and will be very proud of you in your new career. Thats how I feel about the friend I just lost. I know that she is watching over me and will continue to be there for me (in my mind) ready to give me signs as to what I should do (she was very good at giving me advice and also supporting me when I needed encouragement and also when I needed a good swift kick in the butt)!
  7. by   chelli73
    Let it all out. I knew of a couple students who had to get up and walk out of class when we went over death and grieving. Also one woman who had an emotional outburst during peds when we discussed abuse. No one thought any less of her, if anything people tried to comfort her. Don't be ashamed. Grandmothers are one of the best people in the world. Continued success in school. Prayers for you and your family.
  8. by   LovebugLPN
    My father died suddenly towards the end of nursing school. I found out at 1 AM and went to school in the morning to take a test. I explained I would need a day off to attend the funeral. I did not cry until one of the instructors asked me why I was in school that day. The reason I am telling you this is because after reading your post I cried. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. Thank you.
  9. by   martin1373
    I have to agree with chilli73. I've seen many emotional breakdowns by students. I thought no less of them, just empathy and compassion which is a huge part of being a good nurse. Im glad you let it out you need room to concentrate on your nursing process! haha remember what you said about how our bodies work even when we try to convience it to do otherwise thats a very important statement. Its true in so many ways. Good luck with the rest of your journey its gonna be trying sometimes but one day at a time will get you there!
  10. by   WDWpixieRN
    We all deal with grief in different ways and understanding that will hopefully help you feel better. I don't think that rationalizing that your grandmother was older or whatever should make your feelings of loss any less than anyone else's. They're YOUR feelings to deal with as they occur.

    My mother passed away in her sleep last March very unexpectedly; she had just turned 69 and hadn't been really ill a day in her life. When I got the phone call, I just wanted to curl up and not ever get up again.

    For many months, I wasn't sure how I'd go on without just losing it when a song came on or a subject came up in school or whatever. But I find it's getting easier -- not easy -- just easier. The hardest part is when the emotions bubble up when you're least expecting it. (Did you watch Grey's this week or last?!?! Oh, man, did I have swollen eyes the next morning!)

    Give yourself permission to be human -- a very caring human. Have you read any books on losing someone you love? There's some great ones that friends bought me -- I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye, or Grieving the Death of Mother (since she lived with you, it sounds like it was a very close relationship), etc....

    My thoughts are with you....
  11. by   Tweety
    Sometimes you just have to cry, not matter when or where. Hugs.
  12. by   shellsgogreen
    My prayers are also with you :icon_hug:
  13. by   shippoRN
    Quote from Coloradogrl
    Well today was a very hard day for me....
    Today we talked about the death process and I litteraly brokedown in front of my WHOLE class! I knew it would be hard for me but I NEVER guessed it would of been as hard for me as it was.

    My Gram passed away right before X-mas and I DID NOT deal with the situation when it happen. I put it deep down inside me and "moved forward" I was in the state of mind that I had to be strong and if I let myself go everything would fall down around me. I tried to tell myself when it happen that it was ok and I could NOT be sad because she was older and it was her time so I keep telling myself that I had NO right to be sad. My Gram lived with my family my whole childhood(and till her death still lived with my Mom) she was like a 2nd mother to me. When my Mom called and told me she had passed I sat there in shock not even crying till days later(which I feel like a piece of sh*t for!) I thought I had dealt with it and even to my very close friends & family were almost shocked because I didnt really want to talk about it(I am a very talkative person!)

    Well then today it happen I dealt with it ALL infront of about 25 people! As our teacher was talking I started to tear up(which I was able to "somewhat" hide) then I full on started balling my eyes out like a crazy women! THEN I am not able to stop....there is part of me that wants to run to the bathroom but I COULD NOT GET UP! I felt as was numb and if I got up I would fall down!

    I cried on the way home from school to & when I got home I slept like a baby for 5hrs I was still such a emotional wreck.

    BUT I feel better about the whole situation now...NO I wish I hadnt brokedown in class infront of everyone but it needed to be done and I will say I feel like I crossed a bridge for my Gram's death today
    I am so very sorry for your lost. My gran passed too, and its been 6 yrs and its still a hard pill to swallow. I know exactly how you feel, and maybe you needed to just get it out, cause you kept it in so long. Your grandma is always with you no matter what, she is an angel protecting you. You will be ok.
  14. by   nurseangel47
    Sorry for your loss. It sounds as though you had an extraordinary relationship with your grandmother. Good for you in reaching the personal emotional point of being able to let it out. Yes, as one post said, VERY cathartic...the reason for the long sleep after crying. :angel2:

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