I feel like a loner sometimes.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Aug 18, 2013

As we get older, the process of forming friendships with other adults becomes more complex. When we were children, we could approach another child and ask "Would you be my friend?" without seeming like a weirdo.

However, to make friends and build a tight social circle as an adult, you must clearly express your interest in getting to know other adults. If you display interest in other peoples' social calendars, this indicates to them that you will accept any invitations they might offer. This indicates that you are open to friendship with them.

On the other hand, people will not bond with you or willingly become your friend if they perceive you are not interested in them as a person. They will remain an acquaintance, but will never become a friend with whom you can socialize outside of school.

In other words, the suggestion to "let's hang sometimes" is of the utmost importance in showing a social interest in people and signaling that you may wish to befriend them. To avoid becoming a permanent adult loner, it is imperative that you show your openness to making friends in certain places (school, work, etc.).

StudentOfHealing · Aug 18, 2013

The social agenda makes so much sense. I'm surrounded by nearly all 30+ adults. I can't even legally drink yet! It seems a night at the sports bar/home having drinks or a club night is what many do, and my age really restricts me so I don't ask much... I know I cannot yet participate. I swear most bars don't even allow me, unless I'm 21. This makes a lot of sense now, the social calendar/agenda. I don't have children and I don't have a spouse to bring along... I can't even legally wed in my state---joy.

It was a lot easier to make friendships outside of school when everyone was around my age. There's only one other person around my age, they feel the same way I do. They live so very far away, we mostly hang out after school/lectures, not on weekends though.

I turn 21 this fall. I'm hoping this helps. It's funny that some people who haven't reached 21 are very responsible and would be okay drinking and some are 21+ and shouldn't be one foot in distance from alcohol. Hehe.

swansonplace · Aug 18, 2013

Every person is unique. So with that, it's a trick to build that life that is unique to you. A life that would just tickle you pink, be it with many friends, social acquaintances, a great career, etc.

So, school gives one a safe environment to try different items like nursing clubs, honor student clubs, working alone, working in small groups, dating, etc, and all while setting up a career.

I can't say there is one right answer for everyone because there is not. The trick is to find and build that environment that works for you.

Trauma Columnist · Aug 18, 2013

Agree with above poster: everyone is unique and who you are at 20 is not the same person you will necessarily be at 30, 40, and beyond.

Good luck....

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Aug 18, 2013

I too was a bright one....I graduated nursing school when I was 18......ADN. (this was when the hospital schools were closing) I found it hard to party with folks my own age...we had nothing in common. I am very "social" and have plenty of "friends" but I stuck pretty close to home. While I had fun....I was never the big frat party girl or sorority chick. I have a few close friends not a ton of acquaintances on FB.

I had a great career where independence is a requirement in critical care and flight nursing/emergency care and didn't get married until I was 36-37. I found horses as a passion and found a Victorian murder "whodunnit" mystery club that did steam train excursions in the old Pullman cars in Victorian garb...it was sometimes nice to be killed just to retire the corset and party in the caboose with the rest of the stiffs..... I had a blast!

I am 50 mumble, mumble...with a junior and senior in high school. My hubby is a saint and had puberty and menopause in the same household..my daughter and I survived....

You will come into your own....((HUGS))

smoup · Aug 18, 2013

OP, I can definitely relate. I didn't have a drivers license in high school and lived too far away to go do anything on the weekends with anyone from school, not that I was ever invited. I was always the "brainy one" and never really fit in the social scene in high school.

Going to undergrad at a private college wasn't much different. EVERYONE was brainy, which was nice, but again, I was in the middle of no where. still without a drivers license and significantly poorer than most of my classmates. I couldn't have gone out if I had wanted to.

Moved to another state and started working. A decade younger than most of my coworkers and have nothing in common with them. They have families, I don't even have a boyfriend. Changed jobs. Even the ones closer to my age like to go out and drink, I don't. Needless to say I'm not invited places now either.

I was raised to get my education and career on track and THEN start looking for a relationship. Granted, that doesn't mean I couldn't have friends along the way, but like you, it's just not my thing. I am, and always have been, a loner. I don't relate to a lot of people my age and never had. I've had life experiences that tend to give me a different view on things than my peers.

Eh. We're young (I'm 26). We have plenty of time for friends, relationships, and the rest!

THELIVINGWORST, ASN, RN · Aug 18, 2013

I feel you!

In contrast, I love getting to know and meeting new people, but, I also am not huge on calling, texting, or hanging out with people outside of my circle of good friends.

It's a little different for me because 1.i live in Las Vegas 2. My roommate/best friend is my cousin and 3. Most of my friends understand that although I love seeing them, I need my space and alone time. My boyfriend is older than me and is pretty similar in intellect, ambition, and personality, so we work as a couple because its natural. Neither of us cast a wide social net.

Don't worry yourself girlie! As long as you are satisfied, the rest will fall into place.

StudentOfHealing · Aug 18, 2013

Thanks guys!

I appreciate when everyone shares their own experiences.

@Slinky

I'm a guy. Hehe ...

malamud69, BSN, RN · Aug 18, 2013

It is called self-preservation.

StudentOfHealing · Aug 18, 2013

Malamud,

So, you think I'm trying to protect myself?

I really don't know. I thinks its a combination of two factors.

1. I'm naturally inclined to being with myself. I enjoy my lone time. Even when I hang out with people, I like to keep it calm. Never was a party person.

2. Everyone outta my age range thus far.

But I guess it makes some sense, it may justify why I never went to parties or BIG gatherings, because it meant exposure and risk.

I felt self with my personal friends. I open myself with ease but I choose carefully who I open to... If that makes sense. I can open myself up with ease and no fear, I'm just picky on who with.

I always stayed with my close group during HS. We always had little sleep overs and went to the movies. Never huge parties.

:)

july06 · Aug 18, 2013

I feel the same way. I just turned 20 in July and I'm starting my nursing program in September. My best friend from high school and I have grown apart. She'd rather smoke weed and party while I study and go to church. I'm not one to party anyway. I'd much rather stay home and read a book or watch a movie. I would hang out with my friends, but I don't have any close by. And none of us have licenses or cars so it takes a lot for us to meet up. I have nursing school friends, but all we talk about is nursing school and studying.

My brother is a social butterfly too. Everytime we travel with my church, I watch him meet up with all his friends from different states. I always end up staying with my mom, which makes me look weird.

I want more friends but I don't really have anything in common with people my age.