how to deal with a difficult classmate

[shining_star28463]

I am a first year student in the ADN program. I am generally a friendly person and I get along pretty well with everyone with the exception of one person. I've posted before about the situation but it seems to have progressively gotten worst since August to the point of being ridiculous!

I decided months ago to limit my interactions with her. She is loud, obnoxious and only offers negative comments concerning anything that I say. I'm going to skip all the filler and start with recent events. A couple of weeks ago she became combative because I didn't greet her when I came into class. She was all in my face about how she didn't know what my problem was and that I was funny acting and all this other nonsense about how I talk to the girl that sits beside me but I don't say anything to her. Yesterday, I guess she became offended again because I didn't say good morning when she came into class (late) and also because I went to retrieve my purse from my car and walked with someone else to the commissary building instead of waiting around for her. Today, I went to check my instructors mailbox for my careplan and walked to the commissary building alone. On the way back, I ended up walking infront of her and the girl that sits beside me (also our lab partner). While I walking she's behind me saying over and over again "I don't know what your problem is. You're trying to come between the group and you wouldn't even know (our other lab partner) if it wasn't for me. You putting her (our other lab partner) in the middle and black women should stick together but you act like you have a problem and look at those white girls and they stick together and they're laughing at us because of the way you act." I mean, verbatim, this is what was said. So I replied, "I don't have a problem and I'm not coming between anyone." I continued walking to the classroom and when class was dismissed I left.

I have tried ignoring the situation for weeks and it seems to only becoming worst and I'm at the point where I don't know what to do. When I don't say anything to her she has a problem and when I do speak she has a problem with what I say. I don't think she likes me and that's fine because I'm not attending college to make friends but I'm tired to dealing with this drama. Someone please help!

[dorselm]

Yeah, maybe confronting her in may not be the best route. Augigi has a good point.

[Erikadawn RN]

I am an African-American student nurse and I have heard numerous comments, such as why are you rolling your eyes at me, I will fight someone if I have to,etc. As a A.A. student I am embaressed because these comments are coming from other A.A. students. I guess some people just cant let the ghetto go,from a sister who comes from the hood ,report her because some schools have a zero tolerance policy on fighting and if she gets physical and you defend yourself then you both may get kicked out. Also a tip I learned from working in Corrections, get a little notebook and document EVERY altercation, comments and threats.

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

i would continue to remain quiet around her. she's looking for a fight and trying to goad you into one. her greatest pleasure would be to get a rise out of you and bring you down to her level. don't give her this satisfaction.

beside talking to the dean of your nursing program, i think i would also have a talk with someone in the campus police department and see if they can be of any help. if she hadn't already been physical, i'd say get a restraining order on her, but i don't know if you can do that on harassment alone and without threat of physical violence. there should also be another dean of the school who should be able to help since there are potential civil rights violations going on here.

[New Horizons]

I wouldn't confront the women personally. I would have a meeting with the Dean and the instructor and have my seat changed. You might be able to get by by saying you find her very difficult to get along with and prefer to sit away from her. Also, as another poster said stay quiet and do not engage her.

Honestly, this women sounds mentally disturbed and is more that a mere bully. The fact that she almost got into a physical altercation with someone else speaks volumes. I look at it this way, if I encountered an obviously mentally disturbed person, that seemed prone to violence, on the street and they tried to bait me, would I get into it with them or would I ignore them?

Unfortunately, it seems like she has picked you for a mark, but stay away from her!!!

The scary part about this situation is that this woman wants to be a nurse!!!!!

We also know that nurses have to deal with patients and family members that are two sandwhiches short of a picnic. If she ever becomes a nurse and encounters one of them, what is she going to do get into a fight with them?

[shining_star28463]

Another thing that I don't understand is that she's actually dragging the third member of our lab group into the mix as well. Yesterday, I had to go print some things at our computer lab and sat beside the third member of our lab group and I asked her if she thought I acted funny too. She said, no that's _______'s thing and ________ gets offended when you don't speak to her in the morning and when you talk to me instead of her. ________ feels like you're putting me (the third lab member) in the middle of our problems and trying to make me choose between you and her. She goes on to say that she told ________ that I was nice and that I always talked to her but ________ thinks that I'm rude and funny-acting. So, I just told her that as far as I was concerned there was no problem for her to be in the middle of. People have different personality types and everyone isn't going to get along and I left it like that. So now, I guess _______ doesn't want the third member of our lab group to like me because I'm funny acting and I have problems.

I don't know either one of the women at all and have only interacted with them on a school basis since August. I don't understand how someone could act this way towards a basic stranger because that person doesn't greet her in the morning or walks to the commissary building alone. It's like she wants me to be grateful because she introduced me to the third lab member and I was granted the opportuntiy to be in her lab group. Then she plays the race card: because I'm a black woman I'm supposed to stick together with a person that obviously doesn't like me. I'm at wit's end. I know that a lot of people have suggested that I go to the DON but I get the feeling that if I make a complaint against her, it will make the situation worst. I don't want to be tagged as a person that is a whiner or hard to get along with so I've been trying to just suck it up but I will not grin in her face just to stifle her comments. I think she is the classic bully type but I've never had to deal with a bully before. I can see her jumping in my face about me telling on her if I go to the DON. Our school has a zero-tolerance policy for violence (arguing included). I've worked really hard to get into the nursing program I don't want to jeopardize my education because of her nonsense.

[heather2084, BSN]

Is there another professor at the school that you feel you could talk to? Or do they have guidance counselors? If so, what if you went and generically presented this to them, such as you did here. No names or anything, and get their advice on the situation. Maybe they could give you another perspective.

[cherokeesummer]

I agree with the post about seeing a guidance counselor or someone along those lines and talk about the situation without naming names first and see if they can give you some advice.

Nursing school is stressful, you don't need the added crap.

[locolorenzo22, BSN, RN]

Ok, time for a lesson from real-life school....

YOU MUST STICK UP FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WILL!! This woman is willing to get after you for ANY slight that she percieves you having against her. you have the RIGHT to be taught in a safe environment. If you were working as a nurse, wouldn't you go report her for harassing coworkers? How would her bedside manner be?

Now, she's already going to know you said something when things change, but the instructors have the DUTY to weed out problem nurses when they're students, before they can go out and damage real patients with real problems!

DO IT TODAY! the longer you wait, the longer you allow her to terrorize you and your dream! We have to be assertive for patients, why can't we be assertive for ourselves?

[IaCountryGirl]

I agree with everyone else, you need to go to the director NOW.

She's the type that won't give up and it will very well escalate to assault unless she's put in her place. If she truely wants to be a nurse, after the director speaks to her, she will knock it off to save her education. And if she doesn't......well then she shouldn't be in the program anyway.

I think eventually her true colors will show through at school and she will get kicked out anyway. But why wait until then? She will only continue to torture you.

I know you are scared she will retaliate against you but the situation will not get better if you don't. If it were me, I would start parking where it's busy and if anything else, have campus security escort you to your car.

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

Write this out and cc it to your instructor and DON, with a request to change lab groups and seats in class. I would sit on the stairs before I would sit beside this woman again. If she threatens you with physical violence a restraining order would be appropriate too. I would expect the instuctors to take this problem very seriously and discipline her for her comments. Be sure to write up each and every comment in a journal in your home in case you need to refer to it later.