Divorce anyone?

  1. Anyone going through a divorce while in nursing school? I sure would like some support. I don't want this to make me a wreck while I am trying to finish school. Hopefully someone out there has some advice or stories to tell.
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  2. 16 Comments

  3. by   81ke83
    Tough thing to be going through while in school. Hopefully the financial part is settled and you don't have that to deal with. Being so busy will hopefully keep you focused. At some point you have to deal with it. When I divorced it was like a death, you had to mourn and work out of it. I have a friend going through an ugly divorce, she is amazing and seems to deal with it. She is doing an accelerated nursing program (15 months). The first semester was 8 weeks. I have known her for 3 years and I can tell she is still very hurt. My guess is that someday it will surface, hopefully after she has her license. My heart goes out to you. Hang in there.
  4. by   BoonersmomRN
    No. not during nursing school - but I DID in pre-reqs. It was really hard and I can only THANK that I had a wonderful lawyer.. In the end run I felt a huge hole but I was able to pick myself up and excel.

    My only advice is ) have a support system B) have a good lawyer) and C) hope that you are in the place to agree to many things without issues.

    Good Luck! PM me if you need any advice
  5. by   BeccaznRN
    I went through a divorce right as I was starting nursing school and it was finalized in my first semester. It's hard no matter when you go through it. I kept myself very busy with school, but I still had moments where it was painful, especially because my ex kept trying to get me to talk to him, go to dinner with him, etc. (the divorce was my decision and he wasn't totally convinced that I wasn't coming back). My best piece of advice is to concentrate on YOU and your goals. Allow yourself time to grieve if you need to. I had some days where I did nothing but sit on my couch in my pajamas all day because I was depressed. One particularly bad day I spent about two hours crying on my bathroom floor. Just do whatever you feel like you need to do to get yourself through it, and most importantly....NEVER GO BACK! You'll just end up having to go through the pain all over again from the beginning.
  6. by   Dabuggy
    Hello,

    I also was divorced during pre-req's. You have some really good advice already, just don't know if I can add anything. I found it very hard to put personal things out of my mind BUT as time went on it did become easier. As mentioned above "Stay focused". You will be a completly different person after school. DON'T let this control your mind.

    This is a difficult time for you and my prayers are with you. What finally got me over my ex was assessing a pt and looking at this person who has no control over his rapidly progressing disease and I had to step back and realize that this terrible thing in my life could be worse. I really hope this does not sound like I am not being compasionate.

    Step back and look at your life and see if it could be worse. Once you overcome this shock to your system from your divorce, you can get back to study. The possitive thing is you have a graduation date set. You will have a degree and a license. You will make excellent money. And when the time is right some guy will feel lucky to be with you.

    I sure hope I did not make you feel worse

    Dabuggy
  7. by   RedSox33RN
    I am smack dab in the middle of nursing school, and just got my divorce papers a couple months ago. It's tough because we have 4 kids, *I* was the one to move out and buy a house, and he STILL hasn't paid me the money he owes me, even though we started the divorce process exactly one year ago.

    It hurts - still. I will always love him, I just can't be with him (not for anything wrong, but we're just two very different people now, and couldn't make it work).

    I still deal with the pain of it every day, especially when it's his week with the kids (we live close enough to each other that we have 50/50 custody) and it does make it hard to study and concentrate.

    I feel for you. It's very, very hard.
  8. by   shellsgogreen
    Probably like most of the others here, I had no idea things were going to go as sour as they did; and when it happened, it was like a death and NOTHING prepared me, or could really console me, and one of the most annoying things friends/family will tell you is , "well, you're better off without him" (thankyou, dig the knife in !)
    A lesson I learned from this is to withold judgment over others, as it's so easy to give "opinions" I sort of make it a point now with my patients to avoid this.
    Now I know this isn't much consolation here to you during this awful time, but I would like you to know that it is possible to study nursing at the same time and eventually get to a point where you can be positive. Talking to others who have gone through it may help, so feel free to pm me if you need to vent some more.
  9. by   Lisa CCU RN
    Well, my divorce is gonna be either very hard or very easy. Let's put it like this, I'm a codependent and he is a sociopath. Either he will lie his behind off or he'll disappear and do nothing. I never know with him.
    I left town to attend nursing school and he just decided he wasn't going to come with us. He said he didn't want to leave his family! I was thinking hello aren't your wife and kids your family? Anyway, he never kept a job, was cheating on me and was very emotionally abusive. I didn''t even know what kind of brainwashing he was putting me through until I got into counseling. In my case I am better off w/o him. Anyway, one month after I moved, he had a new gf and moved in with her! I mean, he wouldn't even discuss the move with me. He has hated that I was in school from the beginning and had been accusing me of cheating when I was just in class or at the library. I just have to pray he doesn't pull anything major on me.
  10. by   shellsgogreen
    Wow, that's emotionally draining...how old are the kids?
  11. by   Lisa CCU RN
    Quote from Cookiefreak
    Wow, that's emotionally draining...how old are the kids?
    Both under six.
  12. by   Dabuggy
    Hello again,

    Hope I'm not intruding here. From what you have posted further, I would say that it is in your best interest to put him behind you. I can only make my assessment on what you have told us. Cheated before, moving in with a new girl friend after one month ?????? Sounds like things have been going on there longer. And not wanting to be with his wife or kids, nor wishing to discuss his moving?????

    I have been there also and know there is a ton of thoughts gioing through your head. Stay focussed and get the schooling behind you. DON'T LET HIM CONTROLL YOUR MIND. If your thinking of him while studying, then he is controlling your mind. Don't let this happen. It is hard not too, because it is so natural. It took me a very long time also but finally I won.

    The main thing is your not alone. There are a lot of us here who have simular experiences.
    OOOOpps got to go cook dad blueberry pancakes

    Dabuggy
  13. by   chelli73
    Ahhh, when it rains it pours...seems as though right when a person is trying to better him/herself--the poo hits the fan!!!! especially with school. the father of my three angels was a constant problem in our lives (drugs/drinking) but right during my entry into 2nd year nursing courses he up and left my kids and i BOGUS-style !!!! he kept our rent for the month he left, the bills were already climbing, he even took our minivan (it was in his mom's name)!!!! i tell you i miss that van more than the man, ya know!!?? my kids were 14, 12, and 10 at the time, VERY hard on them (still is)--but i toughed it out and kept trudging forward. DO NOT let anyone make you quit your dreams/goals--you can do whatever you put your mind to. remember that you will always have failures in your life, i look at them as kind of rusty bridges instead of dead ends, that way you can still get past it. PLEASE be strong, and know that there are people out there who are praying for you (many you know, some you don't ), and i sincerely hope that you make it out OK!
  14. by   Lisa CCU RN
    Quote from Dabuggy
    Hello again,

    Hope I'm not intruding here. From what you have posted further, I would say that it is in your best interest to put him behind you. I can only make my assessment on what you have told us. Cheated before, moving in with a new girl friend after one month ?????? Sounds like things have been going on there longer. And not wanting to be with his wife or kids, nor wishing to discuss his moving?????

    I have been there also and know there is a ton of thoughts gioing through your head. Stay focussed and get the schooling behind you. DON'T LET HIM CONTROLL YOUR MIND. If your thinking of him while studying, then he is controlling your mind. Don't let this happen. It is hard not too, because it is so natural. It took me a very long time also but finally I won.

    The main thing is your not alone. There are a lot of us here who have simular experiences.
    OOOOpps got to go cook dad blueberry pancakes

    Dabuggy
    Yeah, he had been emotionally abusive for years and had me thinking I was losing it. It took one very good counselor to let me know I was being abused and I needed to get out. I just want to move on and keep the kids safe.

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