Dear Nursing Students/Orientees: A Love Note from the Preceptor from Hell - page 9

Warning: The following post is rife with brutal honesty and frustration. Read at your own risk. Memorandum from the desk of Your Friendly Neighborhood Sociopath~~ Dear Nursing... Read More

  1. Visit  passion4people profile page
    1
    Thank you........Well said. You have my upmost respect. You are needed.....Thanks
    roser13 likes this.
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  3. Visit  SleeepyRN profile page
    0
    Quote from CheesePotato
    Greetings!First of all, thank each and every one of your for a reply and a point of view. I find the spectrum of answers interesting, to say the least and, sadly, it would take me ages to reply to each.A few points, however, that I feel merit mentioning:~~ I most certainly do not have the goal of making anyone cry or otherwise engaging in sabotage, mud slinging, etc etc etc. Participating in any of this behavior would defeat the purpose and render the whole process of preceptorship completely useless. And as someone who was set up....repeatedly...by a preceptor (No, not the one I acknowledge), I can tell you first hand that it's just miserable. I would never do such a thing to someone. That's just....rotten.~~ I do not tear down my orientees or students. Ever.~~ Please remember that any over the top prose are meant to be tongue in cheek and most assuredly taken with a grain of salt.~~ No one should ever, ever be subjected to bullying or feeling fearful of their co-workers.. You have the right to a safe work environment.~~ I have yet to master the whole plume of purple smoke disappearing act. To date, I keep getting my thighs stuck on the entrance to the magic lamp thus spoiling the effect. No, slathering them with Crisco does not help.~~ Preceptor/Orientee mismatch does happen. When it does, it is in everyone's best interest that a proper match be found.~~ Although I may be mistaken, I did not say that I do not enjoy precepting. Some of my favorite times are seeing the moments of "ah-ha!" when it all just clicks. I acknowledge and appreciate all of the various opinions and feedback. The passionate responses were simply awesome. This field is blessed to have individuals willing to take a stand in what they view and what they believe. Sincerest regards,~~CP~~
    It was a potentially great initial post. What I believe to be lacking are examples to really understand where you are coming from. What behaviors have you specifically seen that you are responding to. I find it very hard to believe that new grads have walked out of a patient room after making sure a "call light is in place " and came to you for praises for doing such. Your preceptees may understand your post, but you posted it here where we do not know the situations. I don't know this "tone" you are referring to. Based off others posts, I have already seen different interpretations of what this tone is, and I suspect they are off base, but do not really know. Maybe some specific examples and a word of advice to students /new grads on some of your biggest pet peeves would be helpful. Again, a potentially wonderful post, but more clarity could really drive home your point.
  4. Visit  LabGirl77 profile page
    1
    I am a nursing student and I am NOT interested in being coddled, or being friends with my instructors. I get more use out of constructive criticism than pats on the back- if I'm doing something wrong, I WANT to be told about it so that I don't do it again. I come to school and clinicals prepared, and I ask questions when I'm unsure because I am not interested in harming anyone. I work hard, with humility, and I treat my instructors, hospital staff, classmates, patients and this profession with RESPECT.

    Including the ones that don't have respect for me.

    There are MANY serious, hard-working, responsible, mature, kick-ass nursing students out there that many preceptors would be proud to have. We're the ones who remain respectful and professional even when we get stuck with preceptors who hate teaching.

    To my fellow nursing students: keep working your ***** off, keep coming prepared, keep putting your big girl/boy underpants on every morning. Keep at it, and don't let people like this stop you from achieving your goals. AND when you're preceptors, remember what it was like to be a student -be the nurse that you want your students to become.
    Last edit by JustBeachyNurse on Dec 12, '12 : Reason: ToS language
    GrnTea likes this.
  5. Visit  Ruby Vee profile page
    6
    Quote from classicdame
    a little abrasive I thought, although there were some concepts that are generic to all preceptors. Reducing a student to tears is not acceptable. Your job is not to show how much you know, but to elevate the other person's knowledge. Learning is better achieved in less stressful situations, so if you are stressed at even having the student then you pass that along to them and they endure, but don't learn. Waste of time.
    What I don't understand is why is it always someone else's fault when an orientee with no emotional self-control breaks down and cries at work? Why do we always blame whoever it was she was interacting with when she lost control? Why don't we blame the crier for not having the emotional maturity to accept feedback without crying?
    CamillusRN, GrnTea, anotherone, and 3 others like this.
  6. Visit  whitebunny profile page
    0
    Hi Ruby
    when I read this article several days ago I thought about you right away. Between you and OP's writing style I prefer your style much more. I still remember what you have said to me before. I definately wouldnt cry if the instructor communicates with me in a similar way to yours, but I would cry if the instructor writes a post like OP.
  7. Visit  KatieMI profile page
    2
    Quote from Ruby Vee
    What I don't understand is why is it always someone else's fault when an orientee with no emotional self-control breaks down and cries at work? Why do we always blame whoever it was she was interacting with when she lost control? Why don't we blame the crier for not having the emotional maturity to accept feedback without crying?
    Because there's feedback which teaches and motivates and feedback which degrades and humiliates. I think we all here know the difference, as well as the fact that "teacher" who preferably uses the latter form of feedback is probably well below of the "crier"'s level in terms of emotional maturity, stability and professionalism.
    Anna Flaxis and melmarie23 like this.
  8. Visit  melmarie23 profile page
    4
    Quote from Ruby Vee
    What I don't understand is why is it always someone else's fault when an orientee with no emotional self-control breaks down and cries at work? Why do we always blame whoever it was she was interacting with when she lost control? Why don't we blame the crier for not having the emotional maturity to accept feedback without crying?
    Since when emotional maturity measured solely in tears?

    Regardless, if we are reducing someone to such, whether once, or routinely, then we too must examine how WE are conducting ourselves. It quite possibly could be us who are "losing control" of emotions and lashing out unnecessarily.

    The whole blaming the victim mentality is part of the problem I think. Its never "our" fault...its the other person's.

    Do unto others and all that jazz.
    CherylRNBSN, KatieMI, Anna Flaxis, and 1 other like this.
  9. Visit  wooh profile page
    2
    Quote from melmarie23
    The whole blaming the victim mentality is part of the problem I think. Its never "our" fault...its the other person's.
    Or the lack of accountability of the supposed "victim." It's never "our" fault...it's the other persons.
    GrnTea and anotherone like this.
  10. Visit  melmarie23 profile page
    0
    Quote from wooh
    Or the lack of accountability of the supposed "victim." It's never "our" fault...it's the other persons.
    you are right, that too is just as problematic.

    However, all this finger pointing isnt going to solve anything. What we can do though is be accountable for our own actions and how we treat others.
  11. Visit  Ruby Vee profile page
    5
    Quote from KatieMI
    Because there's feedback which teaches and motivates and feedback which degrades and humiliates. I think we all here know the difference, as well as the fact that "teacher" who preferably uses the latter form of feedback is probably well below of the "crier"'s level in terms of emotional maturity, stability and professionalism.
    Here we go again -- it cannot possibly be the fault of the person receiving the feedback -- it HAS to be the fault of the person delivering the feedback. Honestly, there are some folks who cry no matter HOW gently you try to voice the feedback. There are some folks who have apparently never received negative feedback before in their lives. I think it might be more valuable to attempt to figure out how to receive criticism and learn from it than to blame whoever delivers it for "making me cry."
    CamillusRN, GrnTea, anotherone, and 2 others like this.
  12. Visit  Ruby Vee profile page
    6
    Quote from melmarie23
    Since when emotional maturity measured solely in tears?

    Regardless, if we are reducing someone to such, whether once, or routinely, then we too must examine how WE are conducting ourselves. It quite possibly could be us who are "losing control" of emotions and lashing out unnecessarily.

    The whole blaming the victim mentality is part of the problem I think. Its never "our" fault...its the other person's.

    Do unto others and all that jazz.
    And yet I see folks who never learn how to receive criticism and learn from it -- why bother to self-examine when you can just cry, blame the preceptor and conclude it's never "our fault" for screwing up but it must be the preceptor's for inept feedback?
    GrnTea, anotherone, vlewis515, and 3 others like this.
  13. Visit  metal_m0nk profile page
    1
    I see some honesty, integrity and stubborn caring in the original post, don't get me wrong.

    But the verbiage and point of view reveal an overwhelming dysfunction that doesn't ever seem to have the space or time to be appropriately addressed or corrected - mostly because those on the receiving end of it have hands tied until they "mature" enough in the profession to MIRROR it.

    What is an even sadder state of affairs, is that there are plenty who have no fortitude of character, who will interpret this as a GO signal for excusing wholly inhumane behaviors in the name of "tough love." It takes a very specific kind of person to be able to pull off what is proposed here in a way that causes more good than harm and avoids perpetuating a cycle of misuse of authority - and I'm sorry to say, but those persons are Just. Not. Common.

    And so, I am extremely reticent to applaud (with all due respect) an outpouring like this one that doesn't also address those who would misuse their authority with as much vigor as it addresses those who are clawing their way up from the bottom.
    whitebunny likes this.
  14. Visit  vlewis515 profile page
    7
    This. Is. Awesome.

    I'm not even a nursing student yet, I'm still working on my prereqs but I am a police and fire dispatcher and the cultures of both jobs are similar. This is how I feel about training new dispatchers.

    I get so tired of reading the "Waaaaah, my preceptors are so mean and they don't give positive feedback!" posts. Well welcome to the real freaking world sweetie. This isn't kindergarten. This is a hospital (or a police channel...in my case), people are in need of help, they could die. We don't have time for your positive affirmations. That is the gravity of the situation that we are in and a lot of students don't seem to realize that...because if they did then they wouldn't be so worried about being people liking them or being nice to them.

    Honestly, if people can't find a way to have enough confidence in themselves to handle that sort of training, then they have no business being in either profession as far as I'm concerned. Get over it.
    CamillusRN, GrnTea, Esme12, and 4 others like this.


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